November 13 through November 20, 2011
Michael, I am confused.
Confused? About what?
Well, the trial of Dr. Conrad Murray is over. He was found “Guilty” on November 7, 2011 (11/7/11) of the ‘involuntary manslaughter’ of Michael Jackson. Many of us felt that the charge should more appropriately have been ‘second degree murder,’ but as Mr. Mesereau explained in one of his interviews leading up to the trial, the single charge was a smart move on the part of the prosecution in light of several factors (which should admittedly have had no bearing whatsoever upon the leveling of charges.) However, because of those factors, not the least of which were the twenty-five years of unremitting media-based attack you endured aimed at labeling, stereotyping, character assassination and ridicule and resulting in an almost complete dehumanization and lack of sympathy for the most humane of human beings, it was thought more prudent to strip the legal charges down to a very ‘black or white’ scenario and to hinge the charge on negligence and violation of ‘standard of care.’
As you know, the buildup for this trial was huge. It was more than two years in the making. Many of your children were praying and meditating and basically bombarding heaven’s gate for this outcome for well over a year. I wasn’t able to watch it live due to work commitments, but it was televised (making it fairly difficult for the media to spin reports from inside the courtroom like they did in your trial in 2005). Thanks to several friends who were as engaged in the outcome as I was, I was able to follow fairly closely by reading transcripts of the testimonies and evidence in the case. I must applaud the prosecution for a well-presented, straightforward, objective rendering of the facts and the judge for allowing no irrelevant distractions to muddy the waters for the jury.
While there was a moment in which I felt a kind of triumph … an emphatic “YES” when the verdict was read at 1:17 PM the afternoon of 11/7/11 … there was almost an immediate sense of ‘let down.’ There is a definite ‘hollowed out’ feeling … a sort of ‘numbness’ attached to this outcome that I really didn’t anticipate. I expected to feel like uncorking a magnum of Dom Perignon and celebrating ‘til the cows came home. I expected to feel fulfilled somehow … vindicated … triumphant, but I don’t.
Beloved, I need your love around me … to cry on your shoulder … because tears are so very close to the surface right now. The verdict seems to have reopened the wound of your absence and underscored the tragedy … the loss of the most gentle and beautiful of souls … so many broken hearts. It has highlighted … made more irreconcilable … the wanton waste in this situation. I expected to feel like dancing in the streets, but find, instead, that the choreographer has ‘left the stadium.’ It has made your physical absence so much harder to bear. There is no real closure. It’s all so senseless … so pointless … so avoidable! I don’t comprehend this emptiness. Can you help me understand?
[Jan is blessed with a visual of Michael. He is dressed in a black shirt open to his waistband and black pants similar to the You Are Not Alone short film. His hair is short with locks falling over one eye. His arms are extended to each side to gather her into his heart and his smile is magnetic, drawing her toward him … inescapable. She feels his arms closing around her, his right hand cradling and stroking her head against his chest as he sways and rocks her in his arms. She breathes his warmth, his wonderful scent expanding her lungs to their fullest capacity with his spirit and murmurs, “Thank you, Beloved. I so needed that.”]
So, did I … My Dear … so did I! And this soul is not lost; it is merely freed. There’s a big difference.
“Please don’t ever let me go.”
You are MINE. We Are One … for all time.
Yes, I think I can help you understand.
In order to do that, I want to take you back to one of our previous discussions when I mentioned that there really is no justice to be had in this situation. That is true … and it is a bitter, hard truth for you to hear … and even harder to swallow. You wanted resolution. Nothing can undo what has been done. Nothing can restore me to my family … to my children. Nothing can unbreak the hundreds of thousands of hearts which have been shattered or the lives that were disrupted by my apparent departure.
Only the knowledge that I haven’t left can even begin to heal the scars and scab over the wounds. That knowledge is a gift for you … all of you … but it is difficult to impart to hearts that cannot understand … or feel … or even, imagine … my ongoing presence. For those who are experiencing that gift, no explanation is necessary; for those who aren’t, no explanation is possible.
I think you’ve just fully experienced the fact that the verdict doesn’t really change that or solve anything. It does little more than pay lip service to the ‘blame game.’ The ‘blame game’ is a dangerous game to play and often has unsettling, conflicting, uncomfortable repercussions.
