These conversations have been a major hit on this site and have taken a good deal of my time in the last several weeks, so I decided to make them a regular post rather than giving them a separate page. Installments 1 and 2 of these conversations are still up on the Conversations page for those who want to return to them for inspiration or to refresh their memories before reading Installment 3 below. This will enable those who wish to comment to do so more easily.
Week of November 18, 2010 through November 25, 2010
Beloved, I have to ask you this question. What was it about childhood that so fascinated you during your life with us? I mean, I know that you missed out on much of it because you were so busy learning and perfecting your craft, but many of us experienced a stunted childhood (for whatever reason) and were not fixated so thoroughly on it. Why were you so invested in childhood?
Because childhood is so misunderstood and mistreated in our world today. The human race needs to understand it more clearly before it destroys itself through its lack of understanding. Let me see if I can explain.
First of all, childhood is not a time of life that passes within a couple of decades … it is a state of mind that lingers and influences the entirety of life … like happiness or heaven.
Most of us think that happiness happens to us from the outside rather than something we produce within ourselves. We think that if we just had enough money or enough fame or enough clothes or a better car or the perfect vacation or enough acclaim we would be happy!
I’m here to tell you that this is not true! Look at the extraordinary life I led. I had all the fame any human being could ever want; it was a blessing because I was able to help people on a grand, global scale … and a curse because it made me a target for those who wanted it but didn’t have it … at the same time. I had more money than God, basically; again, it was a major blessing for the same reason … because I was able to share it to produce something better for people that didn’t have enough … but it carried its own curse also for the same reason … it made me a target for those who didn’t have it. My clothes were hand made for me by Bush and Thompson; how much more individual can you get? I traveled around the world eight different times and visited places that many people don’t even know exist.
Happiness is not having or doing … happiness is being … and can be experienced by choosing to be happy and grateful for your blessings in every moment … acknowledging and being grateful for your life and all its wonders is the key.
Many think that heaven is a different place … that when we die, we leave this beautiful planet, Earth, and float into someplace else on another planet or another plane so they get by day-to-day anticipating that ideal existence that they will experience after death … rather than creating heaven right here and right now. We’ve been taught that we were kicked out of the Garden of Eden. Wrong! We never left! We just abused and exploited and polluted it to the point that we don’t recognize it anymore. Heaven is not another place … it is a change of perspective.
The proof of that statement is that I am here … with you … all of you … and all of you feel me, sense my presence in different ways … some through dreams, some through music or dance, some through conversations … but you all know that I am not done with you, yet (and never will be, by the way … so please stop thinking that our communion is going to end … it is not! It may change, but it will not end unless you choose to end it.)
Most of us think that childhood is a time of life that we get through … to achieve our full potential on the other side … a time of learning what we need to know to navigate through the pitfalls that attend adulthood. This is not true. Childhood follows us wherever we go and influences us until the day we die … and after.
One of my commitments was to hold up a mirror on these misconceptions … to show all of you the truth about these myths that the human family has talked itself into believing for centuries.
All of us have been shaped by our childhoods. All of our relationships … all of our reactions to external stimuli … all of our thoughts … all of our emotions are projected through the filter of our childhood experiences … like putting a colored filter on a camera.
So, what are the major traits or characteristics of child? A child loves freely, trusts openly, gives generously, plays with concepts, and learns voraciously. He is curious, accepting of others, knows that he is special and beautiful and welcome in this world. He imagines with strength and conviction and often endows his imagination with enough reality so that he sees and hears his playmates with his physical senses. He is secure in the knowledge that he lives in a world that is friendly, nurturing, protective of his dreams, and constantly contributing to his sense of wonder and enchantment. All of these are the traits of a child; unless they are negated by the treatment the child receives at the hands of the significant others who provide his care.
Let’s continue with the analogy of the symphony from our last conversation. We are all one master work of art … a symphony … joined in purpose yet each one of us separate and distinct … a different note on one of the lines or spaces or clefts in the major composition, millions of notes playing in harmony and syncopated rhythm to produce beauty. Are you with me?
