Soul's Embrace

Soul’s Embrace

Soul’s Embrace

My heart flies to you to rest upon your breast.

Fleeter than a hummingbird, softer than a dandelion tuft

Yet more sure in flight than a heat seeking missile

I bond with you more tenaciously than a babe at its mother’s breast.

Though my eyes wander, my heart never strays

For you are the milk of my becoming

The marrow from which my platelets are born.

Your song is the beat that pumps my heart

The sighs in my silences are filled with your music

Within your eyes I find a world of vision

Your fragrance inhabits my every breath.

When fear or uncetainty threaten, I run

To crush myself against your breast

And you paint me in vibrant hues

As just another part of you

Only in our Soul’s Embrace am I content

We wander, hand-in-hand

Through heavenly fields of wildflowers

Where desolate, cold winds of winters of separation are forgotten

Resolved in everlasting blossomings of remembrance.

Angry, gray clouds transform into riotous exuberant color

To delight all our senses in waves of splendor

Assaulting the battlements of self-protection

With the battering rams of joy and discovery.

As I discover you

I discover me

There is only WE

And I rest in our Soul’s Embrace.



Installment 93

April 15, 2015

Beloved, I know that we have discussed the topic of dreams several times before, but there has been a kinda new wrinkle in this topic for me and I wanted to tell you about it, although I assume you already know. Do you mind terribly if we talk about dreams?

No, not at all. Why … have you been dreaming? [I get a visual image of Michael rocking back and forth on his  heels with his hands behind his back, whistling innocently.]

I knew you already knew about it. Don’t give me that innocent act. Yes, I have had two REAL dreams … both of which involved all my senses visual, auditory, tactile, olfactory. These were real honest-to-goodness dreams … in as many weeks. My regular readers are aware that dreaming is a rather unusual experience for me and they are aware of some of the reasons I have been unable to dream for a major portion of my life. They are also aware that we have been working on this lack since before the trial of Conrad Murray, beginning with visualizing the outcome of the trial working out for everyone’s highest and greatest good and progressing with my afternoon visits to Neverland.

I have had a couple of experiences that I thought were kinda ‘dream-ish,’ but on those occasions, in discussing them with you, we determined that they were visitations and premonitions of immersion in the Oneness from which we all are born into this physical realm of separation and while both were awesome, they did not involve seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling in a physical sense.

Yes, I remember … and what did we say about that?

You told me that labeling these experiences is really irrelevant, that our minds analyze these occurrences in order to evaluate them … or place a value on them … or determine their validity or invalidity, but the heart and soul seeks only to experience them and take joy in them.

Exactly. The value of the experience (by the external world’s measures) is minimal, at best. Regardless of the label you apply … out of body experience, astral travel, creative visualization, dream or *only* imagination … the logical world ignores the experience (and experiencer), at best … or ridicules the experience (and experiencer), at worst. 

Only you can determine the experience’s value to you and assign it validity. In order to do this, you need to experience it fully and openly, with no fear and no preconceived definitions … innocently like a child … and in doing this you can fully appreciate it in joy. Then, resist the mind’s temptation to analyze, dissect, assign value, explain, define, label, stereotype and all the other ways we attempt to dismiss our soul’s promptings. We are very, very good at this.

The only questions that have any relevance in relation to these unexplainable occurrences is: Were you in JOY when you were in the experience? Did that JOY carry over into your physical life? If the answer to both of these questions is, “Yes,” then that is the value of the experience. And let me be absolutely clear about this … there is no greater value in the world than this! This is why we are here to begin with, to experience ourselves as joyful, worthy, fun-loving, playful, beautiful children at play in our sandbox.

So, do you want to tell me about your dreams?

Yes, I would love to. The first one occurred about two weeks ago and I wrote a full account of it in my journal the following day. Not only did I dream, but I remembered the dream in a lot of detail, which, again, is not something to which I am accustomed.

I was hiding in the shadows during the filming of the ‘panther coda’ of the Black or White short film (and it is an interesting sideline that photographs of the panther coda have been posted a LOT since I had this dream). There were a lot of people around … a lot of talking and laughing … everyone was having fun … equipment was being moved from place to place … cameras were whirring … and you were there … very visible (and beautiful, I might add at the risk of embarrassing you.) You were dressed in the black pants, black shirt, white t-shirt, armband, taped fingers, black fedora, locks of hair over your right eye swaying with your movements. There was a very loud fan somewhere, blowing on you to ruffle your shirts … just like in the film. The playback was LOUD and so clear (no transistor radio with one earplug here … we are talking full scale recording studio) … really, really, awesome surround sound system … and I could feel that beat pulsing in my legs and spine. I was hiding so that no one could see me because I was fearful of getting kicked off the set. I just wanted to be near you, so I didn’t want to be discovered, least of all, by you because I was afraid you would be angry with me for invading your filming.

[Michael laughs.] There were always people around during filming. Sometimes, Elizabeth was there. Gregory Peck visited on occasion. Mac’s folks and brother. You shouldn’t have been afraid.

Nevertheless, I was scared to death that you would discover me and have me removed. So, I didn’t move or breathe, hardly … hanging back in the shadows behind all the cameras and speakers and cables running along the floor to power all that equipment. I was kinda afraid to move because those cables were thick and heavy and I was afraid I would trip on one and my jig would be up.

You ran through the entire sequence after which there was a break while the cameras and playback were prepared for another take and you were feeling kinda uncomfortable, I thought, just standing there while all this activity was happening all around you. So, I thought quietly, “Relax, Baby, you are beautiful,” just like I did that February night in 1997 at Elizabeth’s Birthday Gala in support of her AMFAR Foundation. (I remember on that occasion how fidgety you were just sitting there in full view of the audience as they trickled in to find their seats. But after I thought, “Relax, Baby, you are beautiful,” you seemed to relax and sit back against the chair and I wondered, “Did he hear me?”)

Just then, you started looking around to find the source of the thought (or at least that was my interpretation … that you heard or felt my love and encouragement on some level) and you saw me standing there in the shadows.

“Oh, my God, he heard me! Did I say that out loud? Oh, no,” I thought, “he’s seen me. That’s it! I’m dead!”

What? That I was going to have you shot or something? I told you before about my sensitivity to thought and emotional energy. Didn’t you believe me?

No … not shot … just surrounded with maybe six of your beefy bodyguards and carried off, kicking and screaming, no doubt. Of course, I believed you, but it’s one thing to believe something like that and a totally other thing to experience it … to think a thought and have someone look around for the source of that thought is a bit unnerving.

Your thought is energy; your thought of L.O.V.E. is the most powerful and creative energy there is. Nothing can stop it, overtake it, slow it down, cast a shadow on it. It is Invincible. That thought of L.O.V.E. can change the world, as you discovered with our visualizations in the past and as you and your friends are discovering with your new initiative.

Anyway, you started walking toward where I was hiding and I froze. I wanted to run deeper into the shadows or find an escape route, but I was literally frozen in place. I could not move. It was that walk … the slow steps with your hands hovering at your hips and swaying from side to side with every step … usually accompanied by cocky, fluid neck rolls … even your fingers become animated during that walk. Darn thing is a dance all by itself!

[Michael chuckles.]

The thing is none of the other people involved in the filming noticed you walking towards me. How could anyone NOT notice that walk? I mean, it’s classic and breathtaking, frighteningly beautiful! But no one else seemed to notice you walking towards me and, more importantly, they didn’t seem to be able to see me. As you took every step, my heart rose higher and higher in my chest and throat. I was absolutely petrified. However, you didn’t look angry. Your eyes were kind and full of love and curiosity and fully focused on mine, baring me to my soul … and there was a little smile on your lips. My eyes were locked on yours. Your walk seemed to take FOREVER … every step was unconscious grace and determined purpose and you seemed able to avoid tripping hazards from the cables without even being aware of it. It seemed like I was holding my breath, savoring each and every movement of your feet and legs, your hands and fingers, even the way your shirt was blown by the fan.

Oh my, I can still feel it as I am describing it to you, my Anam Cara! Have I told you lately how much I love you and how grateful I am for your presence in my life?

No, but I think I get the drift. After all, you spend every waking moment … and some sleeping moments, apparently … writing to me, writing about me, writing with me, drawing me, painting me. Honestly! You are obsessed! And I am just as obsessed with you. I always love you more.

Anyway, at the end of eternity you reached me and my world turned first black as your shirt came closer and closer … and then white as you gathered me to your chest and your t-shirt completely filled my field of vision. You raised your arms to me, but I still couldn’t move so you closed the gap between us while my heart beat fast enough to choke me. You held me so tenderly. I saw your t-shirt, felt the softness of the Egyptian cotton. I saw little beads of sweat on your neck. I wanted to BE those little beads of sweat! [Michael laughs again.] I smelled your cologne. I felt the firmness, yet gentleness, of your hand as your fingers entwined in the hair at the back of my head, the beat of your heart. I went from petrified to absolute bliss in the space of a heartbeat. All I wanted was to stay there wrapped in your arms forever and ever.

When you released me, you stood staring down into my eyes and your love communicated itself to me as you lifted my chin with your index finger and moved forward to kiss me. Just as our lips were about to touch, I woke up! It was 3:00 AM and I used the restroom and then returned to bed, begging to continue the dream where I had left off … but no such luck. However, the next morning on the way to somewhere with my husband in the car, I remembered this dream in full detail and determined to write it all out in my journal so that I didn’t lose any part of it. The sights, the sounds, the clarity of the playback, your appearance, your tenderness, my fear and my joy are precious to me and not only because this represents the first REAL dream I’ve had in a very, very long time. This is the first Michael dream I’ve ever had.

Do you remember when I told you we would be working on this and that your dreams would return as we progressed?

Yes, I do, Beloved One, very clearly. And that is one of the first thoughts I had upon recalling the dream the following day. “He said we would be working on it together … and here we are.” I do know that I was beginning to give up hope. I mean our original conversation about this topic happened a fairly long time ago … three years, I think … and I was beginning to feel that I was just a person who could not dream.

