Installment 105

September 13 through September 21, 2016


I am happy to announce that I celebrated your birthday this year in the city of your birth, Gary, Indiana, with many of my friends. It has been many years … twenty plus years, in fact … since I visited your childhood home on Jackson Street. Back then, there wasn’t much to see. It was just a little, four-room house on the corner of a street in a somewhat run-down neighborhood, bordered by a school at the rear and a lot of non-descript little, four-room houses identical to it. The city, itself, has been a victim of the closing of the steel mill, which was its main claim to fame and prosperity when you were growing up. There are a lot of fairly dilapidated neighborhoods with empty, boarded-up houses and storefronts.

However, there are forward-thinking people with plans to rehabilitate the neighborhood. I had heard of one of those people for several years, who has made his home across the street a refuge for fans and a welcome center where food and community are celebrated with considerable gusto. My thanks to him for his unconditional welcome.

Now, 2300 Jackson Street and the house next to it are bright spots on the block, sporting lovely renovations, a monument proclaiming your accomplishments, landscaping improvements, large posters bearing your face in the windows and a wrought iron fence.

In the intervening years, the house has become something of a Mecca for your children who gather to honor you (Michael Pilgrims), drawing crowds from countries spanning the globe. I was offered the opportunity to join them this year due to a Fan Art Exhibition which had been long delayed due to the serious illness of the organizer of the event.

Upon recovering from her illness, Dr. Catherine Gross began preparations almost immediately to make this Fan Art Exhibition happen during the weekend of your birthday, when so many of your children would be able to be present in person. She acquired a beautiful venue called The Aquatorium in Miller Beach, Indiana, located a short drive from Jackson Street in the sand dunes right on the shores of Lake Michigan, gathered the art she had collected from fans all over the world (several of my own humble little drawings and paintings included), and staged a spectacular Art Exhibition to showcase the fact that you continue to inspire long after your Ascension. Countries represented by Art included Canada, Russia, United States, Hong Kong, Netherlands, United Kingdom, Sweden and France. It was really quite a large exhibition. My thanks to Dr. Gross for keeping the dream of this Art Show alive during her extended illness and to her remarkable team who made it happen on August 28 and 29, 2016.

Of course, there were other events scheduled during the weekend, some of them sponsored by your mother and held at Roosevelt High School, including talent shows throughout the day on Friday and Saturday and a “White Party” at Que’s Lounge. However, my personal favorite was the Fan Art Exhibit at the Aquatorium.

I wondered if you were present, walking among the fans and community members who attended, of course.

Now, you know better than to ask that question. Would I pass up a chance to live the dream I held for so long in my physical life?

Yeah, I figured that was kind of a stupid question to ask. Evidence of your presence was everywhere, including outside my hotel every morning when I awoke and left the room to speak with you. There on the ground each morning, a feather awaited my awakening and welcomed my thoughts of you. On the morning of your birthday, I woke before the dawning and went outside to hold a private little sunrise meditation as the dawn painted the cloudy sky with pink and peach colored edges.

Of course, it could be argued by the uninitiated that I see you everywhere and in everything, but I cherish those little reminders that you are with me.

Ooo, ooo
I love to be with you
Ole’ man sun, he don’t have to come
I keep warm with your smile
And when my troubles get bad and I should be sad
I’m happy all the while
I forget the world outside
Having your love, enjoying life
Just me and you
What a lovely way to spend my time

Oh, Baby, I love that song! The purity of your voice is just stunning in that song from your youth.

On the morning of your birthday, we arrived at the Aquatorium early and had the chance to walk down the footpath through the sand to stand at the water’s edge and get our feet wet. It was a wonderful way to mark the day and something I had always wanted to do. The water was clear and cool and the sun was approaching its zenith; the city of Chicago could be seen through the haze in the distance. Naturally, there on the beach waiting for me was a beautiful little white feather, of course. It was exhilarating, a treasure hunt, and you were everywhere.

I definitely felt your presence on several occasions during the trip, but never so much as when I arrived back home and started thinking about all the things I didn’t do during the weekend.

What do you mean?

Well, I was kinda regretting not going into Chicago, where the bust of an ancient Egyptian at the Field Museum so closely resembles you or hanging around more at the football field. As these thoughts were passing through my mind, I realized that my traveling companion and I were in the perfect place at the perfect time throughout the entire weekend. Of course, you know that I attributed that to you. It seemed like everything just clicked into place ideally for us to be where we needed to be to offer our gifts where they were most needed.

For example, I was a bit impatient with my friend while she was creating flyers announcing the Art Exhibit at the computer station in the lobby of the hotel, but as it turned out, those flyers brought quite a few guests to the exhibit to view the fantastic art that was on display.

After she got the flyers completed to her exacting standards (this is her gift) we printed up about 200 of them at a local Staples and handed them out to all the people re-entering the football field at Roosevelt High School and posted them at 2300 Jackson Street. They were highly effective in drawing people to the Art Show. She called it “gorilla marketing.” Once again, I am learning patience and the art of letting go (lessons still badly needed for a self-confessed control freak.)

On Saturday morning, while eating breakfast in the lobby of the hotel, we ran into three lovely German friends who had traveled to Gary, Indiana to celebrate your birthday. They were staying pretty much to themselves, so I decided to go over and introduce myself and play the role of the friendly American. Of course, their t-shirts were a dead giveaway. As it turned out, we had more fun with these German ladies. We even got asked to quiet down out in the parking lot at around midnight one evening because we were getting too rowdy, laughing and sharing stories over the language barrier! That hasn’t happened to me in a lot of years!

Oh, I can’t believe that … you are such a rowdy person! [Michael laughs out loud.]

Yeah, right! This was just another example of how you are still bringing complete strangers together and fostering a sense of community among them – people from different cultures who don’t even speak the same language – even seven years after you left the stadium.

I have never left the stadium. And you’re all just another part of me.

That is so true. It is at times like these that I feel the truth of that statement so strongly.

On another occasion, as stated earlier, we arrived at the Aquatorium a little early on the anniversary of your birthday – early enough to walk down the footpath through the dunes to the beach and stick our feet in Lake Michigan. It was a beautiful morning and the water was so clear that you could see the drop off about two feet into the water and the rocks at the bottom. I had always wanted to do that. My parents always said the lake was too polluted and unhealthy. So, in keeping with my philosophy of jettisoning the past and living in the moment, I got the chance to be a “wild-child” on the morning of your birthday and stuck my toes in Lake Michigan. It was a heavenly experience to let the waves wash over my feet while listening to the gentle sound of the surf. For me, it was just a beautiful moment, communing with nature on the shore of Lake Michigan with you on my mind.


Miller Beach, August 29, 2016

Then, as we were the first to arrive at the Art Show, we went inside and opened up the Art Exhibit. Several pieces had fallen overnight from their mountings, so we picked them up and turned on the lights to welcome early guests. As it happened, we were in just the right place at just the right time to greet a woman from France, who was scheduled to give a lecture that evening at the Gary Public Library close to your childhood home on her academic treatise on the Dangerous album and its cover art. We found a piece of cardboard for her to write out all the particulars of her lecture so that we could attend it later that evening.

It turns out this wonderful lady has made a serious study of Michael Jackson throughout her academic career at the Sorbonne in Paris. Her specialized field is Musicology and she has created a doctorate in the study of Michael Jackson!

Well, I am sure you know how much I support any serious effort to examine your body of work with an unjaundiced eye.

[Michael laughs.]

In talking with her, we discovered that she had written a book in French and had it translated into English, but she was uncomfortable about the translation. She had been told it was awful. I was moved to offer to proof-read the English translation of her book for her and make suggestions to improve or clarify it for a more general audience than those well-versed in Musicology. If we hadn’t arrived early that day, we would not have had those few quiet moments down by the lake or met her and been moved to offer her my services.

It just seemed that we arrived right where we needed to be right when we needed to be there throughout the entire weekend and, as a result, these synchronicities abounded. Of course, not knowing this ahead of time, I was a little impatient because things were not in my control, but I am learning to “let go and let Michael handle it.”

[Michael laughs.]  Many would call all of that coincidence, but not you. You see my hand in everything.

Indeed, I do … and I so enjoy ‘seeing your hand in everything.’ I have learned from my experiences in the past almost twenty-five years that there are no coincidences.

That is true. There are no random occurrences or accidents. Everything that happens … happens for a reason. Each is an opportunity. In your case, many are opportunities for you to practice patience. Will you choose to remain in the impatience and the anxiety it causes you or will you surrender your need to be in control? In someone else’s case, it might be a different valuable lesson. But in each, it is an opportunity to surrender to love.

Well, I didn’t realize that at the time it was happening.

No, but you are willing to learn. That is your great strength. You are very ready to reveal your weaknesses, but reluctant to talk about your strengths. And as the saying goes, ‘hindsight is always clearer vision.’

Your daily spiritual practices have left you more open to experience the moment and less ready to fear the unknown over which you exert no control. You experienced a moment of impatience at the time in place of the hours or even days you would have endured and allowed to fester in the past. That’s called progress.

As we’ve said before, it’s a step-by-step, incremental process. One step forward followed by a step or three backwards. It doesn’t happen overnight. And just when you think you have this thing in the bag, something shows up in your experience that makes you realize that you still have a long way to go. Each step leads to the next organically and without strain or pain, unless you choose to experience the strain or pain. It is always your choice.

However, it’s not me making these things happen. It’s you!

I prefer to think of it as you, my dear one. My readings tell me that it is spirit or my higher self, but as far as I’m concerned, YOU are my higher self. The Persian poet, Rumi, speaks to this so beautifully:

“This is how I would die
Into my love for you
As pieces of cloud
Dissolve in sunlight.”


Awww! God bless you! I love you MORE, you know. That, too, is your choice. It is LOVE … We are LOVE.

Exactly. I am so glad you see things my way.

[Michael giggles.] But the point is not to die into LOVE … it is to LIVE into it every minute of every day … to breathe into it with every breath you take … to bathe in it like you did for those few moments of bathing your feet in the lake … to dance into it by making each step so full of joy that it becomes a dance … to be so immersed in it that you recognize nothing else exists … because nothing else does exist.

That is such a perfect description of how you lived your physical life, my dear one. You were the embodiment of those words throughout all the moments of your life and you continue to personify them even now.

Okay, now you’re just embarrassing me! But … thank you.

Even those things you observe that don’t look like love are indicating a lack of love and, as such, are love crying out for love. LOVE is the only truth, the only reality. It’s what we all seek through our addictions, but it can’t be found through them.

