Archive for May, 2011

May 21 through May 28, 2011

Well, my Dear One … I am happy to report that the beautiful planet you so love is still here … and I am still here … and all your children are still here … at least, the ones that I am in contact with.

And I’m happy to report that I’m still here … now … will you please explain to me what that was all about? [Michael chuckles.]

Oh, sorry! Well there were reports that Saturday, May 21 of 2011 was going to be the day the world ended and several hundred thousand people were supposed to be raptured … ascended … on that day. But, then, when the day came and went without incident, the pastor who had predicted the end of times admitted that he had made a mistake in his calculations by five months, so the date for the end of everything is now October 21, 2011.

The reason this event so caught my attention was because of a news story that I saw on CNN about a group of people, some of whom had sold all their possessions and taken their children out of school and hopped in their rides to herald this particular ‘doomsday.’ They had formed a caravan of cars and trucks and were crossing the country preaching for everyone to repent and prepare.

Now that you are an Ascended Master, which in my religion you are, can you shed any light on these predictions?

No. I have no knowledge of when … or if … the end of the world will occur. And I don’t really think that our Heavenly Father wants us to sit around and stare at the clouds awaiting or anticipating that event with either fear or glee. I think He’d much rather see us working toward preventing it by coming together as one people to help those families who recently lost their homes in Missouri or those who are still suffering from the tsunami in Japan; relieving the world of the burden of war and famine or re-establishing the Garden of Eden by loving our planet back to the health and vitality with which she was endowed by our Creator and which we’ve stolen in our haste … and our greed … and our headlong recklessness.

No one can make an accurate prediction of when … or if … the world will end. Endings are not God’s specialty; She’s much more in touch with beginnings, especially when those beginnings are encoded with love and hope and faith. And something to keep in mind, here … even when or if the world ends … you DON’T … just like I haven’t. None of us ends, the energy that we are goes on to new experiences and greater achievement and more complete union with all that is or ever will be.

Yes, but … Beloved … it’s pretty unusual for a re-birthed person to remain so engaged in our physical world that at least thousands, if not millions, of us are aware of your presence in our daily lives. There are many of us who meditate with you on a daily basis and feel your kiss within their souls. Others are hearing your voice through the music you left us. Still others are feeling your presence more strongly through creating art and organizing major global prayer vigils on a regular basis, writing poetry, speaking with you. I mean, I don’t think I’ve ever heard of anyone remaining so involved in the day-to-day affairs of so many of his ‘loved ones’ after becoming immortal.

It’s a phenomenon of great significance for humankind as a whole as well as for all of us … as individuals … who are experiencing it. Can you explain why and how you are so alive to those we’ve been calling your ‘children’ in this series?

I have explained that many, many times in this series of Conversations … in a variety of different ways … but I will explain again.

Because I love you more than you will ever know. I’ve told you this over and over again during the physical side of my life. It is still true! As a matter of fact, it is even truer now than it was then. And I have enormous faith in every single one of you … much more than you have in yourselves.

Because you have needed my continued presence to understand my leaving in the context of a greater perspective … a more Eternal view … and, based on that understanding, to re-commit to our mission … our symphony. You are all still engaged in and committed to your individual human experiences and, as a result, you couldn’t see the forest for the trees … or the mission for your grief and shock and sadness. Your commitment to our shared dream (what we have referred to as a ‘phenomenon’ of unprecedented scope and proportion in previous conversations in this series) is of paramount importance to its manifestation in your physical reality which, up until now, has displayed little or no interest in creating a unified world in which every individual has the opportunity to become what his or her imagination is capable of envisioning. We are committed to changing this between us … you and I … together. We Are One!

Because while my physical life has drawn to a close, my vision is not complete until there is no child in the world who dies because of hunger or abuse or war or neglect, where each is cherished for his or her unique gifts and in which the individual is respected as an important, integral part of a larger whole.

Because my contract is not fulfilled until our beautiful planet is released from ‘intensive care,’ removed from the ‘endangered species’ list, and is no longer in a ‘life-support’ mode of terminal illness. Mother Earth needs all of us to be aware of her critical condition and to do whatever we can to mend the wounds we have caused so that she can continue to provide everything we need to sustain our lives … and hers.

And, finally, because so very many of you are ready to accept promptings from the world of spirit … where we are all ONE always (even, perhaps especially during, our respective physical incarnations) … because of your love for me or for whatever reason … not with fear (as such things have been viewed in the past) but with acceptance and gratitude for my continued presence. You have opened your hearts and allowed my touch to transform your living.

Those are the whys … the how is a bit more complicated but it has a great deal to do with my faith in you … and even more to do with your faith in me.

Well, among many of my friends, it is being described as “The Lightning Bolt Experience.”

[Michael laughs.] I can just see that … like in a comic book … Dell or something … with bubbles up above each of your heads containing your reactions … “eek” or “zap” … or how about this … “You’ve been hit by … You’ve been struck by a Smooth Criminal.” [He sings these last words.]

[Jan laughs.] Yeah, I would expect you to find that somewhat amusing, but it is an apt description of what many of your children have experienced. Many of us were only made aware of how you had infiltrated our lives at the moment of your departure. Others had flung the doors and windows wide open throughout all the decades of your career. It doesn’t seem to matter when or how we became aware. The common thread in so many of the descriptions of this ‘lightning bolt’ experience seems to be the spiritual connection that was initiated by that strike and the continuing ‘pulses’ of change that have occurred within our lives resulting from that connection.

You have penetrated into all the little hidden nooks and crannies in our hearts until there isn’t an area of our lives that remains untouched or a memory or resentment that is left untransformed by your loving presence. It’s MAGIC … alchemy in the truest, purest sense of the term … and we are so grateful.

A friend of mine has asked me what my experience with you has taught me.  I posted a partial listing of the many, many things I have learned through the years of my love affair with you, Beloved, in an earlier post on this website entitled Is That Scary for You, Baby (November 1, 2010) and I am republishing that partial list here.

My thanks to Amy Grace for allowing me to use her poster in this Conversation.

To love without ego;
To give endlessly without fanfare;
To perform miracles without acknowledgment;
To be strong through unspeakable adversity;
To consistently relay a message without buckling to peer pressure;
To live an exemplary life of service though hounded and pursued by malevolent forces;
To set goals and achieve the impossible;
To adhere to the strictest standards of excellence in every aspect of life;
To become one with the music, allowing it to have its way in the act of creating itself;
To lift up those less fortunate;
To stand with pride in the face of ridicule;
To be courageous in the face of hatred;
To retain an innocent sense of wonder in the midst of rampant societal cynicism;
To be hugely gifted yet remain humble;
To be beautiful while reflecting the world’s ugliness;
To be in this world while not being of this world;
To remain the person God intended against all odds;
To bring soulfulness into every moment of life; and,
To be a spiritual being having a human experience.

And in Installment #17, we talked about all the things I learned as a result of writing my book.

Another friend has composed a poster based on the idea “Everything I Need to Know, I Learned from Michael Jackson” and she has given me her permission to display her poster as part of this Conversation.

Have you responded to your friend’s request, yet?

No, not yet. I’m having a lot of trouble choosing just one of the above. I can’t decide if I should use one of them … or something completely new.