Of course, beloved … I love this analogy … to me it is brilliant. I’m glad we are going to continue with it.
Okay, so … if we are the symphony … our childhood is the instrument through which we hear the music … the filter through which the music flows to our sense of hearing. Every note of the entire composition is filtered through this instrument.
You don’t have to be a musician to understand this. Anyone who has ever bought a radio can relate to this … different instruments transmit a different tonal quality. For example, a transistor radio with one earplug gives a mono or one-track reproduction of the symphony. The bass is muted; the treble is dampened and both are condensed into the midrange. So, we are not hearing the symphony’s fullness through that instrument. We are getting an estimate of what the entire composition sounds like rather than a clear and true reproduction. A computer’s speaker system is similar in a way; it does not give the listener an accurate reproduction of the entire symphony because the quality of the speaker system in a computer is poor to mediocre.
A decent stereo gives better audio quality because it can separate the midrange from the bass and treble and give a truer reproduction of the tonal quality of the entire production. But we aren’t there, yet, are we? A Dolby-enhanced system gives an even truer reproduction, especially when it includes a separate woofer or bass speaker to truly give depth to the bass sections. A recording studio is the truest, most accurate reproduction of each individual note in the symphony because each line can be adjusted or modulated to give the listener the effect of being in a concert hall, but it’s kinda big and wouldn’t fit in everyone’s home.
So, each person who is listening to the same symphony is hearing the symphony through the filter of the system or instrument through which it is being played. Therefore, each listener is hearing something different … from a rough estimate to a true reproduction of every instrument … or having a different experience of the entire symphony. Right?
Absolutely, I’ve experienced this myself. Back in the day when I purchased a personal compact disc player, I discovered that the music only sounds as good as the earphones through which it is delivered to the ear. Crummy earphones reproduce crummy sound. But when I went out and bought my MP3 player, I had forgotten that rule and tried listening to your music through the phones that came with the player. Big mistake! It annoyed me more than satisfied me. It made me itch because I knew what I wanted your music to sound like and those earphones were not delivering that sound to my ears. The bass had no depth and the treble was ‘tinny.’ That pair of phones didn’t last a full day. I had to run out on my lunch hour and invest in a good set of earphones that delivered fuller bass and truer reproduction of the treble and midrange.
Okay, so we’re on the same page! Now, let’s bring the childhood theme into the analogy.
A child who is welcomed into the world by loving parents, whose imagination is nourished and enriched with carefully controlled and supervised experiences, who is allowed the freedom to experiment with his thoughts and emotions, who is disciplined with love and respect for the beautiful little soul he is and who knows he is loved and accepted just as he is, warts and all, is the symphony reproduced through the ideal system of the recording studio. He is flexible and can bend without breaking because his strength has been lovingly adjusted along the way by the equalizing dials and sliders in the control board of his life by his parents, at first, and later by his own ideals. His admonishments were done without criticism and were always meant to help and not hurt; they were accepted as tools for advancement without rancor. He knows he is beautiful and lovable, regardless of his appearance, and doesn’t need to clash against others to prove his own worth or to always be viewed as being right. He perceives the world as a place filled with the wonder of discovery and enthusiastically embraces new experiences and people as exciting adventures that contain wonderful gifts to encourage his dreams and their manifestations. He leads a charmed, blessed life … never doubting that his parents are always there to bandage his hurts, pick up the pieces of his experiments (even when they end in disaster) and that the world supports him and his endeavors and always meets him at least half way in the realization of his dreams. His sympathy for others is fully developed and he expresses love in the same way he experienced it … fully and freely. He is the golden child. This is the ideal.