Well, at least, one result of this episode is that your lack of ‘responsibility’ in the tragic events of ‘the day the Earth stood still’ has to be acknowledged, even in the myopic eye of the media pundits. Their eagerness to blame you has crumbled around them like a house of cards.
Has it? When you play the ‘blame game’ by the rules … with honesty and purity in your heart … there are some truths with which your spirit knows you need to come to terms. You’ve been resisting them because you think that they are disloyal to me. So, instead of facing them squarely … head on … you’ve been hiding from them … walking around the elephant in the room … even when you trip over its trunk.
Let me just say, in explanation, that I know your loyalty to me; so should you. I do not question it; neither should you. It’s not a matter of loyalty. Truth is truth … it is not loyal or disloyal … it just IS. The truths to which I am referring reflect upon the verdict that has been handed down … and your reaction to it.
The first … and most uncomfortable … of those unsavory truths is that I have to bear some responsibility for my own transformation. I asked for the drug that ended my physical experiment. I mistakenly thought it was safe if I was closely monitored. I had used it before and was assured by previous doctors that it was a safe method of getting some rest when all other methods failed … with few lasting side effects. When my friend told me it was dangerous, I thought she was just being melodramatic. I owe her an apology … and I am working on that. That was my choice and I must own it and accept responsibility for it. I have done that as part of my healing.
That being said, I was not aware that Murray would not closely monitor the administration of it … nor was I aware that he was unable to adequately handle resuscitation if something went wrong … nor was I aware that he would hide evidence and lie to emergency medical professionals. Those were his choices. I had nothing to do with them.
Was I addicted to the drug? No! Diprivan, I was assured repeatedly, is not addictive psychologically or physically!
I, like all of you, was addicted … to sleep! All human beings share this addiction. The human body requires it to recharge its batteries and continue to function with precise and coordinated movement. I am a dancer; precise and coordinated movement is like breath to me … a necessity … not a luxury … especially when I’m working. The human brain requires it at regular intervals to maintain clarity and focus. I am a musician; clarity and focus are my food and drink, especially when I’m working. You heard testimony referring to a day when my clarity and focus, my precise and coordinated movements were absent. The media wants to make drug addiction the cause; lack of sleep is just not sensational enough. It’s too mundane; no juice to be squeezed there for ratings or sensationalism.
It is an undeniable fact that I suffered from chronic, long-lasting insomnia (which is just sleep deprivation in lamb’s clothing; they vary only in degree) as a direct result of several of the medical conditions which plagued me for much of my life … as well as many of the experiences that were, by that time, an integral part of the extraordinary physical experiment in which I played the lead role.
All of you are aware that I suffered from Vitiligo. Vitiligo messes up the melanin in the skin and destroys the pigment. Because melanin is also the receptor for Vitamin D in sunlight absorbed through the skin, it is directly connected to the level of Serotonin, the hormone responsible for the Circadian Rhythms that govern and regulate sleep. It is a Serotonin imbalance that causes ‘jet lag’ and ‘seasonal affective disorder’ which are widely recognized syndromes and closely associated with balanced, efficient Circadian Rhythms.
That’s why touring and traveling between time zones was always so rough on me. Vitiligo compounded the effects of ‘jet lag’ inherent in hopping between time zones … and the excess adrenalin needed for performing intensified the insomnia to an intolerable, crippling level … a level that left me unable to function with any focus, clarity, precision or coordination (also known as sleep deprivation). Add to that my admitted addiction to presenting the most technologically-advanced, musically-seamless, 99.9% perfectly-executed live performance humanly possible … and you have a ‘perfect storm’ alright … a ‘perfect storm’ of sleeplessness!
I also had Lupus and, in addition to causing pain in the joints and several other symptoms, one of its side effects is insomnia. So, Lupus … and Vitiligo … and ‘jet lag’… and adrenalin … and not being able to shut my brain off long enough to sleep all added up to major, industrial strength sleep deprivation.