Beloved, my life is so completely changed … perhaps, not in the exterior trappings … but in the inner, spiritual reality in which I now draw breath … since you entered my heart in 1992 … and again in 2009. My view of spirituality (as opposed to religion) has become so much more solidified and firmly embedded into my belief system; I can’t even think of spirituality without thinking of you.  In my heart, mind and spirit, the words spirituality and Michael Jackson are synonymous.

You have brought God to life for me in so many ways.

Awww! God bless you! But I think you are giving me credit I don’t deserve again!

No, baby … God Bless You Always!  And … no, I’m not!

Don’t get me wrong, Michael. I was aware of God before (one has to be aware of God growing up as a good Catholic girl and enduring 12 years of Catholic education.) I was always fascinated with mysticism and spirituality, but they were always abstract ideas rather than concrete, real possibilities to which human beings could aspire, strive toward and actually achieve through backbreaking effort and heartrending drive.

Before you entered my life, I didn’t think a book written more than two thousand years ago … or a Man who walked in poverty and died a violent death … could possibly have any relevance to the modern, sophisticated, technological age.  How could the outmoded ideals of a Man who owned one pair of sandals speak to the street-smart, savvy citizen of a capitalistic 21st Century? What of import and relevance could He, with one cloak to His name and outdated ideas of economic solvency, have to say to someone struggling with paying taxes and raising children and being bombarded by the games people play? What meaning could a concept like abstinence possibly have to a post-free love culture in which sexual activity has become a right-of-passage almost at the onset of puberty, an expression of personal freedom and independence … even a weapon in the most violent of our young people? How can our modern society relate to the concept of self-sacrifice when in our vernacular it means nothing more than foregoing candy during Lent?

And then you came into my life. You lived the words of that book on the world stage in full, glorious view of the entire planet with style, panache, humor, innocence and humanity. You walked the steps that Man had walked with grace, compassion, humility and humor. You spoke the same words the book contained with more feeling, more meaning and more depth than any printed page can render.  You brought the book … to life with your example.  You brought the Man into our modern world with your wit and charm, you gave Him a presence that had been denied Him by the passage of time.

You sang and danced your way across an entire planet … and into our hearts … showing us all how to interpret words we had heard all our lives from our parents and Sunday school teachers and pastors in new ways by visiting sick children in every city you visited … not once … not even twice … but every time you went on tour, by giving the entire proceeds of a world tour (millions of dollars) to charities and hospitals and orphanages in every city you visited, by singing about our world and how to heal it … and ourselves.

You embodied God’s Love and when you reached your arms out on all those thousands of stages, you said, “Yes, please use me,” to your Higher Power and embraced an entire ecosystem within their span! And we all felt that embrace regardless of how far removed we were from those stages in either time or space. You personified … and continue to personify … God’s Plan for His human children and brought that Plan up-to-date in a way that I couldn’t even have imagined before you entered my heart. Thank you!

No, thank you and God bless you! [Michael’s voice contains tears.] Now, look what you’ve gone and done! You got me all choked up.

I think that I’m going to have to choose that lesson to write about for my friend because it is so important and has such sweeping consequences for my life … and for the world.

But I could also write that I learned that there is LIFE after life from you … because without that lesson, we wouldn’t be sitting here talking about what I learned from Michael Jackson. It’s a mystery that mankind has been trying to unravel since time immemorial and there are times when I feel that I’ve got a lock on that one! [LOL!]

Or I could probably fill an entire book on the concept of ‘living without limits.’

Living without limits, huh?

Yes, and I think it is an idea that we could all take lessons from you on; you were such a pure, shining example of living without limits, Beloved.

I can’t see how my life could have taught you that lesson; I was always limited. When I started out, I was told what to say, how to dress, how to answer questions, how to walk and talk and comb my hair. I was caged in hotel rooms, unable to move freely anywhere in the world from a very young age, surrounded by bodyguards and the ever-present paparazzi every move I made.

Ah, but in your heart and in your imagination you were the freest bird on this planet, My Beautiful Love. You saw something that everyone told you was impossible … and because they said it was impossible … you had to conquer it. The Thriller album, the Thriller short film, the lean in Smooth Criminal, Neverland Valley Ranch, you did them … you did them all … beautifully, gracefully, and made the doing appear effortless.

Literally, everyone in the world tried to define you according to what they saw, but you remained the person you wanted to be against all odds and peer pressures that were brought to bear. Even their weapons of mass communication couldn’t make you veer from the course that you had set for yourself. The ‘experts’ diagnosed you with not one, but two diseases, either of which could have been debilitating to anyone else in the world; but you didn’t allow their diagnoses to define you. You were not Vitiligo; you were not Lupus; you ARE Michael Jackson. You pushed against the limits they had set for you with every performance and step you danced and every song you sang.

When you started performing, you broke through the barriers that the world expected of a child performer; you sang each song with emotion that no one thought a child could possibly express with any believability. As you got older, the music industry told you that you would lose your voice when it changed, but you breezed through that one without breaking a sweat. As a young man, you wanted to create the biggest selling album in history and your colleagues tried to dissuade you from that dream; they didn’t want you to be disappointed if the album didn’t meet your expectations, but you did it in spades. By the time of BAD, you were at the top of your game, but they were still telling you that what you wanted to do was impossible; you showed them! I just have one question. Didn’t they realize that telling you something couldn’t be done was just like lighting a match under a pile of dried leaves? ‘Can’t” and ‘impossible’ were words that were just totally meaningless in your vocabulary … or used as goads to spur greater achievement.

I hope you don’t mind me quoting a song that you didn’t write, sing or perform … but which in my opinion was written with you in mind … even though it was written before your advent on the music scene. I see you so much in the lyrics; and it is a perfect example of ‘living without limits.’ It was written for a play called Man of La Mancha and it speaks to me so much of you, Beloved.

To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear the unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go

To right the unrightable wrong
To love pure and chaste from afar
To strive with my last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far
To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march into hell
For a heavenly cause
And I know if I’ll only be true
To that glorious quest
That my heart
Will lie peaceful and calm
When I’m laid to my rest

And the world will be better for this
That one man scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star

No, I don’t mind; it is a beautiful song. And thank you for seeing me in the lyrics … but, as I’ve said so often in these dialogs … I love you more.

Now, back to the subject of the lessons you’ve learned from me. Personally, I like the first one the best. And if I have had even the smallest part in bringing you to that realization, then my life was not lived in van. That is what we are all meant to be to each other … a reminder that God is present and loves each and every one of us MORE.

The thing is, baby, I am not alone in this realization. Many of my friends, too, have been similarly touched by you and have come to the same realization as a result. So, it’s not just me who has benefited so richly from this particular lesson.

Don’t get me all emotional again! God bless you all!

Jan – May 27, 2011

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Week of May 14 through May 21, 2011

Beloved, may I ask you a question?

Only one? [Michael giggles.] Sure, ask away.

Well, I have had a song ricocheting off my cranial cortex for days, which is not an uncommon thing.

[Michael laughs. ‘Ricocheting off your cranial cortex?’]

Yeah, like going round and round in my head in a continuous loop … when I wake up in the morning it rises from the bed with me … and I hear it as I drift off to sleep at night. Generally when this happens, it is the whole song I hear in a continuous loop … and not just a portion of it. The unusual thing about this particular incident is that it is only a ‘snippet’ of the song, just the spoken introduction … not the music or your beautiful voice singing the lyrics or anything else really.  Just “Come on, let’s talk about it.” And I haven’t really heard Someone Put Your Hand Out for a while (either by Michael-providence or design), so I can’t really figure out the significance of this 30-second introduction bouncing around in my brain … or what kind of message the incident holds for me.