Wherever you go, in every country, or in every continent, people yearn and hunger for only one thing … to love and to be loved. Love transcends international boundaries and heals the wounds of hatred, racial prejudice, bigotry and ignorance. It is the ultimate truth at the heart of creation.

 And … well, you ARE just another part of me! We are ONE!

We are not seeking your dissolution, here. We are remembering, realizing and recognizing your completion … your expansion … into LOVE.

That is so beautifully stated, my heart. Thank you!

When I returned home and settled in, I began proof-reading Isabelle’s book. Surprisingly enough, I was able to understand the majority of it, I think. The translators had gotten the gist of what she was trying to say, although it was a little rough in the mechanics and usage areas of the English language and there were a lot of colloquialisms and inconsistencies within the translation.

It took me a couple of weeks to go over it twice, compile my suggestions for changes to the text and go over it one more time to make sure that I had caught everything. I wanted to be extremely thorough (as anything pertaining to your body of work deserves.) It was a challenge, but I think I was able to help her in cleaning up the translation so that it would be intelligible to the English-speaking community.

During the time I was working on this challenging project, the synchronous occurrences just kept piling up.


Oh, absolutely, my Sweet King. It was as if I was being led. I felt I was on the right track, doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing throughout this process. I interpreted these little signs as encouragement to continue on the path I was traveling.

Can you be more specific?

Indeed, I can. I made notes of all the “little miracles” that occurred during the weeks I was involved in working on this book in my daily journal, as I always do.

One day was particularly noteworthy. It was Saturday, September 10, exactly fifteen years after the second taping of your 30th Anniversary Special at Madison Square Garden in New York for later broadcast. I had the opportunity to attend those tapings; several of my friends were in the audience. It was also exactly one day before the fifteenth anniversary of September 11, 2001. My journal entry begins at 3:45 AM.

The first occurrence that I noted was: I had a dream that was vaguely Michael-related. I was traveling to Europe to meet three of my friends whom I have never met, but who followed you around during your tours. We were going to follow you from country to country for months and I was so excited that I would meet them and accompany them on their adventures. You did not appear in this dream, but you were everywhere and the emotions were very real. I was setting off on a “great adventure.” My friends and I would be in the audience of many of your concerts and I would be visiting countries I had only heard of or read about. We would be gone for months. The freedom, the anticipation, the excitement and the sense of impending discovery were palpable presences in this dream.

You know how infrequently I remember dreams, so, of course, I had to contact my friends and let them know that I had dreamt of them the following day after a few more hours of sleep.

But the frequency and clarity of your dreams are improving enormously, aren’t they?

Yes, they are and I am so grateful. As I sat quietly writing about the dream in my journal, I began to write the sentence, “I haven’t gotten to do our reading and meditation yet today because I am waiting for a claims adjuster to come and look at the car.” In the middle of the word waiting, I heard a knock on the door and it was the claims adjuster coming to look at BIG Red, in which we had hit a deer a couple of days earlier. The timing was impeccable, perfect and spoke to me so clearly of your presence! It was as if you were impatient for me to get to the reading. I had to laugh at that!

See? Even I can feel impatient. [Michael laughs.]

After the adjuster left, I began our reading and meditation. In the middle of the meditation, the scent of your cologne permeated our little sanctuary so strongly (and your face floated by behind my closed eyelids just as the scent appeared.) That scent lingered for hours, literally! It was heaven-scent (pun intended.)

(Michael chuckles.) I love it when a plan comes together, don’t you?

Yes! And I need a fifty-five gallon drum of that stuff next time you’re in the neighborhood.

Then, later in the day, I went into the bedroom and noticed that the Wii game console had been turned on. As I usually do, I said, “Hi, Baby! Thank you for being here,” and turned it off. The next time I walked through the bedroom it was turned on again! I had to laugh at your persistence!

I thought, “Wouldn’t it be great if he played She Was Lovin’ Me (I use your original title to differentiate the demo from the remix) during my nightly fix of your voice? I love the demo of that song! While the lyrics are about a two-timing woman, the sonic resonance of the demo is so atmospheric and intimate and sensual! It’s a sexy, slow dance in audio format. They changed the entire character of it in the remix. (They did the same thing with A Place Without No Name, and, in my opinion, lost the original Michael-ness and intent of the song in the remix.)

Anyway, that evening, I turned on the MJ3 player (which is always set to random play so that you can choose my playlist) for my customary half hour of listening to your beautiful voice before drifting off into sleep. After We Are the World finished, She Was Lovin’ Me began! It was a “Mikegasm” to round out a day of “little Mikegasms” during which I noticed and acknowledged your presence.

[Michael giggles and I get a visual of him covering his mouth.] Mikegasms! That’s funny!

I wish I could claim authorship of that one, my dear, but I can’t. I don’t know who thought that one up, but it fits. I love days like that. They make the dry spells seem more tolerable.

A couple of days later (the 13th, to be precise,) I was visited by the lines of a poem while I was sitting with my journal in my lap and wrote them down so that I wouldn’t lose them. The lines just poured through me, into the pen and onto the journal page fast and furious. When they stopped flowing, I asked, “Okay, Baby, where did that come from?” I got a few more lines in response:

From me
Through you
Art is not limited
It is not words
It is what breathes inside
All of life
Available to all
Restricted to none

Later, that evening I saw a fabulous new painting by my beautiful friend called “Within” that so unerringly illustrated the lines of the poem it was uncanny. The next day, I requested her permission to use her painting in a video with our poem and spent a wonderfully absorbing afternoon creating the video posted below on With a Child’s Heart.

All of these little miracles seemed clustered around and during my work on Isabelle’s fabulous book.

Did you like the book? Tell me more about it.

Yes, I loved it. It is an examination of the cover art by Mark Ryden for the album Dangerous and presents her scholarly research into your collaboration with him to produce an attention-getting, symbolically-significant work of art to illustrate your musical offerings in the tracks on the album. As such, it underscores your knowledge and love of the visual arts and how they can be used to attract and hold the public’s attention.

However, it also offers a Musicologist’s perspective on the musical contents of the album, drawing from the historical and cultural lexicon. As such, it presents a much clearer focus on your knowledge and use of music and lyric to bring awareness to global and societal problems.

The title is: Dangerous: From Mark Ryden to Michael Jackson: Pop Culture in the Pantheon of Fine Arts and I do so hope she decides to move forward with the publication of the English translation of her book, even though the corrections I suggested were extensive. It so illuminates your collaboration with Mr. Ryden, your knowledge of the fine arts and the fields of music and physical movement and the intelligence, deep thought, originality and hard work that went into the recording of the tracks as well as your attention to detail in the production of the artwork accompanying the album.

It is a fascinating read and would make a significant addition to any collection of scholarly, serious Michael Jackson material.

The fact that you used Mark Ryden’s painting as a model for much of the material in Dreams (the Pepsi commercial you created around the Dangerous album and in which you brought significant sections of Mr. Ryden’s painting to life) just highlights the cover art further. Because it was broadcast on a global basis, particularly during your Dangerous World Tour, much of the world has been exposed to Mr. Ryden’s painting.

The publication of the English translation would make her scholarly research for her doctorate accessible to a much wider audience, taking it from the ‘hallowed halls of academe’ and making it available to the general English-speaking world.

It sounds interesting. Will you keep me posted?

I will indeed, my love.



I Wait

My thanks to my beautiful friend, Siren, for allowing me to use her beautiful new painting which so illustrates the point that WE ARE ONE. The poem, itself, came to me in a torrent during the early afternoon yesterday, September 13, 2016. I saw her new painting, “Within,” late that evening. They so beautifully illustrate each other that I had to share the moment. Enjoy!

July 20 through July 28, 2016



It’s July again and the 7th Anniversary of your Ascension has come and gone in celebrations around the globe. Hundreds of your children gathered at Forest Lawn and Neverland Valley Ranch to honor you and bear witness to your continuing impact in their lives. Floral displays representing countries around the world decorated your final resting place; the One Rose for Michael group lined Holly Terrace with over 10,000 beautiful, long-stemmed, red Freedom roses. They gathered in Munich and Russia, China and Japan in small and large groups to honor your life among us.

For myself, I had a little quieter personal celebration with my customary month-long prayer/meditation vigil, culminating in Major Love Prayer on the 25th.  I spent the month first drawing a rough draft of the vision I was granted during my visit to Los Angeles in January 2012 on an 11 x 14 sheet of paper; then redrawing it on a larger sheet to get the composition balanced; and then painting that vision on a 24” X 30” canvas. I worked on it a little bit every day for the first two-thirds of the month of June until it was finished.

The night of July 7 (the 7th Anniversary of the night we took our spiritual relationship out of “standby mode,” as you so aptly put it in one of our earlier Conversations) was a particularly difficult and emotionally draining evening. Reliving that heartbreaking night seven years ago is not an easy thing to do, yet at the same time, I am so very grateful that it was not the end of the story.

Nevertheless, I made it through and I am still here. Are you?

Now, what kind of question is that? You know the answer to that question before you even ask it. Of course, I’m still here. Where else would I be?

Well, you feel a little more distant.

That doesn’t mean that I am further away; it just means that you are resisting my presence more because of your ‘heartbreak’ over what is and what cannot be changed. It means you just need to stretch a little further to reach me by removing your resistance so that you can recognize my touch upon your heart … and you have been doing that.

You have begun a new practice on a regular basis; you have consistently practiced it for the last couple of months; and I am impressed. Will you tell me about it?

Yes, my love, of course … and consistent is the operative word in that statement. I have always had the best of intentions regarding resolutions to practice new things; it is always sticking with it that has been a problem.

That’s why I’m impressed. [Michael giggles.]

To be totally honest here, I have actually begun to take your advice, which I probably should have taken when I first retired. I have begun to start every day with a brief inspirational reading and meditation accompanied by gentle, meditative music designed to enhance the meditation experience.

Previously, I had awoken in the morning and just jumped into a project without any real preparation and often felt a little scattered.

Yes, preparation is a key element in whatever you do. If you fail to prepare, you prepare to fail. It is also one you try to bypass regularly. I’m not criticizing you; it’s a mere statement of fact. You want to ‘jump in,’ cold.

However, you are finding that preparing in your art is absolutely necessary. You prepared to paint your painting mentioned at the beginning of this Conversation. You drew it, you redrew it, and you redrew it again. That included three different sizes of drawing, composing, and preparing the canvas before beginning the finished painting.

It’s the same with life. Preparing to start your day is just as important. It sets the tone; it tunes the instrument through which you hear the Symphony.