At the opposite end of the spectrum is the child who is neglected or ignored or abused … physically, emotionally, spiritually, sexually or psychologically … whose worth is trodden upon by those in significant other positions in his young life. This child experiences a world full of fear in every moment, never knowing when the wrath of his parent or guardian is going to fall on his head. He is not listened to, his questions go unanswered or ridiculed or, worse yet, punished! His dreams are not encouraged and they soon become nightmares filled with violence and vengeance against those who seem to delight in his pain. He sees himself as ugly, unworthy of love, unable to complete a task without disaster and unable to give or receive love. The only way he can feel better about himself is to make those around him feel small so he judges without proof, accuses with malice and intent to hurt, bullies those younger or smaller or more sensitive and delights in the downfall of anyone else as long as it’s not himself. He hides his pain by diverting attention and blaming those around him for everything. Nothing is ever his fault. This child is the antithesis of the golden child. In our analogy, he is the symphony as heard through a transistor radio and one earphone. He cannot hear the fullness of the symphony or see the glory of his small but important part in it. His potential has been thwarted before he even had a chance to explore it … let alone achieve its fullness.
In between the two extremes are the vast majority of children who fall along the linear progression from ideal to antithesis. Their ideal childhood is interrupted by war or famine or disease or the death of a parent or sibling or some other factor and they represent the stereo in varying degrees of audio-replicating quality.
Are you still with me?
Of course, beloved! This analogy just gets better and better and explains so much so clearly.
God bless you! Okay. So, let’s take these two examples and follow them through adulthood. Please understand that these examples are illustrations only … and generalizations are always dangerous but can be used as hypothetical instances to demonstrate how such childhoods could affect individuals.
First, the ideal child grows to maturity to respect himself and those around him because he has been shown respect from his first breath; he is a leader by nature. He is compassionate and able to empathize with others. When he has children of his own, he tries to foster the same freedom and respect in his own children. He is confident of his place in the world, views the universe as a friendly, nurturing environment which encourages his dreams and their manifestation. He views his childhood with gratitude for all the blessings he received. This adult does not have to step on others or tear anyone else down to achieve; his achievement is a natural product of his curiosity, intelligence and strength of will. He has a realistic world view while maintaining a sense of wonder at the mysteries it continues to hold for him. He has the strength to bend while at the same time reaching for the stars. His imagination remains active and a source of delight for him. He gets along well with others because he genuinely likes people and they genuinely like him. While misfortune may knock at his door, he is not defeated by it. Rather, he uses it as an opportunity for growth and greater achievement. This adult can use his imagination to dream up solutions to the world’s problems … whether ecological or social or political … doesn’t feel it is necessary to repeat the errors of the past and has the confidence to experiment with the world around him … to see what works and what doesn’t. It is this adult upon whom the world depends to bring it out of its downward spiral.
The antithesis child grows to maturity with no respect for himself or anyone else. This is a dangerous generalization, but just for purposes of illustration, this child can run the gamut of illegal activity from prostitution to rape to murder to extortion (or he may never actually cross the line of what is illegal.) He is often violent. He fears the exposure of his wounds so much that he will do anything to divert attention from them and he doesn’t care who is hurt in the process. This child has no sensitivity for anyone else’s pain because he has been too much a victim of pain himself and no one had any sensitivity or empathy for him. He feels a sense of entitlement to the good things in life and doesn’t much care how he gets them or who he has to bury to get what they have. Gratitude is a foreign emotion to him. Often he believes in nothing and no one, including himself. He feels he has to bully others and manipulate people with inauthentic behavior to get what he needs. The world is an unfriendly place and everything and everyone is always out to get him. He is invested in maintaining the status quo, is fearful of change and new experiences and people. To him, love is a four-letter word, a weakness that only gets in his way or a thing to be used to get his way. He gets by on just good enough, takes little pride in his work and just struggles to get through the day. He can be an addictive personality because illegal substances dull his pain and fear. He is so insecure that he constantly blames others for all of his misfortunes and cannot take any responsibility for his own actions. He often can be abusive of his own family, repeating the actions of his parents because he knows nothing different, which just perpetuates the damage from generation to generation. He sees nothing wrong with the world the way it is so he has no compulsion to fix it. If it doesn’t affect him, he doesn’t care about it. The other six billion people on the planet don’t fit into his calculations … and the planet itself will not be destroyed during his lifetime so it really doesn’t concern him.