It is being called insomnia by the media and doctors because labeling it as insomnia minimizes the seriousness and degree to which my medical conditions escalated its effects. It brings it down to a category of illness from which many people suffer on an occasional basis … and makes it easier to relate to … but, in my case, insomnia was sleep deprivation … its most extreme form. It’s a little like calling a saber tooth tiger a ‘nice little kitty.’
They don’t want me to be viewed as anything but a weirdo, a freak, a drug addict … even now … for the same reasons that they cooked up such shoddy cases against me during my life … because that would elicit sympathy. They don’t want to admit the wrongs they committed against me. They are too invested now in the parody which has made them so much money and so fully turned the general public against me. We discussed this point in an earlier conversation as well. Those forces for darkness … and their proponents … are still very much present in your world. Sympathy for me, even now, would be an intolerable burden because it would show how they manipulated and twisted everything I ever touched or loved into something weird, bizarre, monstrous.
This chronic medical condition was aggravated during the trial in 2005. Any kind of rest or cessation of fear became impossible, causing another commonly recognized medical condition. Soldiers returning from war in Iraq and Viet Nam were diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and they were treated for this condition with anti-anxiety medications. Many of them became addicted. But PTSD is not confined to returning soldiers. Abused children and women suffer from it, too. As a matter of fact, it is much more common in our world than you realize. The trial in 2005 (and the allegations of misconduct in 1993) were my Armageddon … my Viet Nam … my Iraq. We’ve talked before about how it affected me and how your love sustained me. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder also causes insomnia. That’s six different and distinct medically valid causes whose effects were sleep deprivation.
What many of you don’t realize is that sleep deprivation can be a very serious thing. It can result in several serious symptoms like disorientation, short-term memory loss, lack of concentration, lack of appetite and its resultant weight loss, slower reflexes, slurred speech, stumbling and lack of coordination, hallucinations and even death – all of these are symptoms or side effects of extreme sleep deprivation. In past conflicts, it was used as a form of torture … an interrogation technique … like waterboarding was used in Iraq by our own government to get information from its prisoners.
Yes, I had also used Demerol in the past to manage the pain from my head injury and scalp burn. The reconstructive procedures to repair the damage were even more painful and longer lasting than the original injury, causing excruciating, unrelenting discomfort in and of themselves. Small bladders (balloons) were placed under the skin of my scalp and inflated over a period of months to stretch the skin over the damaged areas. The headaches and nausea were horrendous!
The injury to my back in Munich during the charity concert when the bridge fell caused lasting damage to my spine (which was noted in the autopsy report) and necessitated painkillers, occasionally, as well. In addition, my feet became extremely dry and cracked, often bleeding, from dancing and being on tour for such extensive periods of time made the simplest movement unbearable.
During the Dangerous World Tour, I had become addicted to Demerol just to get through the days while the world was tearing me apart and you all know that I went into a rehab program in England, but I wasn’t using Demerol at the time of my rebirth. That would have shown up in the autopsy report.
I just needed to sleep so that I could go on with the rehearsals for the O2 concerts. So, I asked for the drug that ended my physical experience and must share some portion of the responsibility for the results. That is not disloyal. That is truth.
However, for many of you it is an uncomfortable truth … one that you prefer not to face. Your spirit, which is all about truth, won’t let you deny that truth any longer.
Oh, my Dear One … hearing you describe your agony is torture for me. May I return the hug?
Of course. You never have to ask. If you need my love, just call my name. I’ll be there. How many times … and how many ways … did I say it and sing it? How many of you did I embrace on all the stages throughout the world praying that ALL of you would feel it and know my love? It is true. You can count on it.
[Once again, Jan is immersed in love so pure and all-encompassing that there are no words to describe it.]
Hmmm … this could become an addiction quite easily, Dear One.
[Michael laughs.] Hmmm … hug addiction … that has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?
Michael?
Hmmm? Shhh … we’re having a moment here!
I have to ask you a question.
You ask too many questions! Okay … what’s your question?
I was talking to a friend of mine today who was one of your ‘followers’ and she told me that she had been going back through the diaries she kept of those trips. She had the good fortune of attending an almost obscene number of concerts throughout Europe on both the Dangerous and HIStory Tours. As a matter of fact, she is shown in the audience on Moonwalker and in Bucharest. She was one of the girls you recognized and flirted outrageously with from the stage. [Michael laughs.] She got to talk to you, personally, and she has a photograph of you embracing her from the Dangerous period.
