Conversations – Installment #16

Week of February 19 through February 26, 2011

Michael, I’ve got to ask you about something. Would you talk to me a little bit about your love for your fans … and their love for you? Some of my friends have been … uh … doubting whether your love for your fans is real … kinda wondering if what they are feeling could possibly be true. I know you’ve warned us about doubt of this kind before in these conversations. Would you talk to me about that relationship?

Sure, what do you want to know?

Well, I’ve read both of the Rabbi’s books, now and I was shocked at how he tried to convince you that our love for you wasn’t … I don’t know … enough, I guess would be the right way to say it. He thought it was a kind of cold and impersonal relationship; he didn’t understand how deeply you had entered into our lives and our hearts. And I know that there were other people in your life that tried to belittle the relationship you had with your fans.

Yeah, lots of them. No one can understand a thing like that unless they’ve lived my life … walked in my shoes … experienced it themselves.

Would you mind talking to me about this subject? I know in our first conversations, you explained how our love sustained you through difficult times and how you felt our concern and our prayers for your safety and physical well-being … wrapped them around you to shield you from some of the difficult things you had to go through. You had a special relationship with us, to say the least. You described us as your ‘children’ in our first dialog.

Yes, that’s how I feel about all of you … you are all my children. “Our love’s a sacred thing.” [Michael sings this line.] It always has been, but I didn’t always realize it. I suppose it started when I was just a kid out there singing and dancing my heart out. I had come from backstage where my father was telling us, “Don’t mess up,” and “You never disappoint the fans.” And he would have this really scary look in his eyes … very stern … and we knew that if we didn’t give it everything we had, he would just tear us up when the show was over. I was scared to death … to the point of tears. I could never understand why he had to be so uncaring and just plain mean. I understand better now … and I forgive him, please understand that … but at the time I was just a baby and I didn’t know what I know now.

Then, we’d run out onto the stage and hit this wall of L.O.V.E. that the fans were generating … there’s no other way to describe it. Backstage the atmosphere was tense and closed and tight and you could hardly breathe for the fear … it was oppressive. But, out there on stage it was bright and open and light and the air that filled your lungs was clear and healing.

I don’t think my brothers felt it the same way that I did. For me, it was like running through a shower of love and security and acceptance that just hovered over the atmosphere in the place and rained down on me … all the fear and anger was just washed away in those moments. It was a very spiritual thing, but I didn’t know anything about spiritual at the time. It was like God holding you in the palm of his hand and telling you everything is going to be all right … as if an angel’s wings had embraced me … covered me from head to toe and shielded me from all harm  … and nothing could ever hurt me again. I felt … I don’t know … that I was safe when I was out there with all of you. I felt that no one could belittle … or frighten me … or hurt me when you were there. There was a ‘cosmic connection’ between us and I guess it started back then … and it never changed. I was so grateful to you for bathing me in that aura … for shielding me from the situations and people that caused me fear!

I remember a couple of times, he would slap me really, really hard … as hard as he could … hard enough to leave a hand print on my cheek … and I would cry … and he would push me out in front of you with tears rolling down my face to shame me in front of all of you. I just wanted to die! But it backfired on him. [Michael giggles.] The fans out front didn’t know what was going on … they hadn’t seen him slap me. They just saw me … and their souls reached out to me with this aura of LOVE … embraced me in spirit … comforted me and told me not to be afraid … and I wasn’t shamed! I was uplifted, instead. He couldn’t see it or feel it, but I could. And I would look back at him and see him standing backstage with that scary look on his face … and I just knew that he couldn’t reach me where I was … basking in all of your love.

Some people are more sensitive to invisible energies … auras … that surround them. But I know we’ve all experienced this … when you walk into a room and the atmosphere in the place just makes you itch and you need to get the heck out of there right away … or a place you’ve never been before embraces and comforts you and welcomes you. In me, this phenomenon was magnified enormously. I was blessed with an almost physical sensitivity to auras … both positive and negative … that the emotions of others generated. They affected me physically. It was a blessing … and like most blessings it carried its own curse. When I was frightened or face-to-face with cruelty or hatred or bigotry, I would get physically ill … or faint. When I was in the arms of Music … or in your arms … or dancing, I felt like I could fly … I was Superman! This sensitivity made me more susceptible to pain and anger and bigotry … but it also magnified love and hope and faith. So, I am grateful for it.

With your physical sight, you can’t see how your emotions fill the air around you … the fog of fear and doubt that your uncontrolled negative emotions hang over you. We talked about that before. By the same token, you don’t see the clarity that LOVE and faith produce … how they push those clouds away and let the sun enlighten your heart and spirit. It’s like being out on a beautiful, sunny day in a sudden cloudburst of warm, gentle rain … and you lift up your head and spin in a circle and  close your eyes and say ‘thank you … it’s so beautiful’ as the rain is drenching you with healing. It’s so uplifting! Hard to describe, though. I see the clarity of love, now … it is a physical thing and it has physical effects on the people and the places it touches. You saw some of that … in the pictures you’ve seen of Neverland; you commented on it in earlier conversations.