[Michael laughs.] Michael-providence. That’s funny! I love it!

You’ve been hiding from me … well, not hiding exactly … but avoiding speaking to me about something that has you puzzled. You know, you can’t keep avoiding the subject forever. I will pester and annoy you until you ‘give in to me.’ Those words ‘ricocheting off your cranial cortex’ are just me pestering and annoying you … an engraved invitation for you to begin this conversation. We are eventually going to have to talk about it, you know? Why put it off?

Okay! Okay! Baby, I surrender, already! I have been putting it off; thinking that if I ignore it, maybe it will go away, but it’s not going away. I’m sorry. I know we have to talk about this subject and I know that it’s going to be a difficult conversation to have … for both of us. You told me a couple of conversations ago that we were going to be working on this project next, but I am so hesitant because I have the feeling that you are going to push me far outside of my comfort zone on this one.

[Michael laughs.] Of course, I’m going to push you out of your comfort zone. That’s a given, your comfort zone is our starting point. Pushing you out of it is what I do best … and well … let’s face it … you don’t want to stay holed up in that comfort zone, anyway. It’s too safe. It’s boring in there! You’re not learning anything when you’re surrounded by those four walls; they contain you; you can’t expand in there. You’re not creating new pathways or thoughts and ideas from that place; you’re just rehashing and reliving the old. It’s only when you step outside of that comfortable little rut … and take a risk … that your thoughts soar freely. You know that.

Yeah, I know, but I want to go on record, here, by telling you that I don’t think we are ever going to get me to a place where I am anything but frustrated, angry, vengeful and full of hate and resentment on the subject of Tom Sneddon.

This man’s every breath in your absence is an affront to my sense of right and wrong, my understanding of good and evil, fairness and justice … as well as to common human decency, civilization and the human race. What this man did to you is indefensible and inexcusable on any level; furthermore, what he did to us … the people who love you … your family, your friends, your children and your followers … is unforgivable. He is the very embodiment of evil to me. He’s the very thing that he tried to make the world believe you were … Satan, Lucifer, Beelzebub … all rolled into one nasty, bigoted, mean-spirited, small-minded, self-absorbed, ambition-driven, fame-seeking human being. This man is a waste of good skin!

Yeah, but what do you REALLY feel? [Michael laughs out loud.] Phew! I’m glad I got that off my chest, aren’t you? [Still chuckling.]

But, tell me something. Are you comfortable feeling that way about another human being? Does that mindset fit in that comfort zone you are so anxious to not be pushed out of?

No! Not really. I hate feeling that way about anyone or anything. But, in this case, it fits! He’s not worth the effort it would take for me to change it!

Are you?

Am I what?

Worth the effort it would take to change it? Because we’re not really all that concerned about him in this conversation. It’s YOU we’re worried about here! You are the one whose heart is imprisoned within these angry and resentful feelings. He doesn’t care! Are YOU worth the effort it would take to change the emotional baggage you’re dragging around with you?

Yeah, I guess … but right or wrong, I hold him more responsible for taking you from us than I do Dr. Conrad Murray. It was Sneddon who hounded you for darn close to fifteen years; it was he that dogged your every step; followed you around the world interviewing the hundreds of children you befriended to get one kid … anywhere … to speak against you just so that he could smear you with his brush; it was he that invaded your (and our) Garden of Eden with his hatred and lies; it was he that did his level best to humiliate and destroy the most beautiful soul this poor planet had seen in a very long while … in-spiriting the most phenomenally light-and love-filled, brilliant, gorgeous human being our Source ever created.

Awww! God bless you! I love you more, you know. Your love is so beautiful; I could bask in its glow forever, but we have work to do. So, quit trying to distract me.

Well, it was worth a try! [Michael giggles.] He was the one who persecuted you into exile from us and from your home. He was the one who faked finger print evidence in full view of a grand jury (and they let him get away with it); and conspired with his cronies in the Santa Barbara Police Department to trash your beautiful home and to badger children into making false accusations. I want to see him and his accomplices in the media that aided and abetted his tyranny in that police department punished! I want to see his bedfellows in the legal profession and the psychologist’s office who played into his hand exposed for the bigoted, hate-filled, racists they are.

I understand how you feel, but revenge and frustration never conquered hatred. Only love is strong enough to vanquish what he did, turn it to good and erase the hurt from your heart … and the world’s. Vengefulness just multiplies hatred. It bonds to it … strengthens it.

It’s like thread … a single strand of thread can be broken easily between your fingers … but take two or three or four or five strands and twist them together and you make a much stronger and more durable constraint, able to withstand ten times the force it takes to break a single strand. Take a million strands twisted and braided together and you have a rope strong enough to tie a huge sailing vessel to a dock … or raise and lower an anchor from its deck to the ocean floor.

You are just adding another strand to the already fist-thick knot of fear- and hate-based toxic wastes that tether the human race to its physical, myopic view of reality and keep it from soaring among the stars. With the feelings you harbor against this man, you are holding yourself back from achieving that state of Pure Love that you long for.

Okay, I do understand that, Beloved. I can visualize the smog that you’ve described so many times during these conversations. But would you allow me to just vent here for a minute … or three?

Will it help you to let it go, if you vent? Will you feel better? Will venting get it all out of your system? If it will stop you from eating yourself alive with your hatred, go ahead … vent. I did! I vented in front of thousands of people every time I sang D.S on the HIStory Tour. “Tom Sneddon is a cold man!” [Michael sings.]

I vented in hotel rooms and trashed a couple while I was touring. I gotta tell you, it didn’t help that much … and it just fueled his rabid desire to bring me down. But … if you feel the need to vent … I will hold you in my arms while you let it all out. Go ahead.

Okay, thank you. I know you want me to forgive all those who added to your suffering in this physical life, but I don’t want to forgive them. I want these people hung, drawn, and quartered … eviscerated … flayed alive … as you were; I want them stripped naked and photographed, their private parts moved aside with a pencil to afford a better camera angle … as you were; I want this to happen in the most publically humiliating manner possible. I want each and every one of their faces to be splashed in headlines four inches tall in full color and I want their crimes broadcast on every newscast and magazine in the world and I want those headlines to make them unwelcome no matter where they try to hide their shame. I want them left homeless … and friendless … I want every one of their relationships scrutinized, picked apart and examined for criminal intent because what these people did to you is criminal and should be treated as such in a court of law. I want them to suffer the same kind of excruciating, heartbreaking and interminable mental, emotional, psychic and physical agony as they caused you, my Dear One … and I want it to continue for as long as it continued for you (that would be 15 years.) I want to be present when it happens so that I can hear their screams of anguish, as I heard yours from across a planet.

But, instead of venting, will you just hold me in your arms while I cry it all out?

Of course, I will hold you and rock you … you don’t even need to ask. What is it about this situation that hurts you so badly?

[Jan’s note: I can almost feel my cheek resting against Michael’s breastbone, smell his cologne, hear his heartbeat, feel his beautiful, elegant, graceful hand stroking my hair.]

I just can’t believe that our Divine Father would allow such evil to triumph over the good that you personified with every breath you took and the healing power of love that you promoted as you walked this world.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a minute! Who says that his evil has triumphed? What makes you think that he’s won? He hasn’t won anything! Not against me … and, especially, not against you … unless you abandon our symphony by joining him in his hatred, his cynical view of life and his judgmental, bigoted outlook! Then … he wins by default! If you don’t want him to win, we are going to have to find a way to dismantle this wall of hatred behind which he is luring you from our common purpose … our symphony … to heal the world with love.