She related that on one occasion you had asked for her to be filmed outside your hotel answering your questions as if you were conducting an interview with her.
Yeah [Michael giggles], I used to do that occasionally. Since I couldn’t really go out of the hotel room and talk to anyone without all heaven breaking loose … and I couldn’t really invite girls up to my room without the media having a field day speculating on what went on behind ‘closed doors’ … I would send my videographer out with a list of questions and watch the videotapes in my room. It made me feel a bit more connected to the human race, sometimes. It was a poor substitute, but it was the best I could do.
Having all that love out there … knowing it … sensing it … feeling it … but being unable to reach out and hold it. Can you imagine how impossibly alone one would feel in that situation? I had to find creative ways to be with it. Do you know what I mean?
Yes, I know what you mean … and no, I can’t even imagine. Well, anyway, she had forgotten about this particular incident until just recently. While going through some of her diaries from her trips, she came across an account of this ‘interview’ and said that one of the questions you had your videographer ask was, “Do you think we share a spiritual connection?” When she told me that, I just about fell off my chair.
[Michael giggles.] That would have been funny! Why?
Well, I kinda guess you would have had to have been there. Let me see if I can explain. When this filmed ‘interview’ with my friend occurred, I was just in the very early stages of becoming ‘aware’ of Michael Jackson in the sense that I am ‘aware’ of you now. I was just forming this ‘cosmic’ connection; I was just becoming conscious of this ‘spiritual’ affinity which we share and which we’ve examined from every possible angle earlier in our conversations. As a matter of fact, at the time this videotaped ‘interview’ occurred, I was thinking I was deeply disturbed … profoundly unbalanced … or hormonally unstable. At best, I was imagining things; at worst, I was unhinged.
I, like much of the world around me, didn’t believe that such connections were possible. It took a while, but, eventually, through a series of ‘coincidences’ (which I have come to call synchronicities), I came to believe … and have faith … and act upon … the belief that I could be deeply, spiritually linked to another living human being whom I had never met nor seen in real life (at the time) without the aid of modern technology. Several of our dialogs have outlined the steps taken along that road to belief so I won’t repeat them here.
For a very, very long time, one of my most persistent questions was, “Is Michael Jackson aware of this bond between us? Does he feel this sense of connection, too? Or is it just me?” You answered that question for me in our earlier Conversations.
However, in a manner of speaking, you answered my twenty-year-old, persistent question … and your answer was relayed to me today because my friend felt the need to go through some of her old diaries, written during her years of being a tour ‘follower’ … and felt the urge to share her experience with me. By asking her this one question … and her telling me about this incident that she had, somehow, forgotten, you were speaking to me … and to all of us who have experienced similar uncertainties. You answered my version of the question twenty years ago … and I didn’t even know it … until today.
It’s just another example of those ripples radiating in concentric circles from the central point in the pond. You are the central point, Beloved … the center of my universe.
It gave me goose bumps … chills up and down my spine! It was a body rush that left a warm, tingly glow as if I had been touched by your love when I read those words. It’s Back to the Future in real life! The beauty and awe of this experience with you just continues to stagger me. I am so grateful to have been swept off my feet by a ‘Smooth Criminal.’
You thought YOU were unhinged? How do you think it felt for me? Experiencing all these strange things … with no one to talk to about them because no one could possibly understand the feelings that were pouring through me. My religious education hadn’t prepared me for any of this. My social education was almost non-existent. Thank God for Mrs. Fine. She was the one who showed me the world that jumped out from between the pages of a book and planted the seeds of dreams inside my head. I will always be grateful to her for that.
I was plagued by all the same doubts and fears that haunted you … the same anguish that stalked you dogged my footsteps. I doubted my own sanity just as strongly … probably more strongly … because I had the whole world’s media reinforcing those fears and doubts! However, there were times when I could almost see the energy sparkling in rivers of love between all of you and my heart. I wondered if I was having a heart attack, it was so strong. That’s why I asked your friend that question … to see if she felt it, too. At least, you had friends you could bounce your thoughts off … a husband you could talk to.