What’s your hurry? Where’s the fire? You’re right … you have absolutely NO patience. Your world has told you that you need to accomplish daily so when you sit and contemplate your satisfaction with your new art studio, you feel that you haven’t accomplished … and you feel guilty. You have, you know. You’ve accomplished satisfaction and a sense of peace and belonging and total appreciation.

You didn’t put those dream blocks in place  and cement them in securely, I might add, in a day or a week or a month. It took years to become so firmly entranched in … and invested in … being a non-dreamer. It makes perfect sense that they will not dissolve in a day or a week or a month. Just as the Berlin Wall took years to be dismantled, your dream blockers will take a while to become dislodged. [Michael chuckles.]

But can you exlain how this is happening?

Noooo! [Michael laughs out loud.] And there ya go trying to dissect and analyze, again. It doesn’t matter how it is happening. What matters is that IT IS HAPPENING (as I told you it would.) 

I think there are a lot of factors involved in the mechanics of the thing and they are all equally important or equally not important.

If you’ll recall, we started out slowly with visualizations intended to envelope the courthouse in love, but, at the same time, we were also releasing your resentments against Conrad and giving you some peace of mind, returning you to a more positive, less fearful perspective. Which of those two is the important factor? Or are they equally important? 

At the time, you didn’t think you would ever get to the point where visualizing was comfortable and natural for you, but you did. You even employed the very same technique on your own when you cleaned up your art studio … naturally. 

Then, we visualized with the Come Together Initiative … and The Library at Neverland … and Neverland Power Naps during which we discussed so many of the issues that had been holding you back from fully experiencing yourself as the beautiful child you really are, while at the same time, again, releasing resentments and clearing negative outlooks to free you from those burdens so many of us carry around with us for years. Which of those factors is the important one? Or do they go hand-in-hand? Is one more beneficial than the other? Is one possible without the other?

Break of Dawn

Break of Dawn

During this same time frame, you were drawing me and finding joy in your progress and keeping your outlook positive and joyful and your attitude playful. You called it ‘playing around’ and ‘fiddling’ and feeling guilty because you weren’t accomplishing anything. What did I tell you about that? 

That I was developing a new skill set and learning as I was playing. You told me that each drawing or painting was a Conversation … a union … a sacrament that we shared. You told me that you played around all the time in the dance studio and that was how you had become who you are … by playing.

Exactly. In this way, you were becoming re-acquainted with your Inner Child, the one the world had taught you to leave behind so very long ago. You were re-discovering those parts of you that you had lost along the way, just as I did. And because you were ‘in JOY’ while doing all this ‘playing around,’ you had managed to release so many of the resentments and angers and frustrations and ‘poor, poor pitiful me’ feelings that you carried around with you all the time. I mean major things happened during this period of ‘playing around’ that almost totally passed you by. Sneddon died, for heaven’s sake … and you almost didn’t notice. You just let all the anger and frustration and hatred and resentment you held against him go. You just let them go. You didn’t fight against them or push against them or set up wars against them. They just became irrelevant … unimportant … no longer needed.

You discovered that you are not your story … that you are so much more than your story. And that you are given the opportunity to rewrite your story every single moment of every single day.

Did you have any kind of intution about this dream as you remembered it?

Yes, I did. This dream seemed to follow a pattern of waking ‘visions’ that I had had through the years in that I was an observer … a witness … rather than a participator in the action. I seemed to be there to support you … to give you strength and encouragement … to love you through these events. These visions began in 1993 and we have talked about it a lot in previous conversations. For those unfamiliar, I saw you in Bangkok, Thailand, pacing the floor of your hotel room as the story of the first set of allegations broke in the world’s press. I saw your pain, felt your heartbreak … and my heart went out to you to comfort you. I sent my love in prayers and in a seven-word telegram.

The second happened in November 2013 during a meditation while I was laid up with a respiratory infection and ‘playing around’ with some of the concepts featured in the books I was reading (like time being flexible and virtual reality). I saw you in the early morning hours during the trial in 2005. Karen and Bush had arrived to help you prepare for the grueling day ahead and you had fallen to the floor in major distress, repeating, “I can’t do this. I can’t do this.” You all knelt in the guest cottage at Neverland … and I joined you on the floor holding you close … to pray that you would have the strength to show up with dignity. I joined you in those prayers and held you in love. Afterwards, I wrote an essay entitled “In Service to the King” about this vision.

The third occurred during another meditation at around the same time. I was in the room during the photo session at Neverland in 1993, my eyes locked on yours through the entirety of the vision and beaming you love, repeating over and over, “You are not humiliated. You are beautiful and strong and innocent. It is they who humiliate themselves with their callous disregard for your humanity.” I don’t believe I ever wrote about that vision but it, like all the others, was very real. Although terribly distressing, I was and am grateful and honored to have been there to witness and lift you up through a few of the horrors you experienced among us.

In all of these occurrences, it appeared to me that I was there as a witness to lend you strength and to hold you in love. This dream seems to be a continuation of the series of visions. I remember the flap over the ‘panther coda’ so clearly and the misrepresentation you endured and, once again, my role seems to be as a witness and, in this case, to give you my love firsthand, in a way. I feel so blessed and honored to have been a witness to these events.

Yes, I see. These were moments when I drew on your love (all of you) to help me cope and survive the trauma to my soul. That’s an interesting interpretation to put on them. 

Do you remember your first monthly prayer vigil on my behalf?

Yes, indeed, very clearly. It was June of 2010, I think. I had cut out little slips of paper on which I had written brief summaries of events that had, in my opinion, caused your soul trauma and anguish. I tried to meditate or pray for about 20 minutes on those events and then, I burned the slip of paper I had chosen that day for my vigil. It was my attempt to validate you and help heal those wounds.

Yes. Do you think these events were represented in those intentions and slips of paper?

I’d be very, very surprised if they weren’t, Michael. Wow! That’s a connection I hadn’t made.

Star Secret Friend

Star Secret Friend

That is very, very interesting. You asked to be allowed to be with me with your love … to have me be aware somehow that your love was present to help me heal these wounds in your prayer vigil. And one by one these events are being shown to you because you are open and available to them. It doesn’t matter HOW it is occurring. The fact is that it IS occurring and you are witnessing how the love energy of all of you was sensed by the physical as well as the non-physical Michael Jackson. “Fascinating,” as Spock would say.

That is an amazing connection that I had never, ever imagined. Thank you, Beloved … food for thought!

Now, you said you had two dreams. Do you want to tell me about the second?

Absolutely! This one was not as detailed, but it was still visual and auditory … and it happened just last night (April 15, 2015). I was, apparently, looking at houses, for some reason. I say it that way because I have always sworn that I would never move again. My intention is to die in this house and let my kids clean it up … hehehe … serves them right. I truly abhor moving; nonetheless I was looking at houses.

Anyway, the house I was looking at in this dream was your house on the grounds of Neverland in which you kept all your awards and all the gifts from the fans that you collected throughout the years of your career. It was like a 3-bedroom, single story house … and it was just packed to the gills … in every room … every nook and cranny and closet … with STUFF! Your awards hung all over the walls and were scattered on tables and shelves throughout the space and there were boxes of gifts, cards, letters, photographs, drawings, paintings, scrapbooks, stuffed animals everywhere (under tables, in closets, lining the floors, on shelves). And there were little paths like forest trails leading from one room to the other to protect these items that you had saved up for all the years of your career. Baskets, bins, boxes, shelves, tables, walls teaming with STUFF! There were Michael Jackson marionettes hanging from tall shelving units by their crossbars and strings (at least one in your Billie Jean outfit, like mine … I know where that one came from). There were mannequins standing at the windows in police uniforms.

[Michael laughs.] I had some of those!

I know! I could hear soft music playing from outside as I tried to make my way through the paths that had been laid out through all the boxes. And I was able to reach out and explore individual items (like an antique shopping expedition with my husband). It was awesome to witness all the love that was housed in that building! I felt the care that went into the crafting of some of those items when I would hold them in my hands; the energy of that would wash over me when I touched them. I recalled the time and effort so many of your fans would put into the gifts to please you and your joy in discovering that and holding it in your hands.

See? Thought energy … L.O.V.E energy! There’s nothing like it. All you have to do is be open to it and it will rush through you like a tidal wave.

You were not present physically in this dream, but the feeling was that I had been invited, that you welcomed my presence and exploration, and that you could walk through the door at any moment. So, the emotions were joy to be allowed to see this, excitement, a feeling of being a very special guest (because I know that you did not show this house to just anybody) and anticipation of your arrival. It was not a long dream, but any dream to me is a special occasion. This one is no exception.

And, again, did you have any kind of intuition about this dream?

Yes, like the dream and visions before, it seemed that I was there to witness and to re-affirm in my own mind your words about L.O.V.E. being an energy that we can manipulate in prayer or meditation, in art or in writing, in song or in dance or just by living artfully and with mindfulness.

Good. Always pay attention to what your intuition tells you about these events. Often, if you are aware of your intuition, you can save yourself a lot of time and energy in analysis, dissection, and applying labels and values to them. Your heart knows their value to you; no other is relevant.

God bless you. I love you.

I love you M.O.R.E.