It’s that patience thing again. You have this idea in your mind that a true artist just slaps paint or whatever medium he works in onto a piece of paper and an incredibly insightful image just seems to appear by magic.

[Michael snorts loudly.] That is not how art happens. A true artist prepares, and prepares, and prepares until it looks like magic, which is not the same thing at all. It requires thought, patience, preparation, practice, perseverance. It is 90 percent perspiration and 10 percent inspiration, as Thomas Edison so rightly said.

I know, Michael. I think that patience is my life lesson for this lifetime. In addition, if I become absorbed in whatever project I am attempting, I end up missing my meditation because the time just seems to slip away; and when I’m drawing or painting you, total absorption is a given.

As a result of consistently awaking and structuring my day with an inspirational reading and meditation before I dive into the day’s activity, I find that I am much more calm and at peace and more able to remain unflustered by little annoyances that may crop up. I’m able to remain unattached and less invested in distressing external situations and circumstances happening out there in the world, and I am able to stay a bit more positive regardless of the day’s events.

Good! That’s what we’re after. It’s all about staying in the Love Dimension on a full-time basis because that is the ultimate reality at the heart of all creation. We aren’t there, yet; but we are moving in the right direction.

We are stretching your belief structure a little more every day. Taking the time to breathe calmly in this eternal moment of NOW; to be grateful for all your blessings and to appreciate all the beauty that surrounds you; to enter the sacred space bordered by love and to stretch those boundaries by projecting that love into your surroundings and into the events and circumstances that you find distressing is so important. It gives you a solid foundation from which to re-imagine your world.

Well, all I can say is that it certainly needs it. This world appears to be headed to hell in a hand basket, Michael. The last couple of months have been quite challenging out there in the real world.

Okay, my first thought in response to that statement is:


Everything else is only an illusion … make believe that you have been made to believe. It’s not real! It’s not TRUTH!

You have been made to believe that you are separate from God. It is not true. How can you be separate from that which you are?

You have been made to believe that you are separate from each other. It is not true. How can you be separate from that which you are? We are all one in the body of the Ultimate Source.

You have been made to believe that you are separate from the beautiful planet from which you were born, upon which you depend for your survival, and which sustains your life as it sustains its own. It is not true. How can you be separate from that which you are? We are all cells in the body of Planet Earth, which is a cell in the body of the Ultimate Source of all creation.

Like the physical manifestation of the one lonely, little note on the page, which cannot be separated from the tone or vibration of which it is an expression, you cannot be separated from that part of you which dwells in the LOVE DIMENSION with me always. [Reference: Volume 1, Installment 40 – August 28 through September 3, 2011]

When one cell in your body goes rogue and starts attacking other cells in your body, it is called disease … it is called insanity. You are living in a diseased, insane world that thinks that one individual cell can attack other individual cells without harming itself. You have been made to believe this; but it is not true.

Just like in a human body when the disease has taken over and has reached a point of imbalance, the entire organism must suffer dissolution … or death. It is rapidly approaching that point in the body of this planet of which each of you is a cell and which includes all of the life on the planet.

To avert disaster, you must awaken to the REAL TRUTH that underlies what you have been made to believe. That is: LOVE IS THE ONLY REALITY. Anything that does not reflect LOVE is not real. It is not TRUTH. It is just something that you have been made to believe.

So what’s up?

Well, my dear, there have been more killings of young men of color and very recently five police officers in Dallas have been killed in retaliation. The one bright spot is that your music has been used very publicly after several of these shootings as a healing and unifying agent, as it was in Baltimore.

However, I can’t help but believe that these killings are being fueled by the bombastic, separatist, divisive rhetoric being given 24/7 air time because of the Presidential campaign, which is hotting up as we approach Election Day. One of the candidates is just pumping fear into the “us and them” mentality with every word that explodes from his mouth. Now, in addition to Latinos, Muslims, African-Americans, and women, he has added anyone who hails from a country which has been the site of a terrorist attack to the list of people he would ban from immigration into the United States.  Somehow, being the victim of a terrorist attack makes that country and its inhabitants suspect.

Currently, that would include British, French, German, Israeli and the list is growing. Shoot, we would have to include Americans since we were victims of terrorist attack in 2001! Sometimes I wonder if the man even listens to his own speeches.

What’s worse, some people are just eating his words up because, according to them, he is “speaking his mind,” which they respect. What mind? That is self-righteous, arrogant, ignorance!

Many are responding with violence at his rallies and speeches … and out in the country by extension. He is using the “divide and conquer” bait and switch very effectively and few seem to be noticing and calling it what it is: Nazism in 21st Century America. We fought a war over this a few decades ago. Doesn’t anyone remember? Now, it’s  right here … right now … on our own shores … dressed up in a bad suit and interesting hair piece.

It is the same kind of separatist rhetoric that was used against you for half of your life and it just makes my blood boil. It’s the bully-in-the-schoolyard mentality played out in the national political arena which attacks anything not like “us,” makes it other, and dehumanizes it … so that we don’t have to feel guilty for killing it.

Yes, in our comparison earlier, it’s like one blue cell in our body attacking a red cell in our body just because it’s red and not blue. And, to take the comparison a step further, bullying the red cell to join it and both red and blue attack the white cell because there is strength in numbers. What kind of sense does that make?

Man of war
Don’t go to war no more
Why don’t you
Why don’t you study peace
Man of war
Don’t go to war no more
Study peace
Cuz peace is what we need

So, how has your morning practice affected your feeling about these incidents?

Well, I am a little more able to stay … uh detached … not apathetic … more like I fail to own them, I think. With the help of my morning readings and meditations, I have been able to stay in the Love Dimension, at least so far; but it has been a challenge. I have been able to include the victims of the violence and their families as well as those who have committed the violence in my prayers and meditations for a more peaceful, less violent world.

Then, last week there was another terrorist attack in Nice, France, and hundreds gathered to sing ‘Heal the World,’ once again bringing your healing messages to bear against the violence. I added those victims, their families, and the terrorists to my prayers and meditations, appealing to their higher Selves to open all of us to more wisdom and compassion.


Good! It’s important to remember to extend love and compassion even to those who commit such atrocities because all hatred is just love that has been wounded or feels abandoned. It’s so obvious from the perspective of spirit although it may not be easy to see from the human perspective, particularly when you are bombarded relentlessly with the ego and fear-based perspective in the media.

Fear, violence, sarcasm which degrades others, the constant pressure to believe that you are incomplete and inferior creations who need this or that product to be beautiful, healthy, and happy … that is the ego’s diet. It’s drama, endless drama; the ego thrives on drama; it feeds on it and gets stronger.

It’s constant and never-ending, all-pervasive … and totally untrue. You don’t need the latest pill to alleviate toe-nail fungus or the latest formula to control wrinkles to be beautiful.

You are already beautiful and your body is a miracle of repair and renewal. Yet, the constant exposure to advertising designed specifically to make you feel bad about yourself and the violence and bad news in the media designed specifically to make you feel helpless and hopeless about your world and fearful  of your neighbor keeps you in a constant state of fear and turmoil.

Well, as clearly stated in earlier Conversations, I am not a subscriber to the 24 hour news cycle and I don’t really pay much attention to television offerings on any kind of regular basis. If I watch television for an hour a day, it’s an unusual day. I would rather read, draw, write, and lately I’ve been making little video clips from some of your poems and reflections in Dancing the Dream. I do enjoy that.

It is a good thing to avoid some of the blandishments provided by the media, but you can’t avoid it all. Your society is saturated with it. It’s important to remember that fear and love cannot occupy the same space at the same time; they are antithetical. And you can’t project peace and unity into your world if it doesn’t already reside in your heart. If your heart is in a state of conflict and turmoil, anger and vengeance, you are not coming from a firm grounding in love.

You cannot control what others do; you can only control your response to what others do. That is your choice … and your power.  Resistance to what has already happened is an exercise in futility and causes more anxiety, stress, and turmoil.

By choosing to stay immersed in the Love Dimension with me, instead of embroiled in all the anxiety and stress-inducing conflict that vies for your attention, there is no room for fear. Your new practice of re-structuring your day by beginning it with inspirational readings and meditations sets your intention for the day and helps you sustain your presence in peace. Besides, I love it when you read to me. Thank you.

We’ve talked a lot about intention. Adding this early morning practice to your afternoon power naps strengthens our connection and makes it easier for us to inspire each other. Remember, I want you to read that word as “in-spirit.”

Yes, Beloved, I remember. Wait a minute! “Inspire each other?” I know you inspire me; that goes without saying. How could I ever … in a million years … hope to inspire you?

[Michael laughs.] Of course, you inspire me every day. When you struggle with a wording that just doesn’t want to express what you are feeling, your determination to get it right inspires me.

When you draw a drawing and it doesn’t come out the way you want it to, what do you usually do?

Sometimes, I let it sit for a while and come back to it later; sometimes I just start over from scratch. Sometimes, I think about yelling at you for being elusive, but I never really do that.

[Michael laughs.] Elusive, huh? How can I be elusive?

Exactly, you are practicing learning patience and that inspires me; you are persevering in your attempt to get the image you want to recreate and that inspires me.

The drawing you are working on now, how any times did you redraw it before you were satisfied with it?

Three or four, I think, but it is a challenging drawing … and I’m still not totally, over-the-top satisfied with it; the upward tilt to the face is giving me fits! It is now in its fifth incarnation, but it’s getting closer to what I want. And I did get pretty frustrated with the first two. They were both drawn on one sheet of paper (why waste paper, right?) and I tore that sheet up. I don’t think I’ve ever done that before.

You are allowed a little frustration occasionally. Just don’t make a habit of it.

And what do you think is the difference from its first incarnation to its fifth incarnation?

Well, in this latest attempt I drew guidelines to help me get the edge of the face at the right tilt and all of the features spaced and properly aligned.

In other words, preparation, right? We’re getting there!

Contrary to what you apparently believe, this is not a one-way street, here, woman! Every time you attempt something new, you inspire me; every time you try doing things in a way that you haven’t tried before, you inspire me. When you prepare the drawing, compose it, align it before beginning, you inspire me because I know that you are practicing patience and I find that inspiring.

We are all meant to inspire each other. We are all teachers and pupils. We learn from each other and we push each other toward greater and greater achievement. That is our purpose. That is our joy.

But back to our discussion; I sense that there is something that you want to discuss.

Yes, my dear one, my new morning practice has been very effective in helping me stay on an even keel. I feel much more peaceful and able to maintain a more tranquil, prayerful mindset, at least until some new situation comes along and drags me out of that balanced equilibrium.