We’ve only run the first lap of this marathon; there are several left to run. Don’t call the race … forfeit … before the finish line even comes into view. This thing isn’t over yet … not by a long chalk.

Well, Beloved … you can understand our confusion. To the world it appears that he has won. And, I imagine, when he is alone or with his supporters, he rejoices that he got rid of you very effectively. He thinks he has won. After all, he is still walking this Earth and spinning his evil like a spider spins a web to entrap a passing fly while you have been taken from us. He’s still able to kiss his wife and his children and his grandchildren, if he even has any … and assuming that any of them would sit still for being kissed by him.

And I am here talking to you, holding you in my arms, rocking you gently; I haven’t gone anywhere. You feel my hand stroking your head, you smell my cologne and hear my voice … it is REAL! My web covers the planet like a hair net while his is confined to a small portion of Southern California. I have kissed my children every night of their lives, the last almost two years not excluded and they know my presence in their souls, just as you do. My impact has been multiplied … magnified … reflected through each one of you like a candle flame in a house of mirrors; my message of L.O.V.E. has gone further, faster than anyone could have ever anticipated as each one of you awakened … and continues to awaken … across the world. He hasn’t won.

And you and I both know that you would be the first voice lifted to beg for mercy for him and his cohorts … that’s just your anger talking. That’s why I love you; you wouldn’t be able to watch him … or anyone else … suffer; you wouldn’t be able to inflict any of those wounds. You are compassion and empathy, mercy and L.O.V.E. That’s what makes you different from him. You’re like me. You can’t stand to see anyone in pain. It’s why you can’t watch movies or read books that show or suggest deliberate cruelty being perpetrated by human beings against other human beings.

Look at what is happening now. People are beginning to come forward, aren’t they? All the others he has hounded, pursued, abused, and discriminated against are telling their stories and suing him and his office in civil litigations and evidence is being gathered for his prosecution, isn’t it?

Yes, my Dear one, there is a man by the name of Wagener who is one of those with a complaint against Sneddon. He wants to prosecute him for his offenses in the areas of civil rights and discriminatory prosecutions and he is gathering a following … has a page on Facebook soliciting donations to defray the legal costs involved in prosecuting the former D.A.  I’ve also seen several websites which are collecting stories of wrongful prosecutions and abuses of power that occurred during Sneddon’s tenure as District Attorney in Santa Barbara County.

So far, there are nineteen known civil or criminal cases pending or resolved with monetary awards against Sneddon and the Santa Barbara County District Attorney’s office, including the following partial list of crimes being alleged against him, specifically: racketeering, witness tampering, conspiracy; malicious prosecution brought by a defense attorney; civil rights violations and false imprisonment (a civil case in which the complainant was awarded $300,000 in damages); obstruction of justice, false arrest, conspiracy and more civil rights abuses, including some members of the SBPD suing for threatening police officers’ rights to privacy and speaking out about being forced out of jobs with the SBPD because of racial discrimination and harassment within the power structure under Sneddon’s jurisdiction. A common thread among all the known (at this time) cases is conspiracy, wrongful prosecution and discriminatory practices.

[Note: The names and specifics of these nineteen separate and distinct cases of legal actions brought against the Santa Barbara District Attorney Office and Police Department, and Sneddon, specifically, are available on other websites. [Reference: http://www.mjj-777.com]  Therefore, in an effort to avoid duplication of effort I will not list all the specifics here at With a Child’s Heart.]

Recently, an employee of the Department of Children and Families, County of Santa Barbara has spoken out about the investigations and interviews conducted from 1993 through 2005 and has stated unequivocally that no evidence ever existed to support Sneddon’s prosecution of you, that you always cooperated fully with the department’s investigations and that the entire case of the People of California vs. Michael Joseph Jackson was cooked up by the District Attorney’s office … and Tom Sneddon. Few news services picked up the story (probably because they would then have to admit to their own culpability in the media madness that followed Sneddon’s lead in both 1993 and 2003 through 2005), but your children have our own methods of disseminating important information.

Of course, Thomas Mesereau has been very vocal in his defense of you since 2005. He has been interviewed by Aphrodite Jones and videotaped by Larry Nimmer and has spoken to any service which has thrust a microphone in front of his face about the abuses of power and harassment you endured during the years 2003 through 2005 at the hands of the DA’s office and the police department in Santa Barbara County. He is such a highly-respected, articulate representative of the legal profession and people have a tendency to listen to him.

Aphrodite Jones has outlined exactly how the house of cards the DA had so carefully erected out of lies and speculative sound bites collapsed under the weight of direct cross examination by your lead defense counsel. She also exposed proof of the media bias that resulted in a total failure to report factual information from inside the courtroom during your trial … and presented an unbiased view of the testimonies and evidence by which the jury came to its conclusion of fourteen ‘not guilty’ verdicts in her book, Michael Jackson Conspiracy.  Another free-lance writer, Charles Thomson, has also focused on the court case and exposed the facts that were not reported by our media in his article for The Huffington Post entitled The Most Shameful Episode in Journalistic History.

So, there is movement in the direction of calling Sneddon to task for his malfeasance of justice. It appears that many of the complaints that are surfacing are of a discriminatory nature; much of what you endured may have been racially-motivated … the very thing you crusaded so strongly against all your life.

That’s a good point … very perceptive … and one which you should consider more carefully, perhaps.  What would be the one thing that a racist would hate more than anything … what would be ‘poetic justice’ for a bigot? What would be the best revenge for someone who worked so hard to impede the progress of the human race toward ‘higher consciousness?’  

Wouldn’t it be ironic if Mr. Sneddon’s actions actually ended up aiding the struggle for racial equality and social justice for all races and creeds in the United States? Highlighting the injustices caused by racism would bring world attention to the issue, wouldn’t it? As the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King aided the civil rights movement … and the extended incarceration of Mr. Nelson Mandela aided the abolition of apartheid in South Africa … maybe my experiences, too, will have repercussions into infinity.

I have talked to Mr. Mandela and he expressed to me that it was worth it … to emerge after years of forced imprisonment and walk out into the blazing sunlight of a South Africa, free of the taint of apartheid. I am sure that Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. would have expressed the same thought. Perhaps, Sneddon’s decade-long pursuit of me and the other examples of his abuse of power might, finally, help to bring about an end to more than two hundred years of injustice and the degradation of the human spirit by shining a stark light on the practices and prejudices he espoused.

These were evil things; at least as evil as Sneddon’s actions, if not more so, but great good arose like a phoenix from the ashes of those events for all of mankind.

Oh, baby, what a beautiful visual and thought.  But would you?

The phoenix rising from the ashes is you creating you.

Would I what?

Would you, too, say that … like Mr. Mandela and Dr. Martin Luther King … all the pain you suffered while you walked among us was worth it?

If my life brought the human race one step closer to healing the arbitrary divisions that separate us, yes, it was worth it.

If the example that I left brought one soul to a realization of his or her worth in the Symphony in the Key of Love, yes, it was worth it.

If one song or dance or performance bridged the gap between the physical and the spiritual for even the briefest of moments, yes, it was worth it.

If one word that I spoke brought one child a moment of happiness and escapism from the harsh reality of his existence, yes, it was worth it.