Moon Whisperer


Moon Whisperer

In radiant beams,
Your gaze captures me
Its silvery streams cascade gently
Presiding benignly over the star-studded, comforting blanket of night
Whether your full, round face or the tiniest silver crescent
You captivate
Your gravitational pull sets the tides of my blood’s ebb and flow
And swings the metronome of my heart in rapid synchopated rhythms
Hovering over trees or snowy fields,
Shyly peeking from behind forested hilltops,
Playing hide and seek behind billowing clouds, or
Confidently floating motionless in an endless ocean
You call to me in silent breaths,
Whisper your mysteries in songs of captivating allure
Undulating sinuously in the reflections of my heart

I cannot escape you
Nor would even try
For your voice is my harp and your heartbeat my tamborine
Whether your mood sets a thrilling cadence
Or a sleepy lullaby
I close my eyes
I spin wildly
Held together only by the centrifugal force of your love
A dervish enslaved in the twirl of motion that hides only silence
My skirts rustle around me
Gaily colored and striped
Tiny parasols spun between your fingers
Optical illusions that evoke only gentle laughter

Oh, empty me of my stories,
Ancient One
The ones I’ve told myself for lifetimes
Those I’ve been frightened by but cling to so tenaciously
Fearsome tales populated by monstrous lies of unworthiness
Ogres of lack
That jump out at me from beneath the bed of my resistance
In your soft glow
Shine the light of your life
Into all the dark hiding places and corners
Illuminate them with your unquenchable brilliance
And in your presence

Empty me of my pride, my hubris
And fill the gaping spaces with your humility
Content in your purity to reflect God’s radiant love
Heal my discontent
And shine in me as She shines in you
With the soft astringent of your smile
Wipe clean the streaks of my ego which distort the image of your incomparable grace

I so long to be your vessel
Fill me, Beloved
With your vast beauty
Spray the perfume of your compassion to cover the stench of my apathy
Color my dullness with the bright hues of awareness,
The piercing sharpness of your wit
Paint me with the brush of your healing love
A love that perceives only beauty in all that it surveys
Only love
As far as the heart can reach
Erase the me who no longer sees illusions of imperfection,
Self-righteous judgments that judge only self-righteousness
Marring the incandescent landscape of her mind

Implant in her place
Your vision
One planet
One world
One people
One race
One religion

A world no longer embroiled in strife or fascinated with dangerous toys
A world with more than enough for all
For every girl
For every boy
A world where each is honored irrespective of status
The beauty of difference recognized,
A world where all are given a place
Not to hoard or barricade against the dark in fear
But to share in open welcome in the light of truth
A world where every voice is heard
Even the most timid
Whose whispers speak only truth
And in whose face lies and distortion
Find not the smallest crevice in which to hide their shame
A world where no more is taken than is given
And what is taken is taken in grateful submission and humility

Oh, Moon Whisperer
Whisper to me of love
Only love
Let me take up the task you left undone
Let me bring the awareness
That at long last
We are ONE


Installment #92

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Good morning, Beloved. Today marks 68 months since “the day the Earth stood still” – (sixty-eight) !!! That’s a long time, but it seems like only yesterday. So much has happened in my life in those months for which you have been the catalyst that it’s hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that you are gone.

That’s good … because I’m not.

I know … I know. I mean physically. You are still very, very real to me and to so many of your children, but we can’t turn on our television sets and watch you, caught by the ever-present cameras during one of your many visits to other countries … or performing at the Grammy’s … or the Oscars.

Yes, you can … just slap in a DVD and I am right there in your own home. Slip in a disc and I am right there, whispering in your ears that

I am forever
We are forever

Yes, that’s true and I am so grateful that I have so much of you in so many different formats. We are, indeed, blessed to live in an age in which our technology affords us so many avenues of recharging our batteries with your energy. As I have stated before in these Conversations, you are the gift that just keeps on giving and giving. We have books in electronic and physical format, You Tube videos of your performances from all over the world, your own short films, and I have videotapes that I made from your interviews and performances and travels back in the 1990s that I have preserved in DVD format.

See? I am just as present now as I ever was and as we’ve discussed before in these dialogs, I poured my heart and soul into all that I did. It resides there … always. It lives there … and it cannot die or be taken from you. You are always welcome; the door is always open for you. That “energy” that you refer to is in every project I undertook; it had to be there or I wouldn’t have released it, performed it, sang it. 

Let nothing be a “take” unless
I am extremely satisfied with it …
unless I felt it in my soul.

[Handwritten note regarding BAD short film BAD 25 Documentary]

That held true with everything I did, not just the BAD short film … everything … all the songs and films and performances … even the creation of Neverland Valley Ranch contained that same devotion … that same “energy.” Just as every shot was my shot in the filming of my short films and performances … every scene and vista was my scene and vista at Neverland. The same principle applied across the board. I tried to make sure it was there in everything. That’s why I insisted on editorial control in all my projects and interviews. 

And that “energy” continues to touch hearts and inspire people all over the world, Beloved. Books are being released on an almost daily basis by your children who continue to be inspired by it; blogs are written daily by those who are dedicated to your messages of healing and compassion. The Michael Effect continues to engulf and envelop the world and I, for one, am so grateful to have been swept up in those ripples. Charitable outreach in your name and memory continues unabated, with children’s homes and preschools being built and equipped in Liberia and Haiti, fundraising efforts are underway for a children’s hospital in Gary, Indiana and books are being donated to the school system in your hometown to supply the first and fourth grade classes with age-appropriate reading materials that focus on your life, your legacy and your messages of love and unity. Other groups are devoted to reforesting blighted areas of the rainforest; musical tributes and documentaries continue to be produced. It’s getting hard to keep up with everything that is happening on a global scale. There is at least one book out there that I have to order and I understand your friend, Spike Lee, is producing another documentary, this time focusing on Off the Wall and the recording sessions for that album. Motown 25: Yesterday, Today and Forever is scheduled for national telecast on Public Television on February 28 and your landmark reunion with your brothers and your solo performance of Billie Jean will be viewed by an entirely new generation of music lovers 32 years after it was taped in Pasadena, California.

Please know that I am so aware of all that you are all doing in my name … and I am so grateful to all of you for your love. I love you all so much MORE than you can possibly know. I am so much more able to touch your hearts and minds and in-spirit you now than I was when I was living the physical side of my life. And my devotion to embedding my heart and soul into all of you is just as strong now as it was during the recording sessions for my albums or the performance rehearsals for my tours … even stronger … because I can feel your excitement as a new idea overtakes you … and as you move forward to implement it and get it off the ground. 

Now, I’ve got a mission
The story unfolds
What the wise man had told you
Is already known
That a woman and man
Should go by the plan
And we’ll find out how high we can fly.

For you, personally, I can feel your curiosity when you ask yourself, “What if I tried this …” or “I wonder if this would work?” in the development your art and as you attempt to make that idea real; I participate in your sense of discovery and your excitement over the finished piece. I can encourage you to “try it” and “see what happens” and as you progress, I can be right there, see it through your eyes, feel it through your emotions. If it doesn’t work, we can collaborate on what to do to fix it … just like we do in these Conversations. You call it “fidding with it” and “playing around;”  I call it “refining it” and “fine tuning it” until it feels like what you want to say or expresses the idea that you wanted to convey. I love your openness and willingness to try, the innocence you bring to the drawing board. When you get discouraged, I can whisper, “Let it sit for a while. Come back to it with fresh eyes and, then, fiddle with it some more. Play with it! Have fun!”



You talk to me about the ideas and inspirations that come to you … in your mind … or in your journal … or here, in these Conversations. You had an idea just this past week that we discussed in that way, didn’t you?

Yes, I did.

And we talked about it. I encouraged you to go for it. You got together and talked with your friends and implemented the idea very quickly … with little nudges from me along with way. 

Baby, seriously … you call those little nudges?

[Michael chuckles.]  Subtle, ain’t I? 

Okay, for my readers, as I was talking to Michael about the concept while preparing to go to sleep, Earth Song played on my MJ3 player, which would not be a terribly uncommon occurrence. What was a bit curious was that it played … not once but twice … consecutively … one right after the other … and the player was not set on repeat. Now, there are over 750 songs on my player and it was set on shuffle, as it always is. How does that happen? In that same late night session, Earth Song was followed by Cry which was followed by We Can Change the World. At that point, I turned the player off with the thought, “Okay, Baby, I think I got it!” The next morning, as I logged into my customary social network site, the first thing that I saw was a post from a friend that had the general concept of “changing the world.” And in the middle of discussing the concept with one of my friends in one of the participating groups, Wanna Be Startin Somethin started on her player.

[Michael laughs out loud.] Okay, now you’re just embarrassing me. I admit, subtlety was never my strong suit. I think you should put the description of that idea here. Will you do that?

Of course, Beloved.

Change the World Initiative

March marks the four year anniversary of Call for Love. Happy Anniversary, Call for Lovers.

As many of you know, Call for Love was founded in March 2011 as a response to Conversations – Installment #20 (March 19-March 26, 2011) during which Michael introduced us all to creating and sustaining an atmosphere of L.O.V.E. during the trial of Conrad Murray by visualizing the courtroom in Los Angeles swept clean of all negative emotions and deceit and surrounded with our love. All of us responded on that occasion with purpose and resolve; many of the members of Call for Love were committed to daily meditation/prayer/visualizations based on filling the courtroom with love and light not conditional on any particular outcome, but trusting that the judge, jurors and legal representatives would be fair, impartial and weigh all the evidence presented with care and respect. On the first day of the trial, we were there on the ground with sunflowers to hand out to all who wanted them in memory of our Beloved (yes, even a few media representatives sported the flowers on their cameras and at least one family member carried a flower into the courtroom.)

Again, in April of 2012, Call for Love members signed on to the Come Together Over Michael campaign in response to Installment #56 (April 21-April 28, 2012) during which we meditated or prayed or visualized key issues that needed to be addressed to, in Michael’s words,

Heal the world; make it a better place for you and for me and the entire human race.”

While many of us have continued our daily meditations, prayers and/or visualizations, some of us have found ourselves embroiled in a lack of focus, a sense of overwhelm in our daily lives, frustration with the monumental task of re-imagining our world in a higher frequency vibration or a feeling of defeat because we don’t see immediate results.

All of the books I have been reading lately use different terminology but all state firmly that this planet and its inhabitants are in a period of transition towards a more spiritual, less ego and fear- based reality. Signs abound in the positions of celestial bodies, vibrational frequencies, lunar eclipses, channeled messages, scientific discoveries and all manner of other symbols, not the least of which are all of us from around the world gathered together by one man for a purpose.