I assume that means that some new situation has come along which has dragged you out of that equilibrium?

It does, indeed, Michael.

Would you feel better if you talked to me about it?

Yes, please, Baby … I think I would, if you don’t mind.

Of course, I don’t mind.

I don’t know how new the situation is; I suppose I should have expected something like this to happen, but I was shocked to discover this past week that Conrad Murray has written and is about to release a book. The book is entitled “This Is It: The Secret Life of Conrad Murray and Michael Jackson.” [Notice he put HIS name first! What arrogance!]

Now, for this man to write a book of any kind, exploiting the name of the man whose life he took and was convicted of taking, is just preposterous; but to use the title of your stillborn concert tour just adds insult to injury. I would think there would be intellectual property violations galore just in the title alone.

There is no “secret life of Conrad Murray and Michael Jackson.” The man only came into your life during the last four to six months of it, for heaven’s sake, and I can’t help but think that if he hadn’t, you would still be here.

I AM still here.

Thank God … and you, Beloved.

I understand, however, that he is “telling all” about all the tabloid trash that has been circulating for twenty-five years of your life as if he was there and a member of your “inner circle,” your “confidante” for the entire time. I assume he is saying that he was told all of this stuff by you, which I cannot fathom at all. I know that didn’t happen.

Needless to say, I will not be buying his book. Furthermore, I am trying very hard not to read any discussion of it because it makes me sick to my stomach just to contemplate him profiting from his self-protecting and promoting actions that resulted in your Ascension seven years ago.

He was proven during his trial to be a pathological liar. He lied to everyone: police, emergency medical technicians, emergency room physicians, your own security personnel, and his lawyers.

It was proven that he was more concerned with his own welfare than his patient’s. He delayed calling 911 for over 45 minutes, a thing that any third-grader knows enough to do immediately in an emergency situation. He attempted to hide vials of medication and had your security people picking them up off the floor and putting them in bags before calling emergency services. He performed CPR haphazardly and ineffectively. How is it that a cardiologist doesn’t know how to properly resuscitate a patient who is allegedly in cardiac arrest?

He deliberately abandoned his patient to make phone calls while that patient was being intravenously injected with a drug that is patently inappropriate for use outside a hospital setting, without proper and intensive monitoring equipment, and which requires constant eyes and hands-on monitoring by attending medical personnel. To top it all off, he recorded his patient while in a state of altered consciousness. The judge hearing the case was appalled at 17 egregious violations of standard of care.

He was convicted of involuntary manslaughter and it should have been murder. His medical licenses have been suspended in this country. He served two years of the maximum four year sentence for his crimes against you; it was not nearly long enough for taking an irreplaceable life. And now he is writing a book about his self-proclaimed “secret life” with you?  I just don’t understand how it is possible for him to profit from his crime. It makes me ill. I cannot imagine any publishing company publishing a book by this man.

I am having a very strong sense of déjà vu, here. Is it just me or have we been here before? And have you included this publication in your daily prayers and meditations?

Beloved, I have tried … I really have. The problem is: I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO PRAY FOR!

I want to pray for the publication of this book to be stopped, for a cease and desist order to be slapped on its publication, perhaps due to intellectual properly violations or something; but that seems like a negative thing to pray for.

I want to pray that the media which is allowing him prime time in Australia to peddle his pack of lies will cancel their scheduled interviews with him.

I want to pray that the reality show that has invited him to appear as a “celebrity” will cancel his appearance in the UK. It is very indicative of the insanity we are living in when a convicted murderer suddenly becomes a “celebrity” and that only by exploiting the name of the man he murdered.

Yet, all of these things are only temporary solutions to a permanent problem and seem filled with anger and vengeance, which you have warned us against. So, I am at a total loss about what I should pray for.

Yes, I see. Yes, anger and vengeance are not the answer. Do you remember when we began our visualization practice in preparation for the trial of Conrad Murray?

Of course, I remember, Michael. I haven’t completely lost my memory, yet.

You described your feelings very similarly back then. Would you mind putting the relevant part of our discussion back then here? [Reference: Volume 1, Installment 20 – March 19 through 26, 2011]

There, did you feel that … did you feel your body tense and your mind kind of shut down for a second or two? Did you hear the word, “A**hole!” go floating past before you caught yourself?

Yes, of course, I felt it. I try to control those judgments and follow them up with a little prayer, but it is usually too late.

I know … that’s what we’re going to be talking about and why we’re going to be talking about it … that’s why I said you were going to rebel and would need some patience.

You harbor a lot of conflicting feelings regarding this issue … and I don’t blame you for that. I am not judging you … please understand that. It doesn’t matter if it’s right or wrong for you to react that way … what matters is that it is there … and it is hurting you by blocking your achievement of the ‘expanded consciousness’ that you have chosen to experience … and we need to fix it. Right or wrong is a judgment that doesn’t enter into the equation, at all.

What you just felt is the release of stress chemicals that just the mention of the subject evoked … just the words … just the thought … caused a very real physical reaction in your body. And that physical reaction … those stress chemicals … feed more thoughts of anger and resentment and a desire for vengeance … which feeds that release of stress chemicals … which feeds the anger and resentment … and on … and on … and on. It’s a vicious circle that has no breaking point … except at the source … where it all began. In your thought!

That’s why we are going to be talking about the thought process which is creating the conflict and investigating if it helps or hinders you in attaining the higher consciousness we’ve been examining in these conversations.

It seems that you still harbor a lot of conflicting feelings about this issue. From your little rant above, would you agree that is a fair statement?

Yes, I would definitely agree, my beautiful Avatar, that is a fair statement.

It feels to me that there is still a lot of ‘emotional charge’ for you in the issue of Conrad Murray. The same statements apply now as applied then. ‘It doesn’t matter if it’s right or wrong for you to react that way … what matters is that it is there … and it is hurting you by blocking your achievement of the ‘expanded consciousness’ that you have chosen to experience … and we need to fix it. Right or wrong is a judgment that doesn’t enter into the equation, at all.’

Do you remember how we dealt with this issue when we first discussed it?

Yes, my dear one, I remember. [Reference: Volume 1: Installment 25 – April 23 through 30, 2011] We swept out all the negative energies and deceitfulness in the courthouse to prepare the way for truth to enter the proceedings. We visualized all the anger, lies, violence, and resentments swept out of all the nooks and crannies and sucked out of the courthouse so that we could allow “God to enter the room.” And we left the outcome of our visualizations undefined; we prayed for the highest and greatest good of all concerned to result from the proceedings.

Exactly! The same principle applies here. You have used this technique to deal with a lot of issues that have arisen in the intervening years. It has become almost an automatic reaction to conflict in your life.

But, Michael, there is no courthouse to clean up now.


We don’t have a courthouse out of which to sweep all the negative emotions, the lies and deception and anger and resentment.

[Michael laughs.] That doesn’t matter. It’s the same principle. It’s not a physical space we are preparing for LOVE and TRUTH to enter; it is an emotional and spiritual space.

However, if you need a physical space to focus on, build one in your imagination. Give it the dimensions you choose, the location that will be the most inspiring for you.

Beloved, can I do that?

You are so funny! [Michael chuckles again.] Of course, you can do that. Whose visualization is this? Who is writing this script and directing this scene? Why wouldn’t you be able to do that?

Well, I thought I had to keep it real … kind of base it in reality like we did with the courthouse.

No, you don’t have to keep it real. There doesn’t have to be a physical space. Or, if it helps you, you can make one that you label Conrad Murray. There are no hard and fast rules.

What matters is that you surround this situation that is causing you conflict with LOVE and COMPASSION, remove your resistance to what IS so that you can allow the truth and the light to emerge from the situation. By doing this consistently, you will eventually be able to resolve your conflict and your anxiety and find forgiveness for him and for yourself.

Oh! Well, color me dense!

I lost that crayon years ago and I don’t want you feeling guilty about your confusion. It doesn’t help; it just sets you up for more confusion.

All you need to do is surround the situation with love and compassion for yourself and for him so you can release your resistance; open the channel for the removal of deceitfulness and judgment so that truth can be manifest through the situation; and open the door for “God to walk in the room.” Be the peace you want to see in the situation whatever that takes.

If you need to picture a physical space; build it. If you need to visualize a particular location or circumstance, BE there! You are writing the script and directing the action.

God, I love you, Michael.

And I love you, MOST!





This is a reading from Conversations, Volume 1, Installment 37. I have been playing around with making videos. This is my latest experiment. Enjoy!



Ascension 24″ X 30″ Fine oil paints on canvas

Seven years … 84 months … only a heart beat … a mere grain of sand in the ocean of time…

In lieu of being physically on pilgrimage to the sacred spaces of Michael’s life, I have opted this year to bring one of those sacred spaces into my inner life by painting it as I experienced and interpreted a vision I was granted in January, 2012. The painting is appropriately called “Ascension.” To me, it is not a macabre scene; it is a triumphant one.

On a beautiful, warm morning, a distant Star explodes. Shock waves from its immolation saturate galaxies … universes. A supernova of galactic proportions hurls particles of light into infinite space. Unfinished, yet spent, it sacrifices itself in a final discharge of brilliant, blinding glory, its pulses fading and flickering, extinguishing itself upon the altar of Awakening. In loving service, as in life, it offers itself on the pyre of the night … to enlighten.

A heart full to overflowing with love knows that no other option exists. It has no choice but to burst its boundaries in order to expand further; for it requires desperately to grow, to continue to give of itself, to evolve. In its passing, it transforms Universes of pain into avalanches of joy. In the waves unleashed by its explosion, it transcends galaxies of despair in renewed commitment and newly-discovered creativity.

Each tiny shard seeks a resting place – a seedling star, blown by fresh, galactic breezes finds within a human heart a row tilled with sorrow, a mind deep buried in disbelief. Welcoming oblivion, at last, it rests. Watered by infinite oceans of tears, nourished by soil fertilized in Infinite Love, it sprouts in darkness. Yet, it reaches for the light. It can do no other. Unseen, undetected, it sleeps awaiting its perfect time.

In the glory of the Star’s perfect sacrifice, hundreds, if not thousands, of tiny, embryonic stars are born, small, but becoming. In the star’s example of selflessness, dreams of imperfection are exposed, at last, as only dreams, nightmares of limitation lifted at long last. They were never anything more than a mirage, an illusion, a thought, a memory. Revealed in the Star’s blinding rays, recognition comes creeping slowly in minds beginning to unfurl. Those restrictions, as easily changed as we change our raiment to greet a new day, hold no further power.