If one penny that I gave freely and with joy to another brought even one moment of relief from fear or pain or bought one more heartbeat for a dying child, yes, it was worth it. Does that answer your question?

It’s not too far-fetched to look at these events from the longer view. Isn’t that exactly what happened in the case of Hitler? Didn’t his unsuccessful attempts to wipe the Jewish people off the face of the Earth make it possible for them to reclaim their ancestral home and pave the way for the nation of Israel to take its place as a world power? Wasn’t it his rabid hatred and cruelty that fully entrenched them into the power structure in almost every country on the globe?

What are you suggesting, here, Beloved? Do you have foreknowledge of what will come to pass?

Absolutely not! How could I when you haven’t created it, yet? I’m just restating what I have said throughout this series of Conversations … from our first little chat until this one. You can never know in which direction the ripples will extend from the pebble thrown into the still pond. You can’t predict the outcome of someone else’s actions or how those ripples will influence history as they touch people’s hearts and souls. Perhaps, Sneddon’s pursuit of me will be the ripple that washes equality for every man … in practice as well as in theory … ashore with the tide.

Let’s face it … how can an entertainment figure awaken a spiritual revival in thousands upon thousands of souls on a global basis? How is that possible? By what mechanism can such an unlikely occurrence be explained? How can a singer and dancer flood a planet with L.O.V.E. to the point that his sudden absence causes almost the entire globe to pause for a few moments in shock and sorrow and remembrance … and awaken people to the spiritual connections they share with each other and with him even after his rebirth? There is only one way a thing like that can be explained … and only one agent by which such connections can be demonstrated, promoted and reinforced. It’s MAGIC … the magic of God’s Plan bearing unseasonal fruit! It’s the MAGIC our Divine Father created us to enjoy and to marvel at.

So, what do you suggest, Beloved? Forgiveness of Thomas Sneddon … at least for me at this point … is not possible. I can’t forgive him until the truth about him and what he did to all of us is universally known. If he could acknowledge and finally speak the truth, I would have a much easier time absolving him.

Okay, then how about using the same technique with Sneddon that we used with Dr. Murray? Instead of praying for his soul to be saved from the deceitful and dishonest web into which he has woven himself, can you thank the Divine One for bringing His Perfect Plan to fruition with foreknowledge that it is already accomplished? Instead of pleading for him to be forgiven … or punished for … his many sins, can you be grateful and praise God’s Perfect Plan with faith that all will work out to the highest and greatest good of all? How about thanking Him for letting the truth about Sneddon’s activities as DA be exposed, not in a spirit of revenge … but to heal his heart of its hardness … and heal the world of its pain? Could you fight your way clear to praying that the Spirit of Truth would enter the investigations surrounding the abuses that occurred under Sneddon’s command and shed its blinding, healing light on the pain he’s caused?

How about praying that your heart may be healed of the dis-ease it suffers when you contemplate the many ways you want to punish him, that your desire for revenge may be turned into promoting God’s justice for those who suffered from his actions, that the Spirit of God’s Truth would surround his heart and make it impossible for him to continue to deceive the world by remaining silent any longer? Would that work?

Have I told you lately how much I love you, Michael.

Yes, you have. Have I told you … I LOVE YOU MORE?

Jan – May 20, 2011

Call for Love Devotion – May 21, 2011

Eternal Father,

We admit that we don’t always perceive our world from the Eternal view … thank you for healing our shortsightedness.

We know that our vision is often obscured by our own feelings of inadequacy or ideas of justice … thank you for educating us in Your mercy.

We wear the blinders of human frailty, but delude ourselves that we have all the answers … thank you for teaching us that asking the right question is the pinnacle of wisdom.

We inflate ourselves with the pride of judgment and criticism … thank you for teaching us humility.

We can’t hear Your still, quiet voice through the din of our busy-ness and industry … thank you for sending us messengers who speak our tongues and sing our dreams and dance our fantasies, showing us the way to go with their lives well-lived in Your service.

We acknowledge that our world doesn’t recognize Your gift … thank you for blessing us with eyes to see and ears to hear and the will to witness and testify to your Love for us. For you so loved the world that you sent us not one … but two … of your Beloved Sons to shine radiant light into all the dark places in our hearts and bring your Truth into our reality.

May the Spirit of Truth enfold us in her voluminous wings. May She spread her wings to envelope all who make their living by deceit; who advance their agendas with gossip, speculation, innuendo and lies; who bear false witness against their neighbors for profit or who bolster their careers and profit from the downfall of others. May the soft touch of her feathers ignite the flame of Truth and thaw the coldness within their hearts, leading them from the darkness of their iniquity into the sunlight of Your Grace.

Thank you for transmuting what we view as shameful waste, in our imperfect understanding, into the seeds of a better and more healed future for our children and our planet through the alchemy of your L.O.V.E.  Thank you for watering those tender seedlings with our tears and baking them in the crucible of Your Plan as seedlings become old growth forests, restoring the human race to Your beautiful Garden of Eden where we will, at long last, end our exile in Your embrace.

We view death as an ending, a parting … thank you for teaching us rebirth awaits all who pass that way, that loss is not forever, that pain bears precious fruit and that we are not alone in our grieving.

We praise You and thank You for your Perfect Plan for us, even as we often fight against its promptings … thank you for healing our faithlessness and teaching us the perfect peace of surrender.

In the name of Your Beloved Son, Jesus, and in the memory of your Beloved Son, Michael, we pray.


[Jan’s note: The legendary phoenix is a symbol for resurrection, rebirth, revival. In the alchemical tradition, it also represents the base metal transmuting within the crucible of purification into precious gold. I chose this graphic as an appropriate accompaniment to this Conversation. “The phoenix rising from the ashes is you creating you.”]



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Magic is a nebulous concept
It shifts and reforms
Just beyond the comfort of definition
Weighed and measured
It is found wanting
’Til its absence is sorely missed
On the day the magic died

Magic is a newborn’s smile
When the doctor says, “It’s gas”
We know a smile from gas my friend
You don’t even need to ask
Magic is a cloud formation
That reminds of someone known
Floating high above our heads
When all our faith has flown

A breath of life
Flutters on a breeze
Delighting our senses
With gossamer wings
Stained glass tracery of perpetual motion
Until pinned against black velvet
Examined under a microscope
On the day the magic died

How does one define it?
Encapsulate it?
Is it illusion?
Or just confusion?
Unseen but surely felt
It hovers in the periphery of our vision
Gliding, spinning, it remains motionless
At the center of our decision
On the day the magic died

We grasp
And try to hold it still
But it vanishes like a puff of wind
We want it
But reject it still
It’s alien, foreign
To the logical mind
It makes us laugh
It makes us sing
Until the day the magic dies

We love it
But refuse to admit
We need it
It just doesn’t fit
Attempts to group it
With similar kind
Fail and we are left
On the day the magic dies

How to rekindle
That lost hope
How to untie
The fraying rope
We bind around our dreams
While burying them deep
Beneath the soil of our
Mundane, pedestrian lives
We keep them safe
While within we weep
For the day the magic died

Magic danced our dreams
Enlivened our souls
Breathed our most hidden thoughts
Broke all our molds
To be defined by our roles
Moonwalked over
Around and through our boundaries
And humbly accepted our applause
Until the day the magic died

Do you remember
Where you were
On the day the magic died?

Since that day
The colors are faded
Our lives are experienced
As somehow more jaded
Less innocent
More sad
Less playful
Were we mad?