No, I didn’t, Michael. Remember me? I’m the one who lives on the dark side of the moon … and this particular moon orbits the Bible belt. The only thing that saved me … was YOU! I didn’t have anyone to talk to, including my husband or children. Everyone thought … and still thinks … I’ve gone off my rocker. They are measuring me for the latest fashion in straightjackets as we speak.
Oh, well … don’t worry about it. There’s plenty of space in my rubber room for you … and anyone else who cares to join us. We’ll all be ‘off the wall’ together. When the world is on your shoulder, gotta straighten out your act and boogie down. If you can’t hang with the feeling, then there ain’t no room for you in this part of town. Cuz we’re the party people night and day, living crazy that’s the only way. So, tonight, gotta leave that nine to five upon the shelf and just enjoy yourself. Come on and groove, let the madness in the music get to you. Life ain’t so bad at all, if you live it off the wall. [Michael sings.]
So, I talked to you … in the stories and articles I wrote back then … and now, in these Conversations. I poured my heart and soul out to you; and you poured your heart and soul out to me through all the different media you manipulated so masterfully. Have I thanked you, today?
[Michael laughs.] No thanks are necessary. God bless you for being there. Now, come back here, woman! I need another hug! There’ll be no darkness tonight. Lady, our love will shine, lighting the night. Just put your trust in my heart and meet me in paradise. Now is the time. You’re every wonder in the world to me … a treasure time won’t steal away. [Michael sings under his breath.]
God, I love you, Beloved.
I love you more!
Jan
November 18, 2011
Hi Jan, thank you for sharing another message
God bless you
I love you Michael *-*
OK first off all….
“Hmmm … hug addiction … that has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?
Michael?
Hmmm? Shhh … we’re having a moment here!”
made me laugh so hard!!! And Jan you lucky lady!! Got hugs AND he sang “Lady In My Life” to you!!!!! Wow….. and yes, I could get used to hugging him..if that ever happened to me. Thank you both Jan and Michael for sharing this message.
The following comments from BeGodsGlow were posted on another site and are reprinted here with her permission:
Amazing, omg, tears. I was lying there in bed and read that line “Do you think we share a spiritual connection?” and just started crying… “Oh Michael, that’s what I always wanted to ask YOU!” Oh, he knew, he knew, and he wanted to know from us as well. We’re all in it together, all wrapped up in this together. :sniff: Oh my. So beautiful! ♥ ♥ ♥ That’s the very question I wanted to ask HIM since the 80′s! And here its answered in the form of a question via the diary of a friend of a friend, hehe 😉 Ten years ago was the Yahoo/GetMusic phone chat interview and fans could submit questions for it. I submitted two questions, and this was in essence my main question, although worded in a way that kind of couched it in subtleties. Of course it wasn’t chosen as one of the ones for the interview, lol. Too “weird” and complicated and not about Invincible, I guess 😉 But I’ve felt that since I was a kid and it only grew stronger over the years, with experiences that showed me more and more, yet still always second-guessing it by letting other peoples’ opinions run in the background of my mind … I guess you can relate! (“So… you’re saying you have some kind of psychic connection to Michael Jackson? Yeaaaah, right… um…”) But I felt it, and I always believed he did too, with ALL of us, or at least a big group of us. I never felt it was just me, but that we’d come here as a GROUP. And Michael ‘felt’ so open and aware to me that I felt he must’ve known this too, although so much takes place on a subconscious and/or higher level that’s it’s hard to determine how much we’re actually aware of. I said so many times years ago that the most amazing convo I could imagine having with him was a no-holds-barred, totally confidential talk about who he really thinks he is (no fears of being accused of “messiah complexes”, rolleyes) what he really thinks he’s here for, what he experiences, what kind of connection he feels, who he thinks WE are and what it’s all about, etc. That was my DREAM conversation, ohhhhh. But even simpler, just that one question, all those years ago…. “Do you think we share a spiritual connection?” Oh bless you, Michael. YES, all around. (Thanks Jan!)