In the Star’s courage, fear of infinite freedom from illusory bondage vanishes, replaced by the empowerment of revelation. The tiny star-secret seedlings break through the soil of confinement to ascend into new life – infinitely more abundant, eternally seeking the Star’s ever-expanding light.

Within its thoughts, it can begin to imagine a conflicted world, confused in its identity, lost in its ego, transformed. Rejecting thoughts of separation and anxious chaos, the embryo longs for release from a misbegotten, error-driven perception into the ultimate reality of Perfect Union … ineffable … unchangeable … absolute. And compassion is born.

In His Ascension … the tiny, embryonic seedling stars ascend to claim a place within the Star’s ever-present light. Asking only to live in His shadow, each seed offers its gift of life to honor Him.

In Ascension.



June 1 through 10, 2016

 Hello? Anybody home?

Michael? Hi! Gosh it’s good to hear your voice!

Why? Did you think I’d abandoned you? By the way, I am no saint.

Not abandoned exactly; that may be too strong a term to use. More like just “resting,” perhaps. That might be a better word. And you are to me. What is that in reference to?

You’ll see. Patience.

Okay, Baby, patience! I’ve been formatting, proofreading, correcting and revising … proofreading again, correcting again, and revising again for so long; it seems like forever since we talked in any formal way. It feels like I have spent the best part of the months of April and May devoting every waking moment (and more than a few non-waking moments) getting Conversations 3 ready for publication and have thought of little else for two months.

Congratulations! We did it again!

[Jan laughs.] We did, indeed, my Anam Cara. We did, indeed! Do you mind if I ask you a few questions about this process?

No, not at all. What questions?

Well, since completing our third in the Conversations Series, I’ve noticed a couple of things that are kinda curious. There seems to be a pattern taking shape here that is not even remotely being orchestrated by me and I’m wondering about it.

Pattern? What kind of pattern are you talking about?

Well, first of all each of the volumes seems to have been “announced,” if you will, by a visualization or meditation. Second, it appears that I work on getting the publication out and then try to paint a picture of you receiving the book and reading it in a beautiful natural setting. In essence, these paintings are my attempt to recreate the scene (or, at least, the emotion I experienced) from the announcing visualization or meditation in visual form. Third, these publications are evenly spaced every two years (at least, so far) and are usually completed very close to the anniversary of your Ascension.

Prior to the first volume, I had never really even considered publishing our dialogs in print format. However, my beautiful friend in Germany, apparently, had other plans and my gratitude to her is boundless for opening me to this possibility. While the first volume was formatted and compiled by my friend, it was announced by a visualization of you sitting beneath a tree at Neverland with my little dog, Sir Impalot, by your side. It was published in March, 2012. Later I tried to paint that scene as I had envisioned it with somewhat limited success (this was at the very beginning of my exploration of artistic expression in the early summer of 2012) and we talked about that visualization in Volume 2 [reference Installment 54, page 35.]

The second volume was, once again, heralded by a visualization or meditation in which I handed the volume to you as you sat beneath a giant tree with your mismatched ankles crossed [as described in Volume 3, Installment 85, page 17.] This time, Sir Impalot was absent. However, once again, I tried to paint the scene I had envisioned with a little more success. It was published in March, 2014 almost exactly two years after Volume 1.

I began the process of getting Conversations 3 compiled and formatted the first week of April, 2016 after another visualization in Neverland during my afternoon power nap in which you were holding a book, but refused to show it to me because you said, “You haven’t finished it yet,” and you didn’t want to influence me in my choice of cover art. Except for second and third revisions to correct errors, the bulk of the material was ready sometime during the first week of May, 2016.

All of the above implies a “consistency” to which I have never considered myself able to lay any claim.

Yes, well you’ve never considered yourself a lot of things. We are working on refining those definitions according to more current information together. While you have made a few discoveries, there is still a lot to discover, or I should really say, remember.

Oh! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[Michael laughs.] Okay, what are you on about now?

That was another thing I wanted to mention about this process. What you just said triggered or helped me to remember another point of congruency on this topic.

For each of the last two books, I was strongly “moved” in the direction of putting a quote from Dancing the Dream on the back cover. Volume 1 did not have anything on the back cover, but Volume 2 had:

“You and I were never separate
It’s just an illusion
Wrought by the
Magical lens of perception”

And it seems to be, quite coincidentally, of course …

Of course.

[Jan laughs.] … the major theme … or lesson … of nearly all the installments contained within Volume 2, as well as being quoted numerous times within the text.

For Conversations 3, I was drawn to use the following quote on the back cover:

“Do not be afraid
To know who you are
You are much more
Than you ever imagined”

And, once again, the quote seems to summarize the major theme of all the installments contained within.

In addition, the books have arrived on the scene in time to celebrate the 3rd, 5th, and 7th Anniversaries of your Ascension. Now, I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, a numerology adept; but even I know that these numbers bear significance, particularly the 7. I also know that you had a very intimate relationship with the number 7 during your sojourn on Spaceship Earth.

I repeat: I HAVE NOT BEEN PLANNING THESE CORRELATIONS. As a matter of fact, I have just become aware of them in the aftermath of publishing the third in the series. Are you?

[Michael giggles.] Am I planning them? No, but it is interesting that you noticed this pattern in hindsight. What’s even more interesting is that the pattern spoke to you strongly enough for you to remark upon it. Apparently, these correlations, as you call them, have made enough of an impression upon you that you decided to ask me about it. So, I believe they are significant.

However, the fact that there is a Plan is without question, as we have discussed often. And we are all a part of that Plan.

Do you remember our discussions about “vastness?”

Oh, yes, Beloved. In Installment 40 [Volume 1, Page 380], we talked about how the physical manifestation of the one lonely, little note in our Symphony in the Key of Love (the representation in pen and ink on the page) could not be separated from her invisible, implied permutations (the tone or vibration represented by that note on the page in musical notation), even though that tone could not be heard by just looking at the note without considerable knowledge of music.

Furthermore, in Installment 51 [Volume 1, Page 476], we discussed my visit to Foreverland, during which I was introduced to “your library,” witnessing many of the events in your life and projecting myself, for lack of a better word, into milestone moments in your life by viewing them on a little, handheld screen. In that discussion, you said:

But you have overlooked one of the MAJOR lessons of your experience. I want you to close your eyes and remember the experience of holding that little screen in your hands and placing those ear buds in your ears. You watched my life unfold, didn’t you?

… That’s a very good analogy for what you are doing right now … you are living a human experience … a movie … a play … a fantasy that you have created so that you could experience some aspect or facet of life in more depth and with greater understanding. This life that you are living is a role that you have dreamed up … an illusion that you directed before you arrived here in this particular physical manifestation. The parameters by which you experience this life are changeable; all you need to do is change them.

In truth, you are sitting safely in a comfortable chair in ‘my library’ and you have projected yourself into this life, but not all of you is encased within your physical body. What is not required for your physical experience is here with me comfortably watching your life unfold in perfect safety and projecting yourself into the events and moments of this particular physical manifestation. And as the events unfold, the experiences are absorbed, enhancing and intensifying the colors of your energy field as you apply meaning … or validity … or value … to each of them as they progress.

You are perfectly safe and protected and nothing can harm you. You are invulnerable … invincible. The safety and security you felt in your wakefulness at the beginning of your experience is the truth. The illusion in which you are engaged is just that … an illusion … but, a useful one.

Yes, that’s the part to which I am referring. As human beings, you think of yourselves as small, limited, and insignificant. If you could shift your perception just a little bit, you could perceive yourself as a spiritual being engaged in a human experiment and from that vantage point realize your vastness.

It’s kinda like what you do when you go to a movie theater to watch a film. You shift your perception from and release your grip on your reality, projecting yourself into the action taking place on the screen for a couple of hours. It’s a tiny shift aided by your senses of sight and hearing, and because it doesn’t involve your other senses, it is somewhat imperfect. Sometimes, you cry if the action depicted is sad; sometimes you howl with laughter; sometimes your adrenalin is raised if the action is fearful.

However, in everyday life, that shift in perception appears to be more difficult. When you view a movie at home, you are still linked to your reality because you are still involved in all the everyday tasks and you don’t suspend your belief in reality to the extent you do when you are sitting in a darkened theater entirely surrounded by the movie.

Like the caterpillar for whom sky-viewing is an impossible feat and the butterfly’s flight beyond its wildest imaginings, you don’t commonly consider the metamorphosis that awaits you if you just shift your perception a little bit.

The part of you that is not needed in this particular scene of the movie you are directing with your thoughts and the choices you make in regard to them is still very much YOU, just as YOU are very much it.

That “vastness” that you are unaware of is watching and very much involved in the movie … and may be sending you little nudges occasionally to which you are free to respond or ignore completely, depending on how “tuned in” you are to those promptings. What’s more, you can become much more happily acquainted with it by “tuning into” your spiritual nature on a regular basis.

While you say, “I HAVE NOT BEEN PLANNING THESE CORRELATIONS,” it is your human aspect to which you are referring – the conscious one – the one that sees itself as small, limited, and insignificant.

Would it shock you to consider for a moment that, perhaps, these correlations are being orchestrated from your “vastness” which is sitting in “my library” and projecting a part of itself into the physical manifestation you are currently living? As we discussed in those previous dialogs, the lonely, little note is not separate from the tone she represents. They are ONE whether being played by a master musician or silently sitting on a podium as an ink blot in a giant book called The Symphony in the Key of Love.

Maybe, these correlations, as you call them, are part of the agreement you made prior to embarking on this journey, part of the script you wrote for your physical experiment so that you could remember, tune into, and experience some aspect of your divinity more fully.

Would that make you uncomfortable?

No, not really. It’s just not the way I normally think.

I know, but we are engaged in thinking in new ways, in trying new ways of experiencing who you really are. We are bringing this whole idea of spiritual awareness out of the dark and shining the brilliant light of conscious awareness into it to make it more a part of your everyday life. I am not saying that this is definitely what is happening; I am just mentioning it as a possibility in the field of all possibilities.

I do know what agreements we have made … you and I … all of you and I … together … and the mission that our Symphony in the Key of Love has agreed to accomplish.

I so enjoy these discussions with you, my wise teacher. You always have a fresh and different point of view – usually one that makes me consider things from an entirely new and more expansive angle.

Along the same vein, I have recently read an alternate, more scientific, albeit less poetic explanation of that train that hit me on October 1, 1992 in a book called The Synchronicity Key: The Hidden Intelligence Guiding the Universe and You” by David Wilcock, which I wanted to talk to you about.