And it all stems from the filter through which the child hears the symphony … his childhood.
Now, remembering back to our previous conversation, we are all notes in the Symphony in the Key of L.O.V.E. We are all born into the world as innocent, beautiful souls who remember the Oneness from which we came vaguely, but have no way to express that remembrance. As individual notes we are beautiful and strong and important in the context of the entire composition, remember?
Yes, beloved, I remember.
Good, let’s tie this all up in a pretty, little bow! [Michael laughs.] Let’s take the two examples we’ve been talking about. When it comes time for the ideal child to sing his note to complete the symphony, his vibration is strong and clear and beautiful and he sings it willingly and openly without fear. But the antithesis child’s note has been bent and torn by the abuse he has received from his significant others and by the abuse he has caused himself and those around him. If he recognizes that he is part of the symphony at all, his note’s pitch and modulation have been thrown off and his vibration is out of tune … out of key … not strong … and so dissonant that it sticks out like a sore thumb among the chords and hundreds of notes on his page of the masterpiece.
Most children fall somewhere in between the two extremes, somewhat damaged but able to sing out when their measure is played though their vibration may lack strength or vibrato or duration.
Once again, all the variations are caused by the instrument through which we hear the symphony of life of which we are all a beautiful and important part … our childhoods. To repair the symphony and retune the notes that have been so bent and torn by the abuse they have endured, we must begin by seeing childhood as it really is and working to provide our children with what they need to grow into strong, beautiful notes in the Symphony in the Key of L.O.V.E.
Beautiful! Brilliant! Stunning! Magnificent! I am so grateful, beloved, for these conversations and your masterful explanation of some really very difficult concepts. On this Thanksgiving Day (in the U.S.) may I tell you how blessed I am that you are speaking with me so clearly. Thank You. Your presence in my life is one of the things I thank God for this Thanksgiving Day.
God bless you.
When you look back on the life you led, what is your overwhelming emotion or thought, beloved?
Gratitude … overwhelming gratitude … I was … and am … so very blessed. My life was so rich and full in so many ways … rich in experiences, rich in joy, rich in pain, rich in love, rich in fear. I got to experience the full gamut of human emotion … the extremes of joy and the extremes of sorrow … and I triumphed over both and continued to create the man I wanted to be.
My life offered me endless opportunities to live to the fullest possible extent … to pour everything I was and felt into my art and to love every moment of the pouring. In each instant of living, I was offered a new and exciting opportunity … and the freedom … to create the man I wanted to see in the mirror in relation to everything I saw or felt or thought or experienced. If you all could only know what a gift that is … that freedom to be what you choose to be in each new moment of each and every day of your life.
I would have expected you to respond differently after all you suffered here with us, Dear One.
No, it’s like childbirth. Life-bearers experience pain to bring life into the world, but once it’s here, they don’t remember the pain. Once they hold their newborn baby in their arms and look into their eyes, all that pain is replaced with falling in love with that beautiful soul and the bonding removes all memory of pain. The entire nine months of discomfort and exhaustion and expanding body parts just disappears as if it had never happened.
It is like that when we cross over the bridge which spans the gulf between the physical world and the world of spirit. We remember, but the pain of the remembering vanishes in the mists rising from below. And we get to see the whole of our lives in the context of the larger meaning it holds … for us as individuals and for humanity as a whole. We hear the symphony in all its simplicity and complexity and beauty; we rejoice to have been even the smallest, most insignificant part of that. We see the challenges and obstacles we faced in the context of the manner in which we used them as stepping stones to our creations. We see the necessity for the painful episodes in their repercussions as those ripples expand out into infinity; we understand the people who caused the pain, we see the wounds that formed their offense and the larger roles each played in the stage production of life as the curtain falls. Forgiveness becomes unnecessary because we see that the pain had a purpose … and the purpose is beautiful.