Some other thoughts… yeah, the emptiness after the verdict. The weird thing was, I never felt the total anger and as we approached verdict day I didn’t even feel that tied to the verdict. It was weird… almost like it didn’t matter. I was more concerned about what would happen among the fan community if he was found not guilty (more anger, desire for revenge, etc). But nevertheless I still felt that “letdown” feeling and the empty sadness. In some way it was just relief that it’s OVER, you know. Uh, thank God, we can move on now? Something like that? An observation: it seems the people more spiritually directed during the trial (those praying, trying to keep negativity out, etc?) seem to report more of this feeling. Have you noticed that too? The more deeply committed to seeing Murray behind bars in an angry way, the more rejoiceful, while others felt a relief/release, but later got kind of empty and depressed. At least it seemed that way. Or did everyone feel the “letdown”? Thoughts?
And I can’t believe the PTSD mention, whoa. I was JUST talking about this yesterday with someone, about personal experience. I can only imagine what Michael went through. Omg. There was such a feeling after the verdict in 2005, like … how does one heal from that??? I just sort of “let go” of him that summer in the hope that he could go somewhere without the stress and heal and just BE for a while, you know, just he and the kids. I wish there’s something more that we could’ve done. Dear Michael ♥ 😦
And don’t get me started on the sleep thing! Like many people, I’ve had problems with this over the years. Earplugs, over the counter sleep meds, Benadryl, Sleepytime tea, warm milk, valerian, melatonin… blah, blah, blah. I don’t pretend to know how it is to be ultra creative, stressed and needing to rehearse for 50 shows at 50 years old 😦 (, but the bits of sleep deprivation we’ve all experienced at one time or another will drive one to desperation. And people absolutely trivialize it, yes! It’s like some badge of honor if you only sleep 3 hours a night! If you say you need to sleep 8 hours people look at you like you’re weak, a wuss, someone privileged to have that kind of time, like only some incredibly lazy person would put away time to sleep for 8 hours, like there’s something wrong with you for expecting that. Huh? That’s NORMAL. Sleeping for 4 hours day after day is NOT normal, healthy or anything else. But our society treats it like a weakness and makes schedules for us that always put sleep to the side like it’s not really important. And people differ. Some can get by with less, while some (especially people with chronic illnesses) *NEED* more. It’s not about weakness or lazily taking luxury time. Our bodies biologically NEED sleep, like they need oxygen. And now that there’s the connection of this topic with Michael, it’s way beyond any attempt at trivializing. Uh, God.
Let’s see, other rambly thoughts while reading… uncomfortable truths. I think part of the extreme emotion at Murray (a part) may be due to that. Fans like to SAY that Michael was just a human and made mistakes, but many don’t like to confront it as reality, you know. Of course all the things that have happened in his life contributed to this chain of events, but just like all of us he still had some choices. He seemingly asked for and chose a dangerous method (and he was smart and read medical info – it’s not like he had no idea that anesthesia can kill you), trusted someone who wasn’t trustworthy in the end, took those risks. I almost felt a bit angry about this a few times, in brief passing moments, like, “Michael… what the heck were you thinking??????!” But that always faded quickly because I just love him so much, all I want is to love him and to understand. He knows all this that we feel, you know. In the end I came to see it like a speeding driver. If you speed, you know that’s dangerous. So if one day you were speeding down a street and someone ran a red light and hit you and killed you, whose fault is it? After all, if you hadn’t been speeding you wouldn’t have been in that intersection at that moment. But it’s the driver who ran the light who really did it, not you. Ok, maybe that’s my rationalizing, but that’s how I see Michael and Murray… Michael was accepting something risky, yes, but he assumed that Murray wouldn’t run the red light and kill him! But right… that’s still the “blame game”. From the other side it’s just not like that because all is understood and viewed through a higher lens of LOVE.
Michael told me before that we’re all here learning how to love like God. And to love in a Godlike fashion means to love someone WITH all their faults, warts and all, not DESPITE these things. So it’ not loving someone and just looking the other way past the things we don’t like about them, but loving them INCLUDING those things, facing them directly and loving them as part of that person. That’s how God loves us and what we’re trying to learn.