While I am finding several sections of this book very interesting, and very much in line with what we have discussed in these Conversations, there are other sections that deviate considerably from our dialogs. Therefore, I am hesitant to recommend it, wholeheartedly. Some of what he writes is pretty “out there.”

[Michael laughs.] More “out there” than having regular discussions with a “dead” man?

Oh, yeah, my Sweet King, this guy’s got me beat from the starting gate in the “out there” department. Compared to Mr. Wilcock, I am conservative. [Jan laughs.] I never thought of myself as conservative.

No, conservative doesn’t quite apply in your case.

Thanks … uh … I think.

Anyway, in one chapter entitled “Mapping Out the Afterlife,” Mr. Wilcock discusses Dr. Michael Newton’s research on past life regression over several decades, as published in his two books, Destiny of Souls and Journey of Souls, both of which I have copies of in my library.

One of the concepts Dr. Newton discusses is the concept of a “memory trigger.” My understanding of the concept is similar to the example earlier in this conversation, in which your words helped me to remember something I wanted to talk to you about.

Dr. Newton concludes from his research that members of “soul groups” and “soul families” often decide to enter the physical realm together in order to work out previously accrued consequences, redeem previous choices that did not contribute to advancement, or to support each other in completing important assignments.

According to Dr. Newton, when this occurs, there are agreements made between the members of the “soul group” or “soul family.” The memory of the agreement is “triggered” by a specific event, circumstance, or situation in each member’s physical life (to which each has agreed before entering the physical realm) that initiates an almost instantaneous, life-altering recognition of purpose for each of the members involved.

The impact of these “triggers” (at least as described by Dr. Newton) is similar in scope to what I experienced on the evening of October 1, 1992 when I viewed your performance of Will You Be There. There was a “before” me … and there was an “after” me. There is a definite dividing point at the moment I viewed that performance.

You mean you were sane before? [Michael chuckles.]

No, Baby, I don’t think I’ve ever been sane … more like a different kind of crazy.

I’m sorry. I shouldn’t tease you. I was teased way too much during the physical side of my life.

Honey, you can tease me anytime you like. I love you … and I know you love me MORE.

Very good! You are gaining confidence! I am loving it! You beat me to it! And I love you MOST!

But, yes, we talked about “soul groups” and “soul families” in an earlier discussion. And, yes, I agree with you that this memory trigger thing could be another way of describing our moment of recognition.

However, there ya go again, trying to explain the unexplainable – something that can only be validated by experiencing it fully and completely. Just relax and let the MAGIC of that moment sweep you into my arms.

Well, I have to say: I like our Symphony in the Key of Love analogy much better. It is such a clear audio, visual and teaching aide. And you state it so beautifully.


Now, in other news, I am becoming increasingly concerned as I watch from a distance about the upcoming elections to be held in November.

Oh? Why is that?

Well, some of the campaign rhetoric that I am hearing is raising major alarms within me. It reminds me so much of the kind of rhetoric that Hitler used to stabilize his power in Germany in the 1940s. It is MAJORLY disconcerting to hear this type of neo-Nazism being spouted in the United States of America in Presidential campaign speeches!

Several of the candidates are using very divisive platforms in their campaigns. Barack Obama campaigned on a platform that brought all of the different factions in the United States into a sense of community (i.e. “We are one country! We are one people! And our time for change has come!)

In contrast, several of the Presidential candidates are campaigning on platforms of increasing the separation and emphasizing the divisions between us. One of them has even recommended building a wall (which reminds me of the Berlin wall) on the border with Mexico and returning all Mexican immigrants to the other side of it, dehumanizing and alienating them in a similar manner to the way Nazism dehumanized Germany’s Jewish population … and you were dehumanized for a major portion of your life by the media.  The same candidate is doing the same thing with Muslim immigrants.

What concerns me even more is that this particular candidate has a very militant following which turns violent on occasion, necessitating police vigilance. I am becoming very concerned about the future of the United States.

However, I have recently read a blog entry entitled, Why Donald Trump is the Best Thing to Ever Happen to America, by Danielle Egnew [https://calltolight.org] which so caught my attention because it echoed one of our earlier Conversations very unerringly.

I am referring to Installment 75 [Volume 2, Page 376] during which we were discussing the import of the AEG Wrongful Death Suit, in which you said:

You know, this trial is not just about money; it goes much, much further than that. What is this trial really about? Is it just about money … or is it an attempt to discover the truth? Is it about fixing ‘blame’ … or is it about deciding where corporate ‘responsibility’ ends and human ‘responsibility’ begins? When seen from a larger perspective, it’s not about me, at all, even though every newspaper in the world will be calling it the Michael Jackson Wrongful Death trial. I’m just a ‘bit player’ … ‘an extra’ … a ‘walk-on.’ What’s really at stake here?

When seen through a broader lens, this trial goes to the very heart and soul of humanity … the very foundation of our society. It goes to our FOCUS … as individuals and as a collective on this planet. What is our current cultural ‘agreement,’ the one to which we are all subject?

What do you mean?

Well, here, let me give you a ‘for instance.’ Once during an interview with Barbara Walters, she asked me, “Is it a journalist’s job to be kind?” I was stunned speechless at the question. I was always taught … and believe from the bottom of my heart … it’s EVERYONE’S JOB TO BE KIND … from President’s of Fortune 500 corporations to street people and everyone in between. Do you agree with that statement?


Is that ideal being lived every day in big cities and small towns across this country? Is it that concept with which our nations are governed … our religions are practiced … our children are educated? Is that our society’s normal?

Um, no, Beloved. While those are the precepts still being taught from every pulpit in the country, I’m afraid that outside of the church and Sunday school setting they don’t hold a whole lot of weight. It seems that the ideals and values that we all grew up with have been superseded by expediency.

Exactly! It used to be that certain questions … and behaviors … were not discussed openly in public out of respect for something called ‘common decency’ and the right to an individual’s privacy. In this sense, the word ‘common’ was meant to convey that this was a universally-agreed-upon value and its definition, while not written in law, was still a binding contract (similar to the meaning of the same word when used in the term ‘common law marriage’.) This was the ‘cultural agreement’ by which our society was run and there was no ambiguity about the meaning of the phrase ‘common decency’ because everyone from the President of the local bank to the janitor at the school agreed to its meaning. Is that standard still applied in our advanced society?

No, Michael … a cursory review of your life as well as recent news stories would tend to indicate otherwise.


You and I must make a pact.
We must bring salvation back.
Where there is love
I’ll Be There 

This is what I was doing here on earth. This was my mission – to remind everyone that we are all one … that what hurts one hurts all … that we are one big family of love.

It’s everyone’s job to be kind.
It’s everyone’s job to be concerned about the poor.
It’s everyone’s job to nurture our children.
It’s everyone’s job to be protective of the planet.
It’s everyone’s job to lift up the downtrodden.
It’s everyone’s job to encourage us all to make our dreams come true.
It’s everyone’s job to heal the world.
We are all in this together. 

The culture in which we currently live is a culture based on “me, me, me” … on greed, selfishness, narcissism, racism, acquisition, power, and in this culture ‘the end justifies the means.’

“If it advances my career, there are no holds barred. If it makes millions of dollars, sells millions of papers, makes millions of headlines … why should it matter if it destroys a person’s life? That’s not my job. It’s not my responsibility. Human life is not my concern. I’m in business to make money. That’s all that matters. Let someone else be goody-goody-two-shoes. I’m gonna get mine while I can!”

Even truth is an expendable commodity in favor of sensationalism and is bought and sold on the auction block with multiple-zero-paychecks. The tabloid industry admitted this in 1994. You watched it back then; you heard their admission; you have it on videotape. Would you put that quote here?

Of course, Mon Ange, I’d be happy to:

“It doesn’t matter if it’s true as long as we can PAY someone enough to SAY it’s true.”

[Frontline Special, PBS, February, 1994, Tabloid Truth: The Michael Jackson Scandal]

Mon Ange? Woohooo! I love it! You’re going cosmo on me! [Michael laughs.]

That’s the one. Thanks. In our current culture, success is measured by the level of our acquisition instead of the truth and pleasure and joy we bring to our work or the good we do in the process.

This is true not only of the publishing industry but of all industry … the entertainment industry, government, education and, even, religion. Just as all the events in my life, this trial, whatever other results arise, will show the lengths to which a corporate entity will go to acquire money, position and power. It will offer each and every person who is paying attention an opportunity to align themselves (or agree) with the concepts upon which this society is currently founded at the expense of truth, justice, kindness, human rights, decency or the welfare of the planet upon which we all depend for our survival … or to choose a kinder, more humane, more respectful of human dignity, more responsible, more productive, more balanced … and, in the long run, more profitable way to live our lives.

The outcome of this trial is really immaterial. Whichever side wins … and whichever side loses … what’s important is the answer to the question, “how do you want to align your focus and intention?”

What kind of world do you want to live in? Do you want to continue to live in a world where a lie results in fifteen minutes of fame, a booking on a national television program and a few dollars? Is it okay to invade a person’s privacy as long as you get the story first? Is it acceptable to chase a car to get a few pictures even if it results in the deaths of the car’s occupants? Is it all right to stand outside a mangled vehicle and snap pictures of a dying woman rather than trying to help her? Can we continue to consume natural resources without reaping the consequences of our shortsightedness? Should we invade another sovereign country to prevent them from striking against us first, even if we have … and can find … no proof that they ever intended to strike us first?

Where is the line drawn between acceptable and unacceptable that we can all agree to?

These are the kinds of questions that will be raised during this trial. Our responses to them will determine the way our world will go for the next several years. This is not just about me and the O2 concerts. It’s much bigger than that. The stakes are much, much higher and far longer-lasting.

This country was founded on the principles that all are created equal … that all have inalienable rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness … that all have the right to privacy … that all are presumed to be innocent unless and until they are convicted of a crime by a jury of their peers. These are ideals that are instilled in our children in schools across this nation, but the examples they see from the adults around them differ greatly from the principles they are being taught. Children are not stupid and it’s important to realize that they learn much more from our example than by any words we speak.

Am I my brother’s keeper? My answer is “yes” … and I tried, always, to live my life by those values and ideals as much as I was humanly able. I learned that from my mother, the same mother who has filed this lawsuit.

AEG’s answer is “No, we’re not responsible for anyone’s health. We promote concerts. This is business. The aim of all business is profit. There’s nothing wrong with that. We’ve done our job. If he died, it’s not our fault. It’s his fault.” And they will do everything they can to prove that … lie, cheat, bribe, threaten … because the “end justifies the means.” As long as they walk away with their assets intact, they don’t care about anything else. Is that the world you want to live in? Does the end justify the means?