How could we reject magic
Wherever we found it
For magic is just another name for life,
For love
And life cannot be buried
Love does not reside in marble crypt
Magic lives forever
In our hearts
When we remember

Magic is the mustard seed
He planted in our hearts
Magic is his smile we see
When we’re told we have to part
Magic is his laugh we hear
Through the tears we shed in vain
Magic is the song he sings
To chase away our pain

He tells us over and over again
That we are not alone
He reaches out his hand for us
He waits to take us home.

My idea of magic doesn’t have much to do with stage tricks and illusions. The whole world abounds in magic. When a whale plunges out of the sea like a newborn mountain, you gasp in unexpected delight. What magic! But a toddler who sees his first tadpole flashing in a mud puddle feels the same thrill. Wonder fills his heart, because he has glimpsed for an instant the playfulness of life.

When I see the clouds whisked away from a snow-capped peak, I feel like shouting, “Bravo!” Nature, the best of all magicians, has delivered another thrill. She has exposed the real illusion, our inability to be amazed by her wonders. Every time the sun rises, Nature is repeating one command: “Behold!” Her magic is infinitely lavish, and in return all we have to do is appreciate it.

What delight Nature must feel when she makes stars out of swirling gas and empty space. She flings them like spangles from a velvet cape, a billion reasons for us to awaken in pure joy. When we open our hearts and appreciate all she has given us, Nature finds her reward. The sound of applause rolls across the universe, and she bows.
Michael Jackson ~ Dancing the Dream ~1992

My heart has been caught up in the concept of Magic for the past couple of weeks. How do we define it? It defies definition. As soon as you try to examine it too closely, it disappears like a puff of summer wind.

As adults, our lives are caught up and glued to some very un-magical activities like putting food on the table and gas in the tank, getting the kids up and dressed for school and making sure they have clean clothes to wear. The belief in magic is a very ‘childish’ thing and our society wants to make sure that we don’t have time to notice the magic that surrounds us in everything we do.

Whenever my heart is caught up in a concept, I write about it … and this week is no exception. This magic thing has me by the shorthairs and won’t let me go until I spill my guts on the subject. So, I’ve written a poem about it above. We will return to the Conversations series soon.

Jan – May 15, 2011

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Week of May 7 through May 17, 2011

Well, finally! I was beginning to think you had abandoned me.

Huh? Me? Abandon you? I thought you had abandoned me.

Do you see how easily misunderstandings can happen? Of course, I haven’t abandoned you. I’ve told you over and over again that I will not leave you unless you send me away. And even, then, I will check back often to make sure you want me to stay away.

I will never willingly send you away again, beloved; it’s too painful to be without you … in my head and in my heart. I’ve been missing you so dreadfully and wondering if you would ever come back and speak to me again.

And I keep telling you that I am always here … and I am always speaking to you … in whatever way you are open to hearing me. But I’ve sensed that you’ve been ‘closed’ to me for a little while. It’s a little hard for you to hear me when you have what someone else has said … and what you have answered … and what he or she has responded …. and on and on and on … replaying in your mind like a broken record. So, I’ve gone back to the drawing board and returned to speaking through the music again, which is the way our conversations began. Do you remember?

Of course, I remember … how could I forget? I even wrote one of our conversations down back then. I can’t remember the exact date, but I believe it was in the mid- 1990’s. I think I may have published the piece on my original website, Fan in the Mirror.

Why don’t you pull that out and put it here? Just for illustration.

Are you serious? I’m not sure I can even still find it … or that I saved it. A lot of that stuff is on my old hard drive in the attic, although I did manage to find some files on floppy discs and zip drives. I don’t even have a floppy disc drive on this computer, but I did figure out how to put some of those old files on a flash drive a couple of months ago. Maybe it’s there. Are you sure?

Sure! Why not? I’m sure, if you decide to post this on your blog, that there are lots of people out there who are curious about how these conversations happen, aren’t there? And, if you decide not to post it on your blog for everyone to read, then … what does it matter? Pull it out and let’s talk about one of the ways these conversations get done. We’ve got nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of.

That’s true. Well, okay, let me see if I can find it.

Have You Ever …?

Have you ever been so angry … at life, in general … that you just wanted to let it all out by yelling, “Stop pressurin’ me … makes me wanna scream!”? Have you ever been pushed by circumstances so hard that you KNEW that you would feel better if you could just … [fill in the blank, this is a family website :)]

I, for one, have had a rough couple of weeks … and forced by circumstances beyond my control into a period of relative inactivity has really done ME a world of good … just tonight.

You see … I had forgotten! Even though I’ve written about it so often … I had forgotten. I had actually forgotten WHY I love this man, Michael Joseph Jackson, so much. How could that have happened? Has it ever happened to you?

Tonight, I sat down and turned on my stereo … and listened to my teacher … my mentor … my friend … for roughly one and a half hours. That “life in general”… that I mentioned before … had gotten to me. The repeated blows to my reality had beaten me down far enough for me to just give up … and sit down … and listen to Michael. Well, what would you have done? I was just that mad. But when I REALLY listen to Michael, I crank up the stereo (yes, there IS one notch past ‘Are You Nuts?’) … put on the headphones … and go bye bye. I close my eyes so I won’t be disturbed by that sense … I can’t see … I can’t hear anything except his sweet voice … I am completely and totally surrounded by Michael Jackson. He is my inner … and outer … world for those moments. And I allow that beautiful man to SPEAK to me.

I want my reader to understand my situation. I have a three-disc player. I put in ‘Bad,’ ‘Dangerous,’ and ‘HIStory, Disc 2’ … pushed random play (in other words I wasn’t choosing these particular songs … they just happened) … pushed back my recliner … and listened to Michael. I love it when a plan comes together :))).

The first song I heard tonight was ‘Man In The Mirror.’ Michael told me “you gotta make that change …” and he IS right. We all have to choose to make that change. Then he asked me, ”Will You Be There?” My answer was, “Oh, yes, Michael … I am here … always.” Well, what would you have answered?

Next, he asked, “How many people have to die, slaughtered in vain across the land? How many children have to cry before we choose to live the prophet’s plan?” In other words, he was saying, “Don’t you realize how damaging anger is … and has been since the beginning of time? You aren’t hurting anyone with this anger but yourself.” Then he reassured me, “Keep the faith, don’t let no one turn you round. You got to know when it’s good to go to get your dreams up off the ground.” I answered, “I am trying, sweet man … but doggone it … it’s pretty hard sometimes.”

“Okay,” he said. “Let’s get rid of the anger and pain. IMMEDIATELY! It is hurting you. So, you wanna get really MAD? Okay … let’s get mad!! Stop pressuring me,” he yelled directly into my eardrums. Then he showed me that we have “so much corruption, police brutality. We got streetwalkers, walkin into darkness. Tell me, what are we doin to try to stop this?” In other words, “You think you got problems. Your problems are relatively insignificant when compared with the state of the world we are living in. That’s where we need to concentrate our efforts … on fixing what’s wrong in this world. But, first, we gotta fix what’s wrong within so that we can come from a space of loving and healing … instead of anger and pain.”

He showed me how angry he’d gotten with, “beat me, hate me … you can never break me. Will me, thrill me … you can never kill me!” Anger … YES … but … in equal proportion … STRENGTH!! … indomitable … undeniable … Herculean strength! He was telling me that it’s okay to get angry … but it’s NOT OKAY TO GIVE UP!! He showed me his pain, “here abandoned in my fame, Armageddon of the brain. KGB was doggin me … take my name but just let me be” to help me deal with mine.