“You are my messengers to heal the world … and because I love you.” 

There is an explosion of art, books, music being released in honor of this one man’s Call for Love. We have all been awakened to an expanded sense of self in his music … in his words … and in this expanded sense of self we have recognized the catalyst … Michael Jackson.

While they all use different terms, all these books point to the same reality. This is a critical time for Planet Earth. One of the books I have recently finished (The Secret of Shambhala by James Redfield) suggests that the Utopian, spiritually-enlightened culture of Shangri-La (Shambhala) has established “seed groups” planted at strategic spots all over the globe to focus their intentions and extend their “prayer fields” to cover key issues that are of paramount importance in moving humankind over the speed bumps of selfish, ego and fear-based reactions, greed and acquisition of personal power.

When I read that, I had to stop and breathe for a moment.  I recognized that we already have those seed groups … actually … WE ARE THOSE SEED GROUPS!

We are located all over the world, from South Africa to Belgium … from the United States to the United Kingdom … from Europe to Russia to South America to Asia to Canada and every place in between. We represent all different cultures, religious affiliations, ages and demographics and we come together here in Call for Love and her sister groups (Dancing the Divine, Michael’s Circle of Love, Major Love Prayer) for mutual support. We pray for each other when the need arises and we pray for topics as they arise for our attention.

There are key issues that impact all of us in all of our countries and provinces. Examples:

The United States will soon be electing a new president. While I do not follow politics closely, I am in turmoil because I can’t vote for Barack Obama again. (I would if I could, but he’s not allowed another term by constitutional law.) I don’t look forward to trying to choose “the lesser of two evils” again; that’s no way to choose a leader. The direction of this country for the next four years, at least, hangs in the balance. And, often, where the U.S. goes the world goes.

The youth culture of violence (in all its guises such as bullying) is epidemic and is spreading from industrialized countries to those on the fringes of industrialization. This is a key issue the world over and one which was near and dear to our Beloved’s heart (See the text of the Oxford Speech).

The list could go on and on and never end. I am sure that each of us in all our different countries can contribute issues that require our commitment to uphold them in the light of L.O.V.E.

“We need to remind the world that Love is important … L.O.V.E.”

In light of all of the above, representatives from all of the like-minded groups (ie Call for Love, Dancing the Divine, Michael’s Circle of Love and Major Love Prayer) are beginning a joint “Change the World” initiative to begin Monday, February 23, 2015 and continuing indefintely to refocus and redirect our daily prayer/ meditation/visualization intentions to uplifting our world and its policy makers in the coming months.

In recognition that we are all spiritual beings involved in individual human experiences, the purpose of this initiative is to appeal to the spiritual, “higher” selves of our policy makers, youth leaders, religious leaders, media representatives and educators … to hold them in the light of love and compassion, allowing them to view the world from a more humane, less ego and fear-based perspective.

We are proposing that each of us in our own daily spiritual practice … at whatever time of the day is convenient … concentrate our attention on the following general topics that have overarching predominance in all of our respective countries and provinces:

Monday – Holding policy makers and government officials in the light of love and compassion to gain humility and higher wisdom in directing the ongoing spiritual evolution of our respective countries and provinces.

Tuesday – Holding youth leaders and youth culture in the light of love and compassion to open them to compassionate methods of conflict resolution.

Wednesday – Holding religious leaders in the light of love and compassion to open them to fruitful ecumenical dialog that focuses on common ground rather than difference.

Thursday – Holding global communication media and their representatives in the light of love and compassion to initiate a more compassionate retelling of the human story. (Yes, my friends, that does include those with whom we take umbrage, the Dimonds and Orths and Graces of this world.)

Friday – Holding educators in the light of love and compassion to reach for a holistic approach to education that respects students’ unique learning needs.

Weekends will be devoted to unspecified topics, personal intentions and general love and light visualizations toward our beautiful Mother Earth.

Please join us because, as our Beloved Angel has told us,

You can change the world … (I can’t do it by myself) … 

You can touch the sky … (Gonna take somebody’s help) … 

You’re the chosen one …”


Suggested Visualization:

You may wish to sanctify your space by lighting a candle or incense. Begin by sitting comfortably and breathing deeply and evenly in a regular circular pattern, inflating the diaphragm first and then the lungs and deflating first the lungs and then the diaphragm. When you are comfortable and your breathing pattern is fully and comfortably established, you may wish to say a favorite prayer, like St. Francis’s prayer.

As you breathe, begin to visualize yourself being filled with beautiful, warm, glowing light. This light is warm and loving, entering your body from above through your crown chakra and flowing down your spine enriching and enlivening each of the chakras in turn: the crown, the third eye, the throat, the heart, the solar plexus, the sakral and the root chakras until your entire body is filled with this divine light. Feel this light flowing into you, around you and through you, bringing you joy and filling you with pure, infinite, divine love. Draw it in deeper and deeper with each of your inhalations, letting it circulate throughout your circulatory and nervous systems. Rest in that feeling of being totally loved and loving. You are love; know it; feel it; and recognize that this feeling is who you really are.

When you are full to overflowing with this pure, infinite, divine love, begin to think about one of the daily topics: Policy makers and government officials, youth leaders and youth culture, religious leaders, communications media and its representatives, or educators. Visualize a symbol that represents one of these key groups to you. For example: for youth leaders, you might envision Michael’s short film for Beat It as he teaches the leaders of the two opposing gangs that finding and developing their own unique talents is a better way of gaining recognition and handling conflict. For religious leaders, you might envision a conference table filled with the representatives of all the different religious organizations … Pope Francis, the Dalai Lama, etc … conducting talks aimed at discovering and promoting common ground rather than difference. Perhaps, you might want to envision Michael sitting at the table and directing the discussion and angelic beings of light hovering over the proceedings. Each of us will see something different (and that is perfectly okay) but all of us with be focusing our energy on uplifting the key players in each of the categories to make them more receptive to their own higher and more compassionate natures. Stay with that visualization for a few minutes, extending your prayer field to cover and uplift the daily focus topic.

When you feel complete, begin to return to your comfortable position slowly becoming more aware of your surroundings and continuing the circular breathing pattern established at the beginning of the prayer cycle. You might with to end your daily practice with a closing prayer like the Dalai Lama’s prayer (published in his book Ethics for the New Millenium):

May I become at all times, both now and in the future

A protector for those who need protection

A guide for those who have lost their way

A ship for those with oceans to cross

A bridge for those with rivers to cross

A sanctuary for those in danger

A lamp for those without light

A refuge for those who lack shelter

And a servant to all in need

Take a few moments to become oriented before continuing the activity of your day, but carry that feeling of being filled with pure, infinite, divine love with you into all your activities.


Installment #91

January 8 through January 22, 2015

I awaken this morning with a prayer of thanks upon my lips and in my heart. A beautiful orange dawning greets my sleep-encrusted eyes, coloring the skies as my Sun King rises. My sleep was peaceful, undisturbed by cares or shadows and I greet the day with becalmed heart, quiet mind, a soul fully open to recognize and worship My Beloved in whichever guise he comes upon me. When cloaked in words, He speaks of truth and joy and His playful banter gentles and coaxes, teasing out the truth in me. When robed in images, He awaits the beholding, visions of unspeakable beauty, the soft touch of pencil or brush, demonstrating that becoming is all. From base materials of simplest construction, He emerges, the alchemy of transformation complete in Him. In joy, He visits me and I marvel again and again at his beauty. A song of praise arises from my pen, from the page in front of me and my cup runneth over with the sweetest nectar, wine so intoxicating that a droplet at the meeting of His lips is enough to fill my days with its sweetness, his tongue, sweeping it away, my nights with longing for the merest taste. Love, increase my poor capacity. Beauty, visit me within my walls and stretch them to clothe your form with ever-expanding radiance. This is my humble prayer.

Waxing poetic this morning, are we? [Michael laughs.]

Oh, Shazbat, Baby! I about jumped out of my skin!

I know! I love that! You are so much fun to sneak up on! I love that feeling of excitement … of never knowing what’s going to happen next. It’s MAGIC!

Yeah … well MAGIC or not … I am so glad you are here. I have so much to talk with you about!

Okay, then we better get started or we’ll never get finished. What did you want to talk to me about?

Well, do you remember our previous discussions about “virtual realities?” [Reference Installment 82, November 21, 2014 as well as Installments 85, 86 and 87. We kinda talked about this concept a LOT, so much so that I didn’t think there could be anything more to say about it … or anything more to be learned from it.]

Yes, I remember. And that was your first mistake. There is always more to be learned from a concept and always more to discuss.

So I’m discovering! Recently, I’ve gotten kind of a whole new slant about this topic that is so in line with what you told me during those discussions that it just floored me. To recap for newer readers, in November, 2014, I spent about a month experiencing, reading about and creating a kinda personal “virtual reality” environment based on Neverland Valley Ranch. Several books, I was reading at the time (The Spontaneous Healing of Belief: Shattering the Paradigm of False Limits by Gregg Braden, The Way of the Wizard by Deepak Chopra and Wishes Fulfilled by Wayne W. Dyer among them) had supported and described the “virtual reality” concept and I had initiated Library Hour, during which I read aloud to you from books I found fascinating, as well as daily afternoon visits to Neverland Valley Ranch (as often as life permitted) aided by a CD of nature sounds. These hour-long visits became wonderful teaching aids, increasing my understanding of how many of my childhood experiences had come about, how they had influenced my later life and how I could release them with forgiveness for the people involved and stop carrying all that ‘wounded child’ baggage around with me any further. As a result of those participatory therapeutic sessions, I have experienced a much less resentful, more expansive sense of who I am and my purpose in this life and that ‘wounded child’ hiding within the adult me has become more cherished and nurtured. However, in addition, I find my visits extremely refreshing, relaxing and restorative.