Those are the questions that will be asked … not out loud by the judge or lawyers … the jurors will not be asked to rule on the question … much more quietly and with more subtlety … in hearts and minds and souls that have been awakened. More importantly, what’s your answer? Think about it.

Yes, I remember.

Well, in her blog entry, Ms. Egnew makes a very similar point. She posits that Mr. Trump is on the election circuit in order to wake us all up (albeit unconsciously) to the fact that our country has, in recent years, not lived up to its promise.

“Trump gives a name, a face, a resume and a strangely-fitting suit to the ugly stepchild of American Consciousness: Bigotry, fear of change — and the hatred that is born from resentfully stewing these ingredients in repressed silence.”

She states that he “exemplifies everything about America that we pretend does not exist” and that he is “the greatest reality check the Universe could have ever sent to the insulated and naive consciousness running within the USA’s borders.”

“He embodies the bully, the fear of everything outside of our back yard, the deep paranoia associated with the reality that being Caucasian is no longer a free pass for any type of behavior, the crippling resentment and jealousy against women for being the life-bringers, the corporation who buys cheap Chinese steel to erect superstructures on USA soil while sending jobs overseas for dimes on the dollar.

“With this blatant ugliness in the spotlight, showcased by tens of thousands of people, encapsulated brilliantly by a show-stopping performance by Donald Trump, we all have the opportunity to decide who we wish to be, as participants in this conscious growth journey.

“Are we the onlookers who say nothing because we fear the wrath of the mob? Do we step away from the consciousness that fans the flames of divisiveness and work together to help place balm on our fears — by discussing them?

Basically, Ms. Egnew is restating your entire premise in Installment #75.

Yes, it’s another opportunity to stand up and be counted, another opportunity to choose a Master, another choice point. Where do you focus your energy? Do you choose fear or love, division or community? Where do you stand? What kind of world do you want to inhabit?

It seems that these opportunities are manifesting at an accelerated rate, which should give major emphasis to the point we have made several times in these dialogs. This time in history represents a major crossroad in consciousness on planet Earth.

The Awakening of an entire planet is an exciting prospect, but it will not be accomplished without some uneasiness. Just keep focusing on opening the world’s leaders, youth, religious clerics, media representatives, and educators with compassion and love with our Change the World daily topics and we will contribute to less disruption and more rapid advancement. We got this!

You are so inspiring, My Love. In the words of Howard Bloom in an interview conducted in 2015 entitled: Howard Bloom Saves the Universe from Michael Jackson Ignorance and posted on his website, you are the “closest thing to a saint” he had ever encountered. And I love you.

Okay, how did you do that?

Hee hee hee … trade secret. I love you MOST!

We have come full circle!

April 22 through 27, 2016

Revised cover

Conversations 3 Available NOW at http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/withachildsheart

Michael, my Anam Cara, I think I’m having some kind of epiphany, but I’m not totally sure what kind. Will you help me figure this thing out?

Of course, I will help you. That’s what an Anam Cara is for, isn’t it? You don’t have to go through these things alone.

Another day has gone
I’m still all alone
How could this be
That you’re not here with me
You never said goodbye
Someone tell me why
Did you have to go
And leave my world so cold

Just the other night
I thought I heard you cry
Asking me to come
And hold you in my arms
I can hear your prayers
Your burdens I will bear
But first I need your hand
Then forever can begin

You are not alone
For I am here with you
‘Tho you’re far away
I am here to stay
You are not alone
I am here with you
‘Tho we’re far apart
You’re always in my heart ♫ 

Do you want to tell me about it?

Yes, I really do. Let’s see, how do I start this? Do you remember our earlier discussions about how you were always two different Michaels? There was the shy, childlike, soft-spoken Michael and there was the … how did you put it? Let me go and get it: [Reference: Volume 1, Installment 11]

I can’t ever remember not feeling that way. At least two … sometimes more … depending on the circumstances I was facing. Most of you know that there were really always two Michael Jacksons. There was the shy, easily embarrassed, childlike Michael Jackson who would have been happy to play with the children and give them every cent he had to heal their hurts and sadness … who could have been content reading in a comfortable chair for days if the subject was engaging … who enjoyed nothing more than sending paper airplanes and hotel linen sailing out of windows with love notes written on them. Then, there was the dancing, singing, powerhouse Michael Jackson who was happiest performing in front of a hundred thousand people at the ‘are you nuts’ level … who was a workaholic and totally devoted to 100% perfect execution … who oozed physical confidence and was nothing if not attitude … and whose energy was way bigger than his body could contain. Which one was real?

Both! They were both real! Neither one was staged or calculated or contrived. They were complete opposites, but they were both genuine and they lived in the same body all the time. So, I know exactly what you mean. “And the pain is thunder.” [Michael sings this.] There were times when I thought that I would be torn apart by the duality that lived within me. I was contradiction personified … yin and yang … male and female … white and black … passive and aggressive … hot and cold … day and night. There were lots of times when there wasn’t room for all of that within my frame.

I was quiet and passive and a little baffled by all the pandemonium surrounding me until I hit the wings of the stage and the band started tuning up. Then … and, somehow it never failed … something hit me and just took over completely. I remember so well … because I loved the feeling so much. You described my impact on you when we first met … or should I say our souls first touched … as being hit by a train. That’s what it was like … like being hit by a train. The vibration would rise from my calves to my thighs … like an earthquake trembling along a fault line … through the center of my body. It tingled up my spine and neck and out my arms and legs … like little, tiny, microscopic men in spiked helmets and boots jumping up and down in my veins [Michael giggles.] … and I just couldn’t hold still. It was like being filled with white lightning … bolt after bolt … wave after wave. It was awesome! I loved it so much.

I was drunk with the power of it. There is no drug on earth that could compare to the high I got from just peaking around the curtains and listening to the band getting ready … and all those people calling out to me … Michael … Michael … and holding hands high in the air and swaying with the recorded music floating on the air … and doing the wave in the stands. It was so moving … emotionally and physically energizing … like I was pulsing with all of your heartbeats … and I felt so much love radiating from you all. My life was so rich because of all of you. And I have to thank you all again … without you I couldn’t have been me! I had to physically hold myself back for the right moment … lock my excitement in like a boiling teapot that sits on a stove whistling louder and louder as the steam fills the water compartment with each moment that passed as I watched and revved up for the performance. I would look out and … just trust … knowing that whatever was using me to communicate to all those people waiting for me was good … and right … and true … and loving. I would whisper, “Thank you for touching each and every one of them with your love,” just before I exploded out of the toaster … or kicked open the door of the landing module.

Then … and really for the next two hours … I just got ‘me’ … the quiet, passive, shy, childlike Michael Jackson …  out of the way and let that force that was using me … the assured, physically confident, attitude-filled Michael Jackson … combust in me … and through me and out of me … and into all of you! It was such an emotionally-moving experience that I often couldn’t control my emotions. I couldn’t have stopped it any more than I could stop the earth orbiting the sun … or the sun from breaking through the clouds after a rainfall at Neverland.

Now, I know it was Music  (as in the Female aspect of God) taking over … putting Herself in the driver’s seat … and using my body to broadcast Her message of love and unity and healing through Her own expression of Herself … through me. So many nights, I would return to my hotel room physically exhausted and emotionally drained … but wired and vibrating … and hypersensitive to your emotions as you stood chanting outside my hotels with the force of the transmission, for lack of a better word … and try to unwind … and all the while the thought was running through my head over and over … “What just happened here? What just happened here?”  It was like I was channeling the music … and awakened after it was over totally unaware of what had just occurred.

That’s one of the reasons I started documenting the concerts with videotape … so that I could understand what I had been part of … a catalyst for … because I honestly didn’t remember. And on my off nights, I would rewind the tapes and watch and try to reconcile the person who was striding with so much assurance across the stage … with so much physical confidence and attitude … with the person I knew myself to be … and laugh a little … because I wondered how many of those people would have been screaming and running after the Michael Jackson I knew myself to be, if that makes any sense at all.

When I was younger, I didn’t understand what was happening to me. I just knew it felt incredible to be there with my brothers. I tried to talk to them about what I was feeling, but they didn’t understand. They didn’t experience that ‘possession’ by the music in the same way I did. It wasn’t that they didn’t love performing, but it was a different experience for them … and for almost every other performer that I ever talked to … than it was for me.

I always knew there were two of me … and that thought contributed to my feelings of being alienated from what I used to call “ordinary” people … and my insecurity about being loved for myself and not just as Michael Jackson, the superstar. I wondered how many of you would have still loved me if you saw how ordinary I really was … and how simply I really lived away from the spotlight. The two ‘Michael Jacksons’ were so completely opposite.

Yes, I remember. I think children are more open to the world of spirit. And I was so young when we started out. As I got older, I never lost that openness and it seemed, at times, like an entire world of opposites was unified in me.

Yes, I believe that is true. In living your life, you showed us that it doesn’t matter if “you’re black or white,” that what we perceive of as opposites do not have to be in conflict. In these Conversations, you have shown us that we don’t have to choose either/or when both/and will do just as well.

I was thinking about what I have been experiencing in the past few days since nearing the completion of a major project and comparing my perceptions with those you described in this passage of Installment 11.  I think they correlate. I mean, I think I’m experiencing just the tiniest fraction of something similar in my own life. Believe me, I do know the intensity of it was magnified in your case by a factor of about a million to one, but I am feeling a little tiny bit of that feeling myself in relation to some of my activities and readings.

Really? That wouldn’t surprise me. Do you want to talk about it?

Yes, please!

Well, from the very beginning in 2010, these Conversations with you have been a major highlight in my life. When involved in co-composing them, I feel led, guided, moved along by an energy or force that does not originate totally within me. I compare this to your description of standing at the side of the stage and feeling that “energy” taking you over and dancing you into exhaustion that you described so movingly in the passage above.

Then, when each one is finished and posted at With a Child’s Heart, there is a period of adjustment, a feeling of “let down,” a sense of “Okay, that’s done, what am I going to do with myself now?” I compare this feeling with you returning to your hotel room and asking, “What just happened here?”

I’ve described it as a crash (when I’ve spoken about it to anyone, at all) … kind of like an airplane that is carried along by air currents during flight and comes in for a choppy landing or a surfer riding the tide and, then, hitting the beach and ending up ass over appetite in the sand.

[Michael chuckles.]