Earthly life is such a blessing … it is a privilege that we must stop squandering so heedlessly. It gives our souls a chance to experience the beauty of nature and to breathe in the experience of the perfume of a flower and to touch a child’s hand or a lover’s face. It is a miracle and should be revered as such. Instead of viewing our lives as a constant struggle to survive or an ongoing battle to overcome everyone else around us, we should be thanking God for the opportunity to serve the larger goal because it is beautiful.
But we don’t see this great gift. Many of us view life as something to ‘get through’ so that you can claim heaven on the other side where you will finally be free of worry and happy … instead of an opportunity to create heaven right here and right now. You see life as an endless rat race; your view of life has been so colored by what you have experienced as children. When something happens to you, you perceive it as foreign … as other … when what you should see is the gift held for you within the situation you face. Does it offer you a chance to view yourself in a different light, to create yourself anew in light of the new information in contains? Does it provide a stimulus for you to reshape a part of yourself that, perhaps, you see as less than ideal? Does it hold a mirror or a chance to be light-filled or soulful?
You think that as you experience things, you must repeat previous thoughts or emotions or actions you have had about similar occurrences. You think that you are ruled by your emotions … and so you are. But that is not true. You choose your emotions and thoughts (either consciously or unconsciously), but it is such an automatic choice that you don’t realize that by choosing to repeat the emotions and thoughts you experienced previously, you are choosing to repeat your past instead of creating your present or laying a foundation for your future. Or you just go with auto-pilot and choose by default. By not choosing, you have chosen.
As a matter of fact, with trust that the world is a friendly and nurturing place and a willingness to remain open to the wonder that life holds, you can create new thoughts and emotions in each situation (regardless of the number of similar occurrences you experience) rather than following the old formula … you can rule your emotions and thoughts and make them serve you and aid in your creations. You would be surprised how the universe will meet you half way if you put this into practice.
We are all golden children and golden children can dream their own reality into being … can move mountains … can change the world.
Beloved, I have asked this question of everyone I know who I thought might be able to answer it. I even asked it in earlier articles on this blog when I first started it in July as an example of the kind of question reporters and interviewers should have spent their time with you discussing … instead of the trash they decided was important.
But, since I have you tied down, I have to ask you: How did you never come from a place of ego or defensiveness? How did you never lash out in justified anger at the treatment you received from this world? How did you remain so humble and kind and generous in all your dealings with your colleagues and band members and dancers? If anyone in this world had a reason to be egotistical, you were that person! You excelled so brilliantly at everything you ever laid your hand to … and were so maddeningly prolific!! How did it never show?
You’re giving me credit I don’t deserve! I lashed out plenty of times. I closed myself off from everyone and screamed and ranted and raved and cried. I even trashed a hotel room once or twice. Or I went into the dance studio and danced my anger out for hours … until I couldn’t move or breathe or think or walk … and I was standing in a pool of my own sweat! I just made sure no one else saw it or heard it, but I did it! I channeled a lot of anger through music … a lot of horror through my films, but you know that! I used that energy or vibration to create rather than to react.
Have you ever noticed that the words ‘creation’ and ‘reaction’ use exactly the same letters … only the perspective (the order in which they occur) changes? It is human nature to react to a stimulus and it is only human to defend ourselves or make ourselves right at all costs. I read a saying once, “I would rather be loving than right.” I often asked myself, “What would Love do in this situation?”
Usually, when something happens to us, our brains perform a kind of automatic search through its memory banks to find a similar experience to compare it to. It then just replays the emotions we had and the actions we performed in that similar earlier experience … we re-act … sometimes without thinking about the effect of our words or actions on others. That’s what we call a ‘knee-jerk’ reaction, meaning it’s almost an instinctual thing because it happens so automatically that we aren’t even aware of it.
If we could just keep the innocence and wonder of a child who has no previous experiences to call up from those memory banks, who trusts that the world is a kind and friendly and loving place and who creates actions anew in each situation he or she encounters, perhaps we could eliminate a lot of the pain we cause to others … and to ourselves … when we react without thinking.