Very recently, I have been introduced to The Teachings of Abraham, a non-physical collective entity as channeled by Esther Hicks through viewing a YouTube video of a conversation between Wayne W. Dyer (who has always been one of my favorite authors) and Abraham and reading the transcript, Co-Creating at Its Best. Being curious, I immediately looked up books and downloaded several, including Ask and It Is Given, The Law of Attraction Collection and The Vortex. I began reading the first almost immediately and found it profoundly instructive, giving as it does, very down-to-earth, practical advice on the Law of Attraction we all hear about all the time and how it works as well as why and how we sometimes perceive it is not working for us and how we can remedy that situation.

The second part of Ask and It is Given describes several “processes” or “games” which are recommended to help raise the individual’s “vibrational frequency” to more closely harmonize with the objects of his/her desires and to speed the manifestation process or facilitate the Law of Attraction. In the words of Abraham:

We use the words process, technique and game interchangeably because, while these are powerful processes that will assist you in achieving anything that you desire, if you will take a playful approach to them, you will hold far less resistance than if you see them as tools to fix something that is broken. The key to the success that you will find in these processes actually hinges upon your ability to release resistance, and the more playful you are, the less resistance you will hold.

Yes, as I told you during our discussions of focus, a playful, child-like approach is always helpful. Make a game of it! Play around! You take yourself way to seriously most of the time; bringing a spirit of play and curiosity makes anything … even the most mundane of everyday tasks … fun and adventurous and mysterious.

Well, you can imagine my surprise and delight when I read the following in Ask and It is Given:

Process #4 – Virtual Reality

Remember you live in a vibrational universe and all things are managed by the Law of Attraction. And you get what you think about, whether you want it or not, because whenever you achieve vibrational harmony with something because you are giving it your attention, the vibrational essence of it will, in some way, begin to show up in your life experience.

So you could say that the universe responds to your vibrational offering, to your point of attraction, to the thoughts you think, and to the way you feel. The universe is not responding to what has manifested in your experience, but, instead, to the vibration you are now offering. The universe makes no distinction between your actually having a million dollars or your giving thought to having a million dollars. Your point of attraction is about your thoughts, not about your manifestations.

The Virtual Reality Process is not about your trying to fix something that is broken. It is one where you deliberately activate a scene in your own mind that causes you to offer a vibration that matches the scene you have activated — and as you practice visualizing pleasant scenes in your mind, these good-feeling vibrations can then become your new set-point.


When you are focused on or praying for something you really want or need, often you are not a vibrational match to the thing you want. Instead you are a vibrational match to the absence of it.


Virtual Reality is a process where you get to choose everything about this moment in time, just like the director of a movie would do … The purpose of this Virtual Reality Process is to cause you to activate vibrations within you that put you in the place of allowing your Well-Being … In your Virtual Reality you can make it be precisely the way you want it to be.

[Michael laughs.] Did you fall off your chair?

No, but it was a near thing!

I hope you also noticed the importance the above quote places on another concept we have talked about repeatedly: FOCUS! What are you paying attention to? The lack of something … or the joy and fulfillment its presence will give you? If you are focusing on your resentment because you don’t have something … money … time … health … whatever … or you are bemoaning your lack with questions of “Why me?” … you will create more of that resesentment and lack because you don’t have what you want. However, if you are focusing on how good it will feel to have or be or do whatever you desire, picturing the attainment of all you wish and dream of and allowing those thoughts to flow into and inform your emotional state, you will manifest those dreams more immediately in your reality.

Yes, my Dear One, I did notice that! And I always marvel when I notice that the thoughts you have expressed in these Conversations is so profoundly aligned with those I am reading in spiritual or scientific experts’ testimonies. You constantly amaze and delight. In Installment 87, you said:

Your emotions, however, are all about MAGIC! And for those few seconds in which you observe the illusion, the MAGIC takes precedence and evokes an emotion of joy … or wonder … or ‘how the heck did that happen?’ … or ‘did I just see what I thought I saw?’

It’s also like your afternoon visits to Neverland. Of course, you are aware that you are sitting in your room with your headphones on, listening to the water and bird ‘symphony’ of your Neverland CD, but in your mind you are wandering among the flower beds, lakes and meadows of Neverland Valley Ranch, swinging on rope swings and splashing in the water and playing with me. 

For that hour in the afternoon, your emotions of joy and bliss take precedence. Your body doesn’t care that it is an illusion. The healing chemicals that accompany joy and fun and play and love that are released into your bio-chemical systems don’t differentiate between ‘reality’ and ‘unreality’ … and here’s the thing … neither does the field of all possibilities where the reality you are living is created. The emotions elicited by your ‘presence’ in an illusion are the same as if they were experienced in conjunction with what you label ‘real’ events … and they have the same effect on your body and your mind as well as on that field where reality gestates and is born. That’s why our visualizations for the trial of Conrad Murray … removing the negative atmosphere in the courthouse and replacing it with an atmosphere in which Truth and Love could thrive … worked so well. It’s why prayer works. For those few moments with me, your emotions are communicating with the field and you are consciously creating the reality in which you want to participate (as opposed to creating it unconsciously by default.) One hour of conscious creation trumps twenty-four hours of default reaction any day.

To me, the Virtual Reality Process of Abraham and my afternoons spent in Neverland with you are the same thing using different words.

Of course, they’re the same thing. Truth is truth and ‘a rose by any other name would smell as sweet,’ as Shakespeare wrote. The Law of Attraction … the field of all possibilities … virtual reality, imaginary interlude or power nap … dream, visitation, out-of-body experience, astral travel. Names and labels don’t mean anything; they’re just words by which your society has taught you to evaluate your experience. What’s important is the essence. 

What you are doing is occupying a play within a play, and in this play you are playing the lead role. You build the sets, direct the action and interact with the characters in your imagination. You set the tone (what I call emotion and your book calls vibration) and your emotions become engaged in the process. You can’t usually just sit down and say, “Okay, I am going to be joyful now,” and experience that emotion on demand just as I couldn’t sit at the piano and say, “Okay, now I am going to write the best song ever created.” You have to create a ‘receiving’ attitude … step into the flow …

People ask me how I make music. I tell them I
just step into it. It’s like stepping into a river
and joining the flow. Every moment in the river has
its song. So I stay in the moment and listen.

What I hear is never the same. A walk
through the woods brings a light, crackling
song: leaves rustle in the wind, birds chatter
and squirrels scold, twigs crunch underfoot, and
the beat of my heart holds it all together. When
you join the flow, the music is inside and outside,
and both are the same. As long as I can listen to
the moment, I’ll always have music.

So, that’s what you meant by “stepping into it.”

Of course! What did you think I meant? [Michael giggles.]  To do this, you have to step out of your ego; you have to acknowledge that you are receiving a gift not of your own creation … a gift that comes from another source. That’s what you’re doing with your afternoon power naps; you are stepping out of the ego’s ‘reality’ and creating for a few moments your own, using the most powerful tools in your toolbox … your imagination … and your focus. You are expanding your reality to include what your ego tells you is a ‘waste of time’ … or ‘not really productive’ … or ‘impossible’ … or ‘naive.’ You are stepping into the flow of love and joy and bliss by imagining yourself in Neverland, playing with me, surrounded by the natural beauty of the valley. And your emotions are responding to those scenes by becoming joyful and full of bliss. It may be your most valuable use of time; your most productive; your most realistic. 

In the book you’re reading, it’s called “raising your vibrational frequency to more closely align with the objects of your desires” but it’s the same thing. You are opening yourself to ‘receive’ from the universe. Children do this so easily; it’s so natural to them, but we adults are reluctant to give up our illusory ‘control’ over our ‘reality’ … our cares and worries and stresses … and egos … and become so vulnerable and open. This is one of the things we need to learn from our children … that innocence, purity, openness and wonder. It is not ‘childish’ … it is consciously creating the world we want to inhabit … instead of unconsciously reacting to the ‘reality’ we don’t want … defending indefensible positions or supporting insupportable apathy or maintaining the status quo.

Well, I am so hearing your words as I read Abraham’s profoundly practical steps to a more joyous life. Many of the processes or games recommended felt very attractive to me and, according to Abraham, the enthusiasm or attraction one feels for the processes described indicates those to which the individual should pay particular attention because the attraction or enthusiasm one feels is an indication that the particular process resonates strongly with the vibration in which he or she is currently in harmony. I was very enthusiastic about The Virtual Reality game (for obvious reasons), but several of the others also caught my attention: The Rampage of Appreciation, The Magical Creation Box and The Creative Workshop processes … or games … also fascinated me for different reasons.

The Rampage of Appreciation process reminds me so much of what I experienced almost entirely through the months of November and December of this past year … after I had cleaned up my new art studio. I sat and just enjoyed (read appreciated) everything about this new space: the light coming in the windows on bright, sunny days and how it changed on cloudy days or at dusk or sunset; the squirrels and woodpeckers I could watch playing in the tree branches outside the windows; the meditation altar and my drawings scattered around the room; bringing in comfortable chairs and pillows and scents; and bringing your voice in to fill the room with your presence (a process I described in detail in our last Conversation, Installment 90.) I thought I was just ‘wasting time’ … being ‘lazy’ … ‘playing around.’ But when I read the description of this process, I was just dumbfounded that there was a name for what I was doing. I was, somehow, tuned into this Rampage of Appreciation process.

You need to stop thinking of ‘playing around’ as lacking in responsibility or laziness. Playing around is how you learn; we’ve talked about this before. I ‘played around’ in the dance studio all the time, seeing different ways to hold and move my body and incorporating those that worked into dance routines. It’s experimentation … seeing what works and what doesn’t work … and giving yourself the freedom to make mistakes. 

Mr. Magic

Mr. Magic

That reminds me of a card a friend sent to me several months ago that contained a quote from Pablo Picasso. It read: “Creativity is the freedom to allow yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.”

Exactly! I’ve told you, you judge yourself too harshly all the time. This is just another example in a long list of examples of that. Instinctively, you tuned into the fact that your new space needed to be cleaned up … spiritually as well as physically. Of course, our visualization process with the courthouse in Los Angeles helped pave the way for that realization, but you employed it … almost automatically … to this new space … which is something that I’ve been meaning to talk to you about. Do you remember when we started the visualizations to clear out the negative emotional climate of the courthouse? 