Did you ever try to explain this relationship to the people around you who were belittling it? I mean, I know that I read your explanation to the Rabbi, but I also felt his total disregard for what you were trying to tell him. It seemed like he took everything you said and gave it a different, more materialistic spin from what you intended.  I find it amazing that you were so much more enlightened in spiritual matters than he was … and he was supposed to be the spiritual mentor. He was more religious, perhaps, but he didn’t know spiritual from squat. You should have been mentoring him! Did you try to talk to anyone else about it?

Sure. Absolutely. I even tried to explain it in interviews. But no one else can understand a thing like that because no one else had that hyper-sensitivity to emotional auras that I had. No one else was aware of the under currents I was trying to describe. Most people only see everything on the surface … like the tip of the iceberg … ninety-percent of an iceberg is under the water, did you know that? It was like I was living on another planet. When I tried to talk about it … it was like the ninety-percent of what I was trying to describe to the other person … didn’t exist … like only I was aware of it, ya know?

Yes, beloved, I know exactly what you’re trying to say, but I’m not surprised no one understood you. Our world gives little attention to the spiritual. Most of us wouldn’t recognize spiritual if it came up and bit us in the butt.

[Michael giggles.] That’s why I would walk the streets late at night and try to find someone to talk to … someone who could understand what I was trying to say. There wasn’t anyone … really … who I could talk to about it. My brothers … all they wanted to do was get in the fans’ pants. They felt it, but they didn’t know how to interpret it … so, they viewed it from the ‘what can I get out of this’ standpoint. They were so like my father in that! I viewed it from the ‘what can I give them in return for their gift to me’ standpoint. There was a huge gap between us. They so totally didn’t understand where I was coming from when I tried to explain how I felt … it was amazing. And I was surprised by that because they had been there the whole time with me … had gone through all the same experiences with me at their side. But they didn’t have the same sensitivity to the emotional and spiritual atmosphere that I did. Dunk (Janet) came closest to being able to understand me, but even she had trouble sometimes.

I was really a Stranger in a Strange Land in so many ways. Did you ever read that classic science fiction novel by Heinlein? The character in his story came very close to describing me and how I felt. This world killed him, too.

Yes, beloved … it’s been years since I read it, but I so totally agree with you. John Smith, I think his name was, reflected you very well.

As I got older and started to experience some of the things that all kids experience in their teenage years, I had no one to talk to about it. My brothers all had a very cold and exploitative attitude toward sexual matters … and you can’t talk to your parents about those feelings … it just doesn’t work. The changes that all kids go through with hormones really confused and frightened me. Most kids talk about stuff like that with their friends, but I didn’t have any friends, really. Who do you go up to and say stuff like, “Something happened to me this morning and I don’t understand it. Why did this happen?” I later learned that there was a name for what I was experiencing … it was called a ‘wet dream’ … but at the time I thought there was something wrong with me … or that I had wet the bed. I didn’t know all boys go through that during puberty. It scared me! I couldn’t ask my mother about it. I would have died of embarrassment. She would have died of embarrassment. And my brothers were hopeless with stuff like that. You would think that with five brothers, such things would not be a problem. That wasn’t true in my case. They would have found a way to make me feel even worse about it … to belittle or tease me or shame me. And we won’t even mention trying to talk to my father about it! That was so not going to happen! So, what do you do? You try to find out … read about it … research it and find out what’s going on. It would’ve been so much easier to have had a friend to talk to about this stuff … someone who could have reassured me that I was ‘normal’ if there is such a thing.

Did you know that there were millions of us who would have given their left lungs to have been walking around Hayvenhurst on those nights? So many of us wanted to be your friend.

Yeah … I know that now … but at the time I thought there must be something intrinsically wrong with me. When you’re a teenager, you don’t think that it’s the entire world out there that’s wrong … or that your particular circumstances make you unique … you think that the problem is with you. It’s that inferiority thing that all teenagers battle. But I didn’t know that. I just knew that I was different … and different in our culture means ‘wrong.’

Later … around Off the Wall and Thriller … I just felt that I needed to hide myself away … that I was so different that no one would ever love me just for myself … that I would always be trapped in this ‘Michael Jackson’ superstar persona that no one could ever really relate to. And they started writing all these freakish stories about me that just reinforced all those feelings that it was me that was all wrong … that I, somehow, didn’t belong here.