“Yes, Michael,” I replied quietly. “You do know how I feel, don’t you?” He told me how they’d “falsely accused” him. Not just in the lyrics or the pain in his voice … but in the rhythms (which were enough to drive my heart straight into my throat at one notch past ‘Are You Nuts?’) … and the background melodies and harmonies. That man must be the most harmonious creature on the face of this earth! The beat of ‘Dirty Diana!’ The harmonies of ‘Why You Wanna Trip on Me?’

After we’d both expressed and expended our anger, he bathed me with his golden voice in reassuring me that I “am not alone” … that he knew exactly how I felt and validated those feelings. He washed me squeaky clean and flushed my anger and negativity away in the first 8 BARS!!

Can’t wait to meet this guy? Me, too! Make it soon, Michael … and please give me at least a heartbeat’s notice. 🙂

He gives us HIS anger … to use in helping us EXPRESS (as in ‘push out’) ours … without hurting ourselves … or anyone else. He asks US to give him ours in ‘Give In To Me’ … and he uses THAT TO EXPRESS US TOO as we provide the fuel for his feet to slide effortlessly across the floor! How in the world does this one scrawny, little, skinny, pale guy do this to me? And how could I forget in between the times when I need his help dealing with being fed up with EVERYTHING?? How? I wanna know how this happens? He has taken much of the sting out of my anger for me tonight … making me feel a whole lot better.

This is why I love this guy!! Besides he is heart-stoppingly, earth-shatteringly, soul-quiveringly GORGEOUS! There oughtta be a law against looking that good at his age. I don’t! And I’m only 8 years older! Makes me wanna scream!

I’ve written about it before. It used to be a much more eerie experience when I would let Michael talk to me when I had my old stereo. It played from among 60 (yes, sixty) discs randomly. :)))

Just push random. Michael WILL speak to you too! The fun part of all this is … Michael Jackson is at your beck and call … Michael Jackson is at your service … and mine. He asks us to USE him. All you have to do is push the button!

There, see? That didn’t hurt at all, did it? [Michael laughs.] Do you still want that ‘heartbeat’s notice?’

No, not really. And no, I don’t need any notice at all, baby. That was written back in the days when I would have wanted to fix my hair and put on makeup and be as presentable as I could be. I don’t have to worry about that anymore … there is nothing that could make this carcass presentable. Those days are long gone. You have seen me the way God created me; I have nothing further to hide from you. I had forgotten about that piece until we began this discussion.

Have our methods changed since you wrote this piece?

Well, there have been a couple of elements added, but the musical inspiration aspect is still a very large part of how these Conversations get done. I just fill in the blanks in between a little bit more … embellish them … kinda like tumbling a rough stone over and over in a river of words and mental pictures to knock off the rough edges … but much of the methodology remains the same.

My MP3 player has helped. I don’t have the sixty-disc player anymore. When it died, it was an interesting experience getting my sixty compact discs back, I can tell you (because it died with all 60 slots filled and wouldn’t turn on so that I could remove them!) I had to take the silly thing in to a repair place and have them take it apart to get my discs back! But the roughly 300 songs I’ve loaded onto my MP3 player could be estimated to be the equivalent of 30 discs, I suppose.

However, the methodology remains the same. Sometimes, the messages are not quite as clear as the dialog above … and sometimes they are so appropriate to the circumstances I am facing that it’s a bit like being smacked in the head with a baseball bat.

[Michael laughs.] Ouch … yeah … subtlety has never been my strong suit. Give me an example of a more recent conversation that was like ‘being smacked in the head with a baseball bat.’ Is that kinda like being hit by a train?

[Jan laughs.] Yeah, very similar! Okay, on Monday I was feeling very low and had allowed doubt regarding our relationship to sneak in the back door. So, I plugged in my player when I got into the car in the morning and just let you choose my playlist for me … and the results were very appropriate to the feelings I was experiencing. My forty-five minute ride to work was an extended conversation similar to the one above.

First … In The Back from the Ultimate Collection … Usually, you let me know that you know how I’m feeling. And you’re usually pretty accurate in gauging my mood when we are in Conversation mode. I was feeling a bit stabbed in the back that day.

Then … They Don’t Really Care About Us … My interpretation of this is that I need to stiffen my spine, grow some ‘rhinoceros skin’ and be defiant … instead of just curling up in a corner and allowing myself to be defeated without a fight. Beat me, hate me, you can never break me. Will me, thrill me, you can never kill me. In other words, don’t give in to it … show some spunk!

Get On The Floor (no time for rejection … gonna move gonna groove ya … gonna say things to ya … just wait and see) … I interpret this as reassurance that you’re still here and that our relationship will continue … so stop wallowing in personal feelings of rejection and humiliation … and get busy. We have work to do, quit wasting time and get on the floor and dance with me.

I Wanna Be Where You Are … “Can it be I’ve stayed away too long? Did I leave your mind while I was gone? It’s not my thing trying to get back. This time won’t you tell me where its at. You don’t have to worry cuz I’m comin’ back to where I should have always stayed. And now I’ve learned the meaning to your story and it’s enough love for me to stay. I only wanna be where you are … uh oh … any any anywhere you are uh oh oh.” Just the lyrics of this one pretty well say it all in my opinion. I don’t think they need further explanation.

Lookin Through the Windows … the windows to your heart, I can see it’s cloudy, the rain’s about to start … In the context of this conversation, I would interpret this one to mean that you are aware of the things in my life that are getting me down or making me feel humiliated or making me doubt. Or, if you are not aware of the particular circumstances which have caused my depression in specific detail, you are aware of my feelings regarding them. In other words, you are present … I am reminded of your promise “I’ll Be There.” And you are sensitive to my moods and my interpretations of them.

Shake Your Body (Down to the Ground) … I’m hearing this as “shake it off” … let it roll off like a drop of water rolls off a waxy surface … and let’s dance, let’s shout … shake your body down to the ground. But I’m also hearing “you’re the spark that lit the fire inside of me and I do know that I love ya. You walk around this town with your head all up in the sky and you do know that I want ya. Let’s dance, let’s shout, shake your body down to the ground.” So, yet another reassurance of your love.

Oh yeah … Hollywood Tonight rounded off this particular section of the Conversation. I haven’t totally figured out how this song fits into the dialog we were engaged in, but sometimes you throw me a song just because I like the song. So, I’m not terribly worried about it.

However, I think just as important as the methods we use to accomplish these Conversations is the FAITH with which they are imbued … that goes into them. And this past week, I will admit, truthfully, that FAITH has been a bit of an uphill battle. I’ve been trying to ‘keep my head up to the sky,’ but it has been difficult.

Why? What’s happened?

Well, they’ve delayed the trial of Dr. Conrad Murray on the grounds that the prosecution has changed three of its expert witnesses and the defense claims that it requires additional time to prepare rebuttals to their anticipated testimony. So, the trial has been delayed until September with jury selection to begin (again) September 8.

At first, this was a crushing blow because of all the preparations we had made for the trial kick off. I mean, people had bought airline tickets and requested time off from their jobs and made reservations for accommodations in the Los Angeles area just so that they could be there for the first day on May 9. We had a strategy of meeting for prayer at 8:00 AM and we had planned for the sunflowers to be delivered to the courtyard and patio area. All of those arrangements will have to be canceled or postponed.