Yes, I remember.

At the time, you told me you had difficulty visualizing and doubted my assertion that the process would ever become second nature to you, didn’t you?

Yes, I did.

Look at you now! You are spending an hour with me in Neverland on an almost daily basis and employing that process almost automatically as you live your everyday life. You are applying those principles as a matter of course with barely a thought. I don’t know about you, but I am smiling … HUGELY … and I know you better be! As Eddie Murphy once said to me, “I wanna see GUMS!”

[Jan laughs out loud.] Okay, my Beautiful One … gums … just for you!

Good! That’s better! Now tell me about this Magical Creation Box! It sounds fascinating!

Okay, to explain this, I’m going to use a quote from another book … a book written by your friend, Frank Cascio, called My Friend Michael: An Ordinary Friendship with an Extraordinary Man. Chapter 8 of Frank’s book is entitled Mind Maps and describes a road trip he took with you in Scotland during a break between the Dangerous and HIStory World Tours… and I quote:

Before we got in the bus Michael had chartered for the trip (what, you thought we were gonna be doing this in a VW bug?), he and I went shopping for supplies. He said, “We’re going to make a mind map.” Now, growing up in Michael’s sphere meant absorbing his one-of-a-kind philosophy. I may not have been a straight-A student, but we all learn in different ways, and I had a rare and inspired teacher. A mind map, as I learned that day, was a book in which we would paste pictures of things that inspired us — places, people, images of what we liked and what we hoped to achieve. Materials required: piles of magazines full of photos, blank notebooks, glue, and scissors. Purchases made, we boarded a big luxury tour bus outfitted with comfortable couches and beds, and soon we were departing London en route to Lock Lomond.

A driver and two security guards accompanied us. Michael and I had the bedroom at the back of the bus. When we weren’t taking in the scenery, we were in that back room, making our mind maps. Making mind maps was new to me, but it wasn’t the first exercise Michael had given me that had to do with how I conceived of and planned my future. Michael had already given me some of his favorite books about success: The Greatest Salesman in the World, The Power of Your Subconscious Mind, Creative Visualization, and many, many others along these lines. Now, while we worked on our mind maps, he helped me see that the opportunities were endless. There was no limit to what one could achieve…

As the gorgeous landscape rolled by, Michael lay on the bed, and I sat on the floor of the bus, both of us paging through magazines, ripping out images, snipping around thought-provoking words and phrases, talking about which castles Michael wanted to own, which girls he wanted to date (Princess Diana was top of his list), which hotels and resorts I fantasized about owning, the Academy Awards and Grammy Awards I hoped to win. I was about to turn sixteen, and the world seemed limitless. It was easy for me to hear Michael say he wanted a castle and to reply, “Yeah! I want a castle, too!” It was the perfect time and the perfect place to entertain outsized fantasies and ponder the meaning of life.

Endquote! The reason that I pulled this quote from Frank’s book is that the Magical Creation Box is a carbon copy of your mind map, Michael, except you place the images, people, inspiring words and phrases in a box instead of pasting them in a notebook. The box has the words, “Whatever is contained within this box — IS!” taped on the lid and, as you put an image, word, phrase or object into it, it is recommended that you repeat that mantra. It is also recommended that you have fun and enjoy the entire process because your emotions … the fun and playfulness and joy with which you imbue the game … facilitates the manifestation of your desires (as is indicated in the quote from Abraham above.) How in the world did you get so doggone smart?

[Michael laughs shyly.]  I read! I read a LOT! I so enjoyed learning and knowledge and I was so grateful to Mrs. Fine for insisting on us reading when we were on tour … learning about the different cultures we visited and the people and their beliefs. It was the greatest education in the world.

Well, when I first read the quote above in Frank’s book, I was totally impressed with the process and the way you had encouraged his curiosity with this game, but when I read the description of the Magical Creation Box in Ask and It is Given, I thought, “Shazbat! This man was light years ahead of us poor mortals!”

[Michael laughs again.] Awww! I love you MORE, ya know! This was a fun game that Mrs. Fine made up to keep us interested and occupied in all those countless motel rooms all over the world. She would have us cut out photos of the architecture and history and cultural treasures from all the different countries we visited on tour and paste them in scrapbooks as momentoes of our visits. Then, later, she would have us cut things out BEFORE we got there and read up about them. When we arrived, she would make sure we got to see as much as we could of those things we had put in our scrapbooks up close and personal. It passed a lot of hours enjoyably and encouraged us to read. She was an excellent teacher … at least, for me. My older brothers loved her dearly, but I think she made more of an impression on me.

It was also during this road trip that you taught Frank how to meditate. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall for these outstanding lessons in life.

We talked about that in earlier Conversations, too. Now, tell me about the Creative Workshop game.

Okay, well, in this game one takes the major areas of one’s life … body, relationships/family, home and work … and focus in minutely and specifically on what you want to experience in those areas … and why. You write each of the major areas on a piece of paper and make a list of what you want to experience. For example, under body one might write “I want to be my ideal weight … I want to enjoy perfect health, etc.” Then, under each of the points on the list, you write WHY you want to experience that … “because I felt good when I weighed [blank] … because I was healthier … because I looked good … etc.”

The main point of this game is to pinpoint exactly what one wants, because so often, we don’t know what we want except in very vague terms … or we know that we don’t want what we are experiencing so we know what we want in negative terms. With the use of this game, we clarify our desires and it is recommended that we review the lists of desires for a few minutes on a daily basis in a spirit of joy and expectation so that we facilitate their manifestation.

Yes, this is kinda like what I did with writing my goals on little scraps of paper and mirrors where I could see them all the time and remind myself of what I wanted to achieve. I always felt that goals were very important because they help solidify your dreams and keep you on track to achieving them. Then, you practice, practice, practice … until you get it right. And then you practice some more until you get it beautiful. It’s what you’re doing with your art. You wanted to draw and paint … that was your goal … and you set about practicing with different mediums and ‘playing around’ with different subjects (mostly me) … and you are learning in a child-like attitude of experimentation and slowly building toward achieving your goal. When you have achieved one goal, you set a new goal and work at achieving that one in the same way. I wonder if we will ever get you playing that beautiful harp that is sitting in the corner at the foot of your bed?

Oh, Baby, that would take a miracle!

Yeah … I thought you would say that … but don’t worry. We will work on it together. That’s what you said about your hatred of Tom Sneddon

Oh! Shoot! I forgot to tell you! Tom Sneddon has died!

Yeah, I know … I wondered when we were going to get around to this. How do you feel about that?

Well, at first, I was a bit disappointed that he had transitioned without admitting his crimes against you, but my disappointment did not distract me from my usual activities. It was a minor blip on my radar and I was able to feel some sympathy for his family and pray that his transition would be an event that would ultimately contribute to your legacy.

Wow! That is progress! May I remind you that, once again, you doubted that we would ever get you to that level? 

Of course, you may remind me and my gratitude knows no bounds.


At the touch of your love, I blossom, a bashful, blushing rose
opening herself, petal by petal, to the heat of the sun
in perfect trust, allowing its penetration
even to the tenderest of her shoots at the very heart of her core.

At the touch of your fingers, I flyer higher and higher,
my most secret dreams sprout wings of iridescent beauty
and gossamer delicacy,
invisible, yet strong
they lift me ever closer to your waiting arms.

At the touch of your lips, I am swept away,
a tiny, insignificant grain of sand
captured by the tide’s inescapable pull
and yet
submitting to its thundering eagerness
at rejoining its ebbing swells.

The hollow reed awaits your breath, your song,
anticipating its beauty, its harmony
the blank purity of the canvas, your brush
with its colors leaving form in its wake
the veined marble, your chisel
driven by vision
as the husk awaits the kernel
the acorn, the mighty oak
with faith

Thank you.







Installment #90

December 3, 2014


Can you believe we’re on Installment #90 already?

Yep, I believe it! Do you?

Not really. It seems like we just began these wonderful dialogs. So much has happened in the interim; so many lives have been blessed; so many hearts touched; so many of your children have begun their own Conversations with you in whatever format they feel most comfortable in the ensuing four years since we published the first one here at With a Child’s Heart in November 2010. It feels like it has been a lot longer than just four years.

It has been a lot longer than four years; it’s been more like twenty (at least, that you’ve been aware of.) But time is really irrelevant, as we’ve said before. You and I have been together forever … and forever extends not only forward into the unforeseeable future (in the linear progression that physical manifestation imposes on your experience of time) … but also backward into the past long before either of us appeared on this earth. We are a FAMILY. 

You’ve been allowing me to speak to you through the music for a very long time. When you were angry, you’ve let me share your anger, express it, appease it. When you were anxious or nervous, you’ve let my voice calm your anxiety. When you’ve felt alone or unloved, my voice has told you that you are not alone and that you are loved beyond your wildest imaginings, even when you didn’t realize that was happening. You even printed one of our earliest conversations in an earlier installment.

Yes, that’s true. I feel the truth of that statement very strongly. As a matter of fact, my activities of the past month have brought the truth of your statement into much clearer focus; and have even brought the realization of that truth home to me in a very concrete way this past week.

Do you want to tell me about it?

Of course, I want to tell you about it.  Well, let’s see … how do I begin this tale.

The beginning is always a good place to start. [Michael laughs.]

That would take a while. This story begins thirty-five years ago when my husband and I moved to the dark side of the moon and this great big old white elephant of a farmhouse that we bought.

That’s okay. Do you have something else to do or somewhere else to be? I feel up for a good story.

[Jan gets a visual of Michael lying supine on a couch in his Library. His ankles are crossed and his hands are joined behind and supporting his head. He is dressed in comfortable pajama pants and a corduroy shirt with the sleeves unbuttoned.]