Yes, but, when Oprah asked you if you were a virgin, how did you stop yourself from saying, “That is none of your business and I am ashamed of you for asking such a personal question!” I am not criticizing, beloved, the response you gave was perfect, “I am a gentleman” – understated, succinct, perfect! You left it at that, but the implication was that Oprah wasn’t much of a lady for asking the question to begin with!
I wish I could tell you how embarrassed and shocked I was by the question. I had not expected her to go that far. I expected her to respect what I considered to be the common rules of decency. Apparently, my common rules of decency and hers were not the same.
Oprah is a very damaged soul so she sees only damage in others … real or imagined. She must spotlight everyone else’s fault lines to make hers seem less distinct. And she is fixated on the sexual abuse issue because she was sexually abused as a child.
She is a perfect example of what I mean when we were talking about childhood. Because her childhood was so frightening, she has cut herself off from her own humanity. She views the world from the perspective of the fear she experienced and flinches and cowers in terror that anyone will ever have that kind of power over her again. She can’t believe that a grown, mature person can remain open to the wonder of childhood because she didn’t experience a wonder-filled childhood. This affects all her relationships and friendships and colors her view of everyone she meets. To her, the world is a place where she has to scheme to get what she wants, she has to manipulate people with inauthentic behavior, she has to make sure that she is right at the expense of others. It is an unfriendly, fearful place against which she must always be on guard. This is common. In her, I see so clearly her wounds. Could you berate someone whose soul you saw bleeding before your very eyes?
No, I guess not.
Exactly … neither could I. There was something about my earthly life that I think may explain things a little better.
I saw things differently than many see them. For example, Frank Dileo used to go with me to the hospitals I visited before going on stage or would stand with me in my dressing room when sick kids … some of them dying … would come to visit before a concert at my invitation. He would get so emotionally distressed because the sight of these children raised so much sympathy in him that he would cry; he had to leave. And he’s a tough man; he isn’t comfortable with showing emotion. He couldn’t stay in the room with me. And he would ask me, ‘How can you do this just before going on to perform?’ He couldn’t understand that I never saw their diseases or their scars or their bald heads or their crippled bodies. What I saw in them was beautiful … souls being shaped by the Master’s hands into perfection, clay being molded, turned and fired to be perfect reflections of the Master’s love. To me, if my presence could alleviate just the smallest part of their suffering … one moment … one heartbeat … that was as important a part of my job as the concert.
My friend and artist, David Nordahl asked me the same question. I knew that I wasn’t all that important. But I also knew that Michael Jackson, the superstar, was … and if he could show up and encourage these beautiful children to hold on for one more hour or one more day or one more week … well it would be worth anything, wouldn’t it?
There was this beautiful child in New Zealand, I think … a little girl maybe sixteen to eighteen months old and she was baldheaded and had intravenous tubing emerging from her arm and a stand next to the bed with the drip attached. Frank came in, looked around and all he saw was the tubing and the monitors whirring and beeping. He turned around and left the room blubbering in the hallway. I came in and this beautiful child looked at me with honest, open eyes and smiled the biggest smile you would ever want to see while she played with the tubing. She was so beautiful! She wasn’t feeling sorry for herself or making any kind of judgment about her condition … fair or unfair … right or wrong. How could Frank not see the child’s beauty? And he, no doubt, asked the same question about me with one small difference. His question was, “How could you not see the suffering?”
So, I guess I saw things a bit differently than most of the world.
Sometimes, the cancer they suffered would disappear or the disease that pushed them into a coma would leave them. On those occasions, the healing had more to do with the kids’ faith in me than in anything I said or did. Their faith … and their own bodies’ natural healing abilities … healed them with a lot of help from God. It wasn’t me.
The human body is a miracle full of secrets! We would do so much better to unravel those secrets than waging war against our imagined enemies or our planet!
Jan – November 25, 2010