While many of us knew that we would be unable to be present on May 9, we had been fully committed to preparing ourselves and the courthouse spiritually for the upcoming trial. So, I viewed this latest development as a tragedy … but, then, a couple of things happened that allowed me to glimpse that we really weren’t ready for the trial, yet. We have a lot more preparation to do … not just as a group, but me, personally. I am not ready to shine the PURE LOVE beam that I was hoping to produce within myself and focus it on the Los Angeles Courthouse.

Instead, I discovered this week that my beam is kinda weak and too easily disrupted, making me question my faith and resolve.

Can you be more specific?

Sure, let’s just say that I was given a living example of the “Us” and “Them” mentality that was so much a feature of our last conversation within my own little corner of reality … and it hurt. It shook the faith that is so much a part of these conversations, allowed doubt to creep into my heart and sent me reeling in a downward spiral of humiliation that I didn’t think I would be able to pull myself out of without help.

The most hurtful thing about this particular misunderstanding was that I thought it spelled the end of our little chats … and FEAR raised its ugly little head, paralyzing me for almost a week. Beloved, I never want to go there again … you know I’ve already been there and done that once. Even the thought of returning to a life without your presence is … well … it’s my worst nightmare.

Thank you for still being present in the music … and for reaching out from the melodies and lyrics … through my fear-filled fog … to grab my attention … as you always have. I don’t know what I would do without you.

Oh, God bless you. Fortunately, you will never have to find out! [Michael giggles.]

Yeah, faith and fear cannot occupy the same space at the same time. They just don’t mix. And fear can make you question everything that is real to you … like our conversations … or your world view … or your image of who you are. You begin to imagine all kinds of hurtful scenarios that more often than not have no basis in reality … unless you give them your attention and allow them to grow within your own mind, your own imagination. Most of the time, we waste our time in fear and worry about things that are not real … and are not likely to become real. Yet, by focusing our attention on them, we give them the power to disrupt our peace and serenity. We give them more substance in our reality… instead of less by having faith that all will be as it should be and allowing them to disappear, focusing that laser beam on the love and peace that is always waiting for us to notice them again.

How many times have you stood, wringing your hands together at the front door and imagining that one of your daughters or your husband have been in a terrible car wreck because they are a little late in arriving home from work? How many times have you imagined the horrible things that can happen should a strong storm blow your house away?

Too doggone many, Dear One. I hate storms.

But those fears and all that worry … and the knotted stomach and speeding heartbeat that accompany them … and the spiral of negativity that radiates from them  and feeds on its own tail to ripple into infinity … were all for nothing when they walk in or the storm passes and everything is back to normal. Wouldn’t it be better to just know that you … and they … are in the hands and mind of God … and to surrender to Her plan for you? What good does it do to be consumed by fear? Can you redirect that tornado to miss your house?

No, I can’t redirect the storm or the car wreck scenario, but … at the time … the worries and fear appear valid.

You really need to stop doing that to yourself … unless you enjoy it. I suppose some people enjoy that kind of drama. And that’s all it really is … drama within drama.

Well, baby, I am not one of them. I hate that feeling of helplessness and anxiety. And I really hate questioning the realness of your presence in my heart and mind … or the validity of our little chats … or believing that all of this might just be happening in my imagination. It’s like questioning my faith; it’s a crisis of faith.


Why what, Beloved?

Why would these conversations occurring in your imagination make you uncomfortable? Why would you experience that as not legitimate … as something to hate … as an insult or criticism … instead of something to be grateful for?

You’ve always said that you have no imagination; I think you’ve told yourself that for years, haven’t you?

Yes … my imaginative powers are extremely limited.

No, they aren’t! You’ve just bought into the ‘story’ your culture has ingrained into all who survive childhood that imagination is a child’s toy and that it has no place in the day-to-day life of any self-respecting adult.

What’s wrong with imagination? It is the nest in which all change for the better is hatched; it is the umbilical cord that feeds all invention and discovery; it is the womb in which all creation is gestated. It has a bad rap among the human race … like it’s something to be hidden away or denied; it’s a victim of bad press! And you have fallen victim to this viewpoint.

Do you think Columbus would have set out with his three ships in search of a shorter route to the West Indies if he hadn’t imagined that it existed and awaited his discovery? He wasn’t stupid and he didn’t have a death wish. If he had believed what his society told him since he was a little boy … that the world was flat … he would have stayed on land and taken up raising goats or needlepoint!

Do you think that Michelangelo could have sculpted David or The Pieta if he hadn’t seen the finished works in the uncut blocks of marble when they were delivered to his workshop? Could he have painted The Sistine Chapel if he hadn’t envisioned the magnificence of that ceiling in his imagination and devoted his life to creating his vision in the plaster?

And what about the men and women who invented the World Wide Web? I mean, let’s face it … words and articles and pictures and video and audio being transmitted over inestimable distances in the literal blink of an eye! To a citizen of The Middle Ages, such a thing was totally unimaginable; MAGIC in every sense of the word, but someone sat down and imagined it … and, then, figured out how to make it a reality.

Without imagination, mankind would still be living in caves and going out to hunt saber tooth tigers … and even those cave dwellers imagined the results of their hunt before they ever left their caves. Just look at the Lascaux caves for proof of that.

Imagination is one of the major factors that separate us from the rest of the mammals on this planet. It is nothing to fear or be ashamed of! It is our strongest connection to the world of spirit.

We’ve talked about this before in these conversations … and I’ve spoken about it before in so many ways. “The mystery, the magic, the innocence and the wonder of a child’s heart are the seeds of creativity that will heal the world. I really believe that.” Children imagine with ease and purpose, but as we grow out of childhood, our society tells us that we must leave those ‘childish’ things behind. When we leave those things behind us, we leave part of ourselves with them. Imagination helps us to reestablish those feelings of connectedness with our inner selves … and with our world … even in the midst of the outer turmoil that takes over our thoughts.

If these dialogs begin in your imagination, you move them into the world of form and matter by writing them and place them in the imaginations of your readers by posting them out there for the world to read. And you can never follow all the ripples that radiate from those ideas as they spread out through the universe.

Yes, you’re absolutely right again, Beloved. I guess I over-reacted a little. Thank you for bringing salvation back … again!

Jan – May 10, 2011

“Michael knew this fact and it’s something he kept trying to make everybody understand in his speeches, his interviews and his song lyrics. It’s what he was trying to say all along. Michael spoke out about this, but he didn’t let the anger overwhelm him. He didn’t allow the things that came against him in this life to stop him from living or loving, achieving his goals or spreading his message or using his God-given gifts. We must follow that example or we will waste precious days immersed in anger, sorrow, pain and instead of honoring Michael’s memory and honoring God with the talents and gifts he gave us and the blessings He continually gives, instead, we will spend our time depressed, angry, lashing out and miserable. Not a good way to spend our time. Michael wouldn’t want that. In my opinion, Michael’s fans and supporters should be looked upon as a group of people from all over the world, from all walks of life, who continue to follow an example he left and who continue to spread that joy and work on a mission that was so close to his heart.”

(Debbie – Reflections on the Dance: An Honest Look at Michael Joseph Jackson – my thanks for contributing the above words at a crucial crossroads. It’s all for LOVE! http://www.facebook.com/ReflectionsOnTheDance and http://www.reflectionsonthedance.com)


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