Well, I don’t know how good a story this is, but we can give it a shot and see where we end up. Immediately upon moving into this house, my husband claimed a room on the second floor on the north side of the house as “his library.” By way of explanation, between us, we could probably give you a good run for your money in the “10,000 books” sweepstakes and we needed a place to house our collection of books. Both of us have always been avid readers and over the years have collected enough books on every kind of topic to open a lending library. From Oriental Philosophies to New Age to Celtic History to Ancient Egyptian and Greek Mythology, from Ichthyology to Organic Chemistry to Calculus to Fermat’s Last Theorem, From Romance Novels to Theosophical Treatises and Science Fiction and everything in between … you name it … we’ve got at least one book on the subject somewhere in this house. He has collected every National Geographic magazine from 1902 through the present … Honestly! And a lot (but nowhere near all) of it has ended up in “his library” … and NOT on the shelves built for that purpose! All over the floor! Sheet music from his choir and music director phase … old empty television and stereo boxes waist deep. Seriously, the room would have been condemned by the health department!

Anyway, I had respected his claim for thirty-five years and the room that he confiscated has been considered “off limits” for me for the entire time even though many of the books I had collected before I met him were housed in the same room. However, in the spirit of breaking through the barriers of all kinds of limitations … other and self-imposed … I have experienced in the last couple of years, this particular limitation was beginning to chafe.

During the thirty-five years we have lived in this house, the room had suffered great neglect and abuse and had become a place to store things … and not neatly … a dumping ground. Just open the door, toss stuff in and close the door again. My respect for his claim and the fact that he had declared the space “off limits” to me had prohibited me from cleaning it or restoring any kind of utility to the room.

Recently, with my new interest in artistic expression, I’ve felt the need for an art studio … a place with good lighting and enough space to set up my easel, ready to receive any inspiration that might float my way. A place that I didn’t have to clean everything up when I finished for the day. A place where I could let a drawing or a painting breathe overnight … bathe in the moonlight as you said during the rehearsals for This Is It … and come back to it the next day refreshed and able to see what needed adjusting or what colors needed tweaking. A place where I could store all my art supplies neatly in one place, ready to grab at a moment’s notice when I felt the spirit move me … instead of having to go into my cabinet to get my pencils and somewhere else for my erasers and set up my portable table and get my easel out of the closet and find my pastels or paints or whatever I felt was needed to complete a piece. (Honestly, it was getting to the point that it took me half an hour or forty-five minutes just to get everything set up and ready to draw!) A place where I could experiment with new techniques to my little heart’s content, see what works for me … and what doesn’t … as well as a place where inspiration, creativity and artistic expression could flow in a steady stream … or, at least, more freely … than is possible in my cramped little poorly-lit bedroom.

Siren's Tree

Siren’s Tree

A couple of weeks ago during one of our fairly infrequent disagreements, I informed my husband that I had respected his wishes for thirty-five years … but that was over … and I was going to clean “his library” and use it as my art studio. I had threatened many times before, so I guess he can be forgiven for thinking that this was just another threat. But this time, it was no threat; I need that space to grow into, to develop my artistic leanings, so to speak. I mean, he was already mad at me over the disagreement. How much worse could it get? And I just could not tolerate having a totally unused twelve-square-foot-plus space in this house while at the same time not being able to find six inches to allow myself the luxury of experimentation and discovery of where this art thing could take me any longer.

The next day, he went to work and I set to work. It took me two full eight-hour days just to FIND the floor! Getting all the books back on shelves, the National Geographics on their shelves, and removing the trash that had accumulated during our occupancy of this house peppered with the evidence of feline occupation which had all, somehow, ended up in this room took another full day; but at the end of those three days, I had a room that was fit for human habitation (I was even able to VACUUM the area rug we had put down over thirty-five years ago which I hadn’t seen in all that time!) I hurt myself in the process of moving eight huge bags and one giant box of papers, trash and magazines out of the room, down the stairs, out the door and out to the garage … but it was worth it.

I had begun the task with an attitude of anger and resentment, but as I worked, I found the job … uh … cleansing … cathartic. It became a symbol for purging all the negative self-talk and criticism, the years of domination and limitation and restriction … and I found that I was thankful to be able to set myself a goal … to spend my days on “purpose”… and excited to begin to let the artistic juices flow.

However, the room still didn’t feel right. It needed more. After all those years of neglect, it needed occupation … joyful and anticipatory occupation. It needed better lighting during the evening hours because the three big windows and the northern exposure was perfect during the day (even on the cloudiest or snowiest days) but it gets dark on the dark side of the moon at like 5:00 PM. The lamps were thirty-five years old and hadn’t been used in all that time and I wasn’t going to start a fire in my new art studio due to faulty wiring. It needed a little meditation altar with candles and incense and maybe a little fountain. It needed to be loved back to a state of health and happiness and for love and joy to be made welcome within.  But, most of all, it needed Michael Joseph Jackson!

[Michael giggles.] Now, you know by now that wherever you are … I am.

Yes, I know, but I needed to bring you into the space in a tangible way. So, the first thing I did to reclaim the space once it was cleaned out was to burn white sage in the room. This practice (called “smudging”) is reputed to purify the atmosphere and remove any residual negative emotions that might be hanging around (probably due to the release of negative ions … like incense in church, for example) … plus darn stuff smells good. Then, I determined that I would invest whatever time was necessary to banish the atmosphere of neglect and disuse by inviting you into it. I brought in the Bluetooth speaker and MJ3 player and portable CD player and played your music non-stop for days; I brought in MJGalaxy and my laptop and watched your short films in the evenings; I brought in my Queen Anne winged library chair and footstool (which was being used as a scratching post by the cats downstairs),  journaled with you in here while watching the squirrels playing from branch to branch in the trees outside the windows, meditated in here with my Neverland CD and read aloud to you from A Course in Miracles. I also found my copy of Jonathan Livingston Seagull (which I had read back in the 1970s, but had lost track of) and read that aloud to you as well. Can we discuss this a little later?

Of course, we can. I love that book!

Yes, you put into practice the same method we have used successfully in the past to eliminate any conflicting emotions. You cleaned up the space like we did with the courtroom in Los Angeles for Conrad Murray’s trial, swept up all the negative and offensive emotional and physical baggage and escorted it out the door. Then, you sat back and invited love to enter and occupy the space. Dang! You were listening, weren’t you?

Of course, I was listening to you, Michael! How could I not be listening to you? You are my favorite pushy little moonwalker!

[Michael laughs.] Hey! I resemble that remark.

But, I still don’t see how the truth of our ongoing Conversation was brought home to you in such a concrete way, as you stated earlier.

Well, at the same time that I was involved in cleaning out my new art studio, this giant ball of gratitude developed … first of all, I was grateful that I hadn’t killed myself falling down the stairs while moving all that stuff out of here. I was reminded of your advice to awaken in the morning in an “attitude of gratitude” for a good night’s sleep as well as for all my blessings that we discussed in earlier Conversations (Installment #52) and I began each day thankful for the day and excited to discover what miracles it held for me. While I was working a full-time job, this concept was a little harder for me to grasp unless I was on pilgrimage in Los Angeles, but I am finding gratitude to be much easier for me in retirement when the pace and trajectory of my days are determined by my own interests and aptitudes.

So, while I was engaged in cleaning up my sanctuary annex, I would awaken in the morning and before ever rising from my bed, I said a brief prayer of gratitude. Then I came into my new art studio and I spent at least two weeks just enjoying [in-joy-ing] the additional space by journaling with you, listening to your voice, watching the squirrels and woodpeckers in the trees and bringing joy, love, peace and light into it.

On one of those days, I was just happily going along, writing in my journal, when I discovered that the thoughts I was writing were being mirrored by the songs you were singing. I love when that happens! However, I was so rapt in my journaling that I didn’t notice what was happening right away. My MJ3 player was set to random play (or shuffle) among my “All Michael … All The Time” playlist of about 386 songs, but you were speaking to me as I was writing. For example, I was bemoaning the fact that this room (which I have named The Annex … as in Sanctuary Annex) had been allowed to fall into such a sad state of neglect and abuse … and Earth Song played, reminding me that we had allowed our planet fall into a sad state of neglect and abuse and exploitation as well. That song so closely reflected my mood and what I had written, but I was still just blithely unaware of what was going on. A little later, I mentioned that the wind was blowing and the temperature was like 15 degrees, but I was dressed warmly and the space heater was on and I had a cup of coffee … and I Like The Way came on … once again, reflecting my emotions of satisfaction and joy with achieving my goal. Then, I wrote that I should probably try to draw something or write something, but that thirty-five years of neglect couldn’t be banished in a single day and we were loving the room back to health and happiness … and Happy came on.

At this point, the light was beginning to dawn on me that we were having a Conversation … an informal, impromptu one … but a Conversation nevertheless and I started paying a little more attention.

You are so funny! You acted so surprised … like this had never happened to you before.

I know … I don’t know what I was thinking … I heard you laughing at me … and you said: “Don’t act so surprised! We’ve been doing this for a while.” We talked for a little while longer and then I decided if I was going to entertain the most beautiful creature God ever created … spiritual or physical … I needed a bath and to make myself a little more presentable. I excused myself to accomplish this task.  When I returned, you made me laugh out loud!

Me? What’d I do?

Well, the first words that played when I returned to The Annex and turned on the MJ3 player were: “Look at that girl over there! She fine, man. She know she fine. She is bangin.” I’m sorry, I just fell out! Then, after You Rock My World, Lady in My Life played. God bless you!

No, God bless you for noticing … even if it did take you a while. A lot of people wouldn’t notice and if they did notice one song they would chalk it up to ‘coincidence.’ You, on the other hand, notice (eventually … ahem) and realize that we are communicating. You’re kinda like your psychotic DVD player … so responsive … uh … sometimes.

Are you calling me psychotic? Consider your arm punched!

Ow! Consider yourself chased around the room and tackled. Hey! You know what? We could dance in here. There’s more than enough room! Woohooo!