I have been experiencing this “crash” as a result of completing each one of these Conversations (which is going on 6 years now) in varying degrees and intensities. One of them, occasionally, will really kick my butt, while others just result in a hollowed out feeling in the pit of my stomach for a couple of days or a feeling of fatigue, of being drained. But I also experience this “crash” when I have completed an art project, or any of the activities with which I am currently engaged.

Did you ever feel that?

Yes, of course! [Michael laughs.] All the time. It’s kinda like a return to normal, waking consciousness after riding the wave of inspiration for a while. I experienced that after every project I undertook, after every performance and tour and film.

All artists experience this feeling of “let down.”

But, I keep forgetting! You don’t consider yourself an artist, right?

Yes, that is correct. I have trouble with the concept. I’ve never thought of myself as an artist.

Then, you need to think a different thought. Let’s try something new.

I think I know what the problem is; it’s in your definition of the word art. You define art as an accomplishment rather than as a process. As a result, you define an artist by a natural “gift” he or she has been given to achieve that accomplishment. Not only that, you think you were out to lunch when God was giving out natural gifts. So, art to you is a product … a Michelangelo or a Monet or a DaVinci.

And you … don’t forget you.

Okay … and me.

One of the major problems with this definition of art is that you end up comparing your product with Michelangelo’s or Monet’s or DaVinci’s or any of the other artists out there and, in your assessment, your product just doesn’t measure up. So, you judge it as “inadequate” or “not really art” because you’re just “playing around.”You aren’t “playing around.” You are learning how to express something in another language.

The thing is: Art is not just the product of the imagination of the artist, the result of the artist’s process. That is what he or she produces as a consequence of the process.

Art is the journey, not the destination. Art is the process of allowing yourself to be open to an initial inspiration. And I want you to read that word as in-spirit-tation because that’s what’s happening. It’s the state of being inhabited by spirit.

The thing about spirit is: It’s one and only desire is to create! It wants to give of itself, to express itself in creation because it is Pure, Unadulterated Love. This is its Prime Directive, its urgent need. And you have experienced that urgency for a while, now.

So, art is experiencing that inspiration; becoming curious about how it might be developed; getting out of the way to allow inspiration to express or manifest itself through you; hours of practice, learning and experimenting to convey inspiration in your chosen medium in the best and clearest way possible;, and, of course, pouring all your love and devotion and all of  spirit’s love and devotion through the medium you have chosen which, then, results in the product.

It’s not just the last part; it’s the entire process.

Here, this might help. Do you remember when we spoke about the BAD concert tour?

Yes, I remember.

Will you put the part about all of us joining together in the spirit of love here?

But you have to understand … it wasn’t just me that got seduced … it wasn’t exclusive to one person. What fun would that be? It was a shared experience and all of us contributed to it. We all got taken over … all the dancers and back-up singers and band members … all the road crew and technical people … all the members of the audience in the stadiums and all the people watching at home on their television sets. That’s what the months and months of rehearsals were all about … encouraging each and every one to give their very best to this shared sacrament of union. And when the band and singers and crew and technical people and I were all bonded in our love of the music and the audience and as close to perfection as we could possibly be, we connected in that spirit and it moved through everyone in the countless stadiums we played. [Reference: Volume 1, Installment 46.]

That’s what I’m talking about. In this example, it was months and months of preparation to get everyone on the same page. It was endless hours of rehearsals to perfect the synchronization of hundreds of people, really … not just me. You have to love what you’re doing to devote yourself to it to the exclusion of all else month after month, day after day, hour after hour.

An artist is not defined just by the natural gifts displayed in his product. Those natural gifts do help him or her; but natural gifts, if unused, don’t really constitute art. As you said in an earlier dialog, “It’s what one does with those gifts” that counts. They are only fully realized with practice; they develop with experimentation, and they ripen through a willingness to be vulnerable, to make mistakes, and to experiment to find the best expression of which the artist is capable.

I was given the gift of music, that is true; but I practiced it, used it, rehearsed it and the gift evolved, becoming much more than when it started out.

It’s like that story in the Bible of the Master who gave three of his servants some of his money. The first invested it and doubled the return. The second invested it in a less profitable venture; but still received a return on his investment. The third buried it in the ground in fear that he would lose it and returned to the master only what he had been given. The master was pleased with the two who had used the gift he had given them, but was unhappy with the third because he had not made use of the gift he had been given through fear.

Do you remember the fortune cookie you got in that Chinese restaurant? It was one of your introductions to this Love Dimension we inhabit.

Oh my gosh, yes! That was an electrifying occurrence. It read, “Do not let doubt and suspicion bar your progress,” when I was letting doubt and suspicion bar my progress. I was arguing myself out of writing my first book. That seems like a long time ago, now … 1992? … 1993?

There ya go! An artist is defined by her willingness to surrender to the inspiration, to be curious and to see what works for her and what doesn’t, to release control and allow spirit to express in, through, and AS her.

What was that quote from Pablo Picasso you cited a couple of Conversations ago?

Oh, I remember: “Creativity is the freedom to allow yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.”

Yes, exactly! It’s allowing yourself to be inhabited by spirit, to be imperfect, to experiment, to evolve. Michelangelo practiced his art; it matured over time. He allowed the inspiration to inform his art until he arrived at the end product. It doesn’t happen overnight. The same is true of any artist.

We can’t all be Michelangelos or Monets; but we CAN all let spirit express through us in our own unique ways.

Writing is art when inhabited by spirit. Music is art when inhabited by spirit. Dancing is art when inhabited by spirit. Poetry, woodworking, auto mechanics, sculpture, office work, sales, cooking, cleaning, being the CEO of a corporation, or cleaning toilets in public restrooms … shoot … working at McDonald’s is art when inspired by the spirit of being of service.

A health care service provider who greets her hospice patient with compassion and in a spirit of being of service to him is living artfully. Living is art when it is inspired by a spirit of love and being of service.

Now, let me ask you a question. What drives you to spend hours and hours participating in these Conversations with me? Are you in it for fame or financial gain or personal power? Or is your mission to serve my mission, to allow my voice to be heard, and to bless those who read them?

My only desire is to serve your mission, to allow your voice to be heard thereby continuing the blessings you bestowed upon the world during your physical manifestation, my Dear One. You know that.

Yes, I do know that. By that definition, are you an artist?

Yes, my Anam Cara. By that definition, I am an artist.

There ya go!

It is that willingness to surrender to inspiration that has defined these Conversations from the very beginning. Your eagerness to allow inspiration to flow through you has informed your learning to draw and paint, these Conversations, your experimentation with poetry, and all your activities since your retirement and even before you retired. Therefore, you are an artist; but let’s get back to our original topic.

The energy of inspiration moves you along, fairly urgently sometimes, and when it stops … well … it stops! It’s like a sailboat on the ocean on a very windy day. It speeds along until, suddenly, the wind stops. The sails no longer billow with the wind; the ship is becalmed; there is no forward momentum.

When you step into the flow of that energy, you surrender to it and the momentum of it carries you forward with no effort on your part. In fact, you find that effort on your part diminishes it. We’ve discussed this a lot in recent dialogs.

Sometimes, it comes to a gentle halt like when you are downshifting as you approach a stop sign or drifting to a stop when approaching the dock in a boat; but sometimes when that energy stops, it’s like being thrown through the windshield of the car (figuratively, anyway.) [Michael laughs.]

As I’ve said before, there is no high like that in the world. No earthly drug known to man can even come close to the feeling of euphoria that surrendering to an inspiration produces. It’s natural intoxication and before you know it, you are over the limit. When it ends, there is a period of withdrawal … of disorientation, of wanting it back … so crash is a good word to use.

Do you have any idea how blessed you are to be able to nurture yourself through those lulls? You can take a break; give your body the rest it requires. Because being tuned into that energy 24/7 is hard on you. It would burn your body out! Aaaaoooowww!

2000 watts
8 ohms
200 volts
Real strong
Too much of that
Fuse blown
Be careful what you say
Don’t overload ♫

A wave comes into the shore and deposits silt and seaweed on the sand. Then, it retreats to build up strength and purpose before rushing toward the shore again. In the silt and seaweed it deposits on the sand, it nourishes the earth.

Your body breathes in, inflating your diaphragm and lungs with oxygen and circulating that nourishment to all the cells in your body. Then it exhales, emptying the carbon dioxide it has picked up from your cells into the atmosphere before inhaling again. The carbon dioxide nourishes the atmosphere into which it is exhaled.

Mountains push up from valley floors, but the valley floor is just as important as the mountain peak.

Those valleys you experience are required pauses to allow yourself to rest and reflect. I was unable to turn it off because of all my physical limitations which we have discussed in detail before. So, be compassionate with yourself and be grateful for those “periods of adjustment.” They are a blessing.

Yes, I’m beginning to understand that. My recent readings have described this period of adjustment I have been experiencing as a prominent feature of walking the “Spiritual Path.” In your friend, Deepak Chopra’s book, The Third Jesus: The Christ We Cannot Ignore, it is called the “Aftermath,” which occurs after an experience of spiritual awakening. I mean I don’t want to equate my experiences in art with the path to enlightenment, but …

Why not? They are related. As I told Oprah:

I’m committed to my art.

I believe that all art has as its ultimate goal
the union of the material and the spiritual,
the human and the divine,
I believe that to be the reason
for the very existence of art.

What is the goal of the walking the “Spiritual Path?”

Union with God?

Seems like the same as the goal of art, doesn’t it? [Michael laughs.] At least they are kissing cousins of the same creative intent. Actually, to get really serious, that’s the goal of all life, isn’t it?

Yes, indeed it is.

Last Thursday, the 21st, I completed a fairly large project and Friday, the 22nd, was a full moon. From Thursday through the first of this week, there was a definite feeling of euphoria, which I believe was heightened by absolutely glorious weather and a full moon that was just breathtaking. However, today I have begun the downward slide of “Aftermath.”

And the lull has you worried. I understand. Don’t let doubt or the fear that inspiration won’t return to carry you along in its wake enter your consciousness. If that thought enters your mind, let it go. Let it float past the window of your awareness like a balloon filled with helium or a cloud floating aimlessly in a blue sky.

The thing to remember is this: the wave always returns to kiss the sand; the wind always returns to billow the sails; the breath always returns to nourish your body (until it doesn’t, of course); and the valley floor always gives rise to the mountain peak.

The trick is to remember to ride ALL of the wave, the fullness and the curls gracefully, confident that the crest will return in the never ending cycle of life and grateful for the rests in between to replenish your soul. Then, you will be ready to ride the wave again.