With a Child’s Heart Reply:
Yes, I knew that you would feel that way about the question and answer thing! I was floored … like I said … it’s Back to the Future … except it’s not a movie.
Then, I relate it to the “time is really irrelevant from the eternal side of life … so he answered the question that has poked at me and poked at me for twenty years … back then … but I didn’t really know it until now … but since time doesn’t work the same way over there … it doesn’t really matter … because he answered the question by asking it himself. Did that make any sense at all? Needless to say, my head is spinning from that revelation. I don’t know what to do with that. Assimilating that is going to be a tough one because that question has hung around for so long.
It’s like the question, itself, has become a part of me! It’s like I told myself for years, “You are just imagining all this unless he felt it, too” Now, I know he felt it, too, back then … and asked it himself. And now, he is putting that hunch or feeling to very, very good use by being so very present for all of us … regardless of how soon or late we came to this realization.
How do I make that answer a part of me equally as much as the question. There’s a little tiny part of me that is screaming desperately inside me saying, “That’s just NOT possible.” But the proof is right before my eyes! What happens, then, to that little tiny part of me that is still yelling, “Be reasonable! You know that can’t happen!” Does she die off? merge? change? How is her misery consoled? While she is screaming, the rest of me is stuck at OH MY FREAKING GOD!
Be God’s Glow’s reply:
I guess she has to evolve? 😉
OMG, I just… whooosh, this wave went through me and I lay there crying with this huge smile on my face… oh Michael! Uh, it’s confirmation, huh? All those years of knowing this, then doubting it, then knowing it, then doubting it…. and he was asking the same question. And just the fact that he was asking that question answers ours. Freakin’ amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Once again, just BEAUTIFUL, Jan. Your write so eloquently and relay to us so openly and with such genuine passion, that we cannot help but realise that you speak for us all. You aren’t going to believe this, but around five days ago, I was listening to the Thriller album for the first time in so long and it was that very sentence….’a treasure time won’t steal away’…that stuck in my heart and made the tears flow some hours after the CD was tucked away. Love and gratitude to you always.
Thank you, lovely Dee. I prayed that you would find time to swing by … you were so much the inspiration for part of this conversation. My love and gratitude to you are boundless.
Michael wasn’t asking a question about spiritual connectedness as much as he was posing a TRIGGER in the form of a question. Did Michael know who he really was? Absolutely. Did Michael know who WE are in relation to him? Absolutely. As BGG said, we came here, all of us, with Michael as “Lead Light”, for a VERY specific purpose, soon to be revealed and further understood now that all these detractions and distractions are over. Every single word to “Another Part of Me” is the Truth of Michael Jackson.
Just so you know, Jan…. I still got goosebumps!!
The confirmation you received that Michael knew and felt a spiritual connection 20 years ago, and even before that, is mind-blowing! But it doesn’t surprise me. When I first read through the lyrics of “Another Part of Me” I knew then that he knew something. And even more so when he sang it on the Bad tour with some discreet changes to the lyrics to make it more personal, I was like… yup, he knows… and he’s trying to let us know that he knows. I am axiously awaiting ascension to the next level of understanding. What I wanna know is, how in the world did I get to be so blessed to be on this journey with you?
And while I’ve got you here, I wanna thank you, Michael, for hugging my friend Jan and for making sure she really FELT it! I think she must be floating on a cloud somewhere between Earth and Heaven right about now!
(Michael giggles and says… “Oh good, that makes me very happy ’cause ‘she’s every wonder in this world to me… a treasure time won’t steal away.'”)
I Love you BOTH more and more!! 😉
~ Char
Jan.. thank you!
I often am just sitting down, with my face in my hands, smiling- usually admiring the creativity in which this sort of synchronicity unfolds. You asked… and your question was answered. The answers given usually exceed the question…the very fact that our questions are answered- is a much bigger answer than the question itself might suggest.
And the most wonderful thing is that by asking him this question, we might have answered his question as well. I’d imagine that after decades of pain he might have started to doubt his own reasons for living, for being here. Maybe, just maybe- we also answered his question. Love is such a two way street, the answers can only be given to those who asked the questions…
And love is the gorilla glue in this everlasting story. “And I’m stuck on you just like gorilla glue.”