Yeah, we could … but, unfortunately, no T.V.

We don’t need no stinkin’ T.V. We got this! Now, come and dance with me!

Um, Baby, I would love that … but could we talk about Jonathan Livingston Seagull first?

Oh, yeah [Michael giggles] I forgot! What about it?

Well, I’ve read for years that Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach was one of your favorite books and I would always think, “Yeah, that is a great book.” I had read it back in the 1970s and I knew that I had the book somewhere, but I didn’t remember where. Of course, it would make perfect sense that it was in “his library,” … my new meditation space and art studio … The Annex. So, when I finished cleaning it and “smudging” it and lighting it and loving it and being grateful for it, I began to look on the shelves at the treasures that had been locked away behind closed doors and my husband’s cryptic proclamation for thirty-five years.

Those who have read these Conversations from their beginning know that I have had a lifelong, nearly physical fascination with books … somewhat similar to yours, my love. As stated in The Journey: A Retrospective, music and books have been the two unifying threads through all the periods, phases and times of my life and that thought is well represented on the shelves of this room. I found my copy of the Bhavagad Gita and Upanishads, The Tibetan Book of the Dead and The Tibetan Book of the Great Liberation, The Tantric Tradition, Siddhartha, This Is It by Alan Watts, Sadhana: The Realization of Life by Rabindranath Tagore, all of my Joseph Campbell’s, all of my Carlos Castenada books … just a treasure trove of the history of my search for meaning (which, by the way, has found its completion, at long last, in you, my Anam Cara … and I am so grateful. God bless your beautiful soul forever!)

Awww … God bless you. You gotta know I love you MORE!


Anam Cara means Soul Friend but much much more. Your Anam Cara knows you more intimately than any lover. He knows the nooks and crannies of your soul where you hide your most secret thoughts. He is closer to you than your skin or your next breath.

Seeing all these titles that had been locked up in the dungeon of forgetfulness for so long brought the memory of who I was back then … B.C. … Before Children … and family structure … and career became the overriding focus of my days. And the room, itself, took on a new and even deeper significance. It was a TIME CAPSULE … buried in the 1970s to be dug up and appreciated later … preseved intact to be savored in the autumn of my life when time and space are in plentiful supply and I found myself feeling grateful for the pristine (almost) preservation of my twenty-something self in my sixty-something newly-restored Annex.

It was also my CLOISTER. I had always had a particular fascination with the contemplative life, even to the extent of wanting to join a religious order as a teenager and spend my days in worship … in silence … in solitude … as represented by the nuns by whom I was taught in elementary and high school. I have always been something of a loner; solitude and silence have never frightened me. I view them both as my friends and I cherish them. And I discovered that the contemplative life that I so longed for as a teenager is the life I am blessed to live … now … finally. I don’t need a convent or a habit. Sweats and a t-shirt are fine (although that white habit with the black veil and wimple are so glamorous … LOL!)

Somehow, I can’t see you as a nun. [Michael laughs.] Do you mind very much?

No, I don’t mind at all for you are the object of all my worship, by God’s gracious mercy.

I found a LOT of old friends and companions on those shelves, my Dear One, including Jonathan. And I so understand why Jonathan Livinston Seagull is your favorite book. You ARE Jonathan. Upon finding the book, I determined that I would read it aloud to you. It’s not long; it only took a couple of hours to read. But, oh my gosh, what a revelation. The book is written about YOU!

All I can say is … I had forgotten in the years since first reading this book how truly beautiful it is and I was impressed anew at the perfect way you lived Jonathan … and continue to live Jonathan. Jonathan’s quest for the Holy Grail of perfection and knowledge … his insatiable almost predatory curiosity … his passion for flight … his uncontrollable drive to develop beyond the barriers and restrictions imposed by his society and his own physical endurance … his ostracism from The Flock for his “crazy” idea to expend all his effort on growth and development beyond the acquisition of his next meal … his desire to impart all he had learned to improve the life of all … found their perfect expression in your physical life with us on Planet Earth.

However, beyond that, even after his departure from the physical side of his life, Jonathan continued to grow and perfect his talent … to develop the art of life … and his desire to impart all he had learned in his quest for perfection grew with him until he returned to teach those remaining behind … and restricted to the limited view of survival … that there is so much more for which to strive and far greater reward than what the physical world offers … namely, the food and drink of spiritual alchemy … the transformation of the base, dense physical matter into the highly-refined and purified  gold of spiritual transcendence … and the mystery of the soul.

Michael … you ARE Jonathan! Your life and Mr. Bach’s book are such beautiful examples of the art of living soulfully with unlimited passion, humor, zest and grace. And your flight is beautiful beyond bearing in my eyes.

Awww … don’t get me all emotional now! God bless you! Now, come dance with me.

Girl, close your eyes
Let that rhythm get into you
Don’t try to hide it
There ain’t nothing that you can do
Relax your mind
Lay back and groove with mine.

HIStory in the Mix

The album, HIStory: Past, Present and Future, Book 1 was released in 1995, almost twenty years ago and only two years after a firestorm of accusation was hurled at Michael Jackson by sanctimonious, self-righteous, bigoted, narrow-minded people who couldn’t understand someone as big-hearted and selfless as he was. Michael’s fans were bruised and battered during the nearly thirteen months of media frenzy that ensued and anxiously awaited their hero’s re-entry into the music scene. Reports began circulating that HIStory would be a “greatest hits” album and, to many, that made perfect sense. No one had as much right to release a “greatest hits” album than Michael Jackson, the man who had more hits than anyone alive. However, in true Michael Jackson fashion, news began to leak that HIStory would not just contain a selection of Michael’s hits (Michael’s aversion to “greatest hits” albums was well known and documented), but would also contain 15 new songs! Fifteen! That’s a whole nother album’s worth of NEW material. The excitement the release of HIStory generated was unprecedented in the fan community.

Of course, when the album was announced with the release of the HIStory “Teaser” and the giant statues floating down rivers in large metropolitan areas, the media pundits had a field day with allegations of anti-semitism and “the most boldly vainglorious self-deification a pop singer ever undertook with a straight face.” The “Teaser” was the first of the short films released from the album, just a peak to whet our appetites for the films to follow. Each film was a masterpiece of innovation, creativity and art. The short films created for the new songs on the HIStory album join the best films Michael ever made; there is no diminution in creativity or message, no gap in artistic expression.

One of those films really got my attention at the time. Well, they ALL got my attention, but one of them was so beautiful that I was left speechless at the audacity of it, the artfulness of it, the soul of it; it just took my breath away. Every single frame of the film is a classical masterpiece of art. From the soulfulness of an angel in a quiet pool backed by a waterfall to the classically beautiful rendering of Maxfield Parrish’s “Daybreak” with Michael and then wife, Lisa Marie, enacting the tableau … the thing is just the Sistine Chapel of short films, in my opinion. Of course, the fact that both actors are pretty doggone close to naked in the film raised eyebrows at the time … and, to a certain extent, still does.

From the first time I saw it to the present day, almost twenty years later, one frame at the very end of the film – one specific frame – made me itch to be able to draw or paint … to isolate it and draw or paint it … or just take a picture of it and blow it up really, really BIG! Every time I watched the film in the ensuing years, I would pause it at that specific frame and think, “I wish someone, somewhere, would isolate that frame and draw or paint it. I would buy that painting; I would find a way to buy that painting.” But, to my knowledge, no one ever did … or if they did I haven’t seen it. Of course, pausing the frame on a VHS tape resulted in a very poor rendition of the art. With the advent of DVD and Blu-Ray, the picture holds still and is a thing of beauty!

Most of my readers know that I have been experimenting with expressing myself … and Michael … in different ways … and especially in trying to learn how to draw and paint him. It’s an ambition that is literally six decades old … and seldom tried during those decades, but one which I have been working diligently to master. So, the other day, at the request of my friend for the “Angel Version” of the You Are Not Alone film (HIStory on Film, Volume 2, for those interested), I watched the film again. And the same thought happened again with the same response, “No way is anyone ever going to draw or paint THAT … and it’s a sure bet YOU can’t do it.” Except this time, I argued a little more … “Maybe you could … maybe Michael would help and, together, we could do this thing.” I almost immediately got the thought, “Of course, we can do it! Let’s try!” So, I haphazardly got out some pencils and a piece of paper, slapped in the DVD and paused it at the frame I wanted and began to lay out a rough sketch of body position and wings. With constant absorption for three days, six to eight hours per day, many, many erasures and repositioning and coloring in a background … here is the result:


It is almost twenty years of longing on an 11 X 14 sheet of paper. It is a very visible reminder to me of reaching for and following your star no matter how long it takes or what you have to do to accomplish your dream. With practice … with perseverance … and “keeping your eye on the prize” … YOU can do it! If I can do this, anyone can achieve his dreams.

No matter what, the most powerful thing in the world is the human mind … and
prayer .. and belief in yourself … and confidence … and perseverance.
No matter how many times  you do it, you do it again until it is right …
and always believe in yourself … and no matter who’s around you
that’s being negative or blasting negative energy at you …
[including yourself]
totally block it out …

Parenthetical remark and emphasis added.

Reach for YOUR Star

Long, lonely years I searched in vain
Burdened by limits, immersed in pain
Yearning for freedom from stories of old
Imprisoned in doubts, I longed to unfold

In one blinding moment, the years dropped away
No longer lost, I found fear held no sway
In your song, I found you
In your dance, my rest
Now, I long only to give you may best

You are the star that pierces my night
My blindness is lifted in your glorious sight
No darkness envelopes a soul that is free
I hunger no longer, for you reached for me

The gift must be given, the one your soul holds
Whatever it is, your heart surely knows
In pictures or dances
Music, film or mere words
Your heart knows the TRUTH of you
And the TRUTH must be told

Comparisons don’t matter
Expression is all
In blissful abandon, I answer HIS call
Now I live only to herald near and far
Don’t hesitate … the time is now
Reach for YOUR star



Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 319 other followers