But then, I would go out and people would flock to be close to me. It was such a contradiction! How does a young, inexperienced man reconcile a contradiction like that? On one visit to Disney World, John and I were almost trampled by people trying to get close to me. John was really scared! He couldn’t understand how I could be calm. I tried to explain that they were fans who just wanted to be close to me … to touch me. When Security rushed us into a limo and whisked us out of there … I could feel his fear. I just smiled at him. At that point, I didn’t even try to explain anymore because I knew by this time that no one else could feel the love. All they could feel was the frenzy and it scared them. I felt the LOVE … it was a physical sensation … a whiplash effect … and I wanted to stand there and be over-run with it … to reach out and hug every one of those people who were rushing toward us.

Special thanks to my friend, who Michael called Wendy, for the use of this beautiful painting ... and to Ema, the artist, for permission to use her creation.

Then the BAD Tour … and I got to experience you all again after being separated from you for a while. Oh my God, the LOVE that rose up from those stadium floors where all of you were dancing and holding hands and screaming my name … and hovered in the air above the stadiums while I was performing … I can’t even begin to describe it. It brings tears to my eyes, even now! You were absolutely right in our last conversation. That much love erupting from so many hearts charges something in the air and I was so sensitive to that charge … or whatever feeling that was … ahhhh … I wanted to bathe in it! I wanted to give you everything I had … wanted to kick higher and spin longer and sing my love for you to the rafters. I never wanted to go back to the hotel room where I was trapped.

I could feel all of you outside through the walls and windows. It was like your love floated up to me on the oxygen or something. There were times when I wouldn’t show myself at the window for a while and I could feel your worry for me, so I would pull back the curtains and look out and you would all jump and scream that you loved me. It was so beautiful!

Special thanks for Manu for allowing me to use her photograph.

So, I started trying to communicate with you by throwing little notes written on hotel stationary … or hotel linens … I didn’t care. I would come downstairs and send Bill or Wayne out to bring a few of you in at a time so that we could be together for a few minutes and just hold each other. Most of you were so sweet and shy … asking me if it was okay to get a hug or to touch my hand. There was a sense of gratitude and love and faith in me that was just staggering to me because I thought you didn’t even know me. You would bring me gifts … drawings and posters and scrapbooks and things that you had created for me … and I would be so touched by that … just to think that you had put so much effort to please me! Then, there were a few of you who would grab me and throw yourselves at me in a very aggressive sexual way. I was so shy about stuff like that! I didn’t know how to handle that at all. I didn’t see it then as clearly as I see it now. Now, I think it’s beautiful as I’ve told you earlier … but, then, I found it terribly embarrassing … and would signal Bill or Wayne to get them off of me. [Michael giggles.]

We had games that we played … you and I. For example, when I would have to go out to shop for toys or something, I would usually send Bill or Wayne out to clear the area so that I could accept a few gifts or hugs from you. But, if I was in a hurry, I would put on a disguise and we played the disguise game … who could penetrate Michael’s disguise fastest? … or the ‘who can get to the right shop first’ game? When there was a really serious reason for me to go out … a hospital or orphanage visit … I had a disguise that I knew you all saw through instantly … a black burqa … but you never followed me then. It was our signal that I was on a mission and couldn’t be delayed. You always knew that I would appreciate you letting me get this done … and we would get together later. When I returned to the hotel, I would send signed pictures or notes … or paper airplanes … sailing out the windows of the hotel … or send out food or something.

Sure, there were times when I was forced to run … or climb fences … or get on the roof of the cars transporting me from place to place … to avoid being trampled by too many of you at once. There were also really scary times when I was so afraid some of you would get hurt … like that time when the plate glass window cracked and there was a woman who had passed out and I tried to get you all to move back before the window collapsed. But, for the most part, you respected me enough to make sure that no one got seriously hurt in the crushes. And I so appreciated that!

Our relationship was like a good wine … it developed over time … aged and ripened. It was like an old-fashioned courtship ritual … it started with just learning about each other from a distance but … as time passed … became very intimate … not in the way that the world thinks of as intimate … overtly sexual … but as God thinks of intimate. There was always a very spiritual quality to it. When I was younger, I didn’t understand that because little kids don’t think in those terms; they take stuff like that for granted. But, as I got older … I noticed it more and more. I had always had a kinda other-worldly relationship with Music … we talked about that before in earlier conversations. As the years went by, my relationship with all of you … and your relationship with me … mirrored the same kind of invisible, but definitely felt, quality … a cosmic connection.

It made me curious about spiritual stuff. In my efforts to try to understand what was happening, I started reading about spiritual traditions around the world. Eastern thought gives much more significance to the kinds of spiritual and emotional attachments and connections I was feeling and not understanding. The western world is so much more materialistic than the Oriental philosophies. And philosophical readings led me to history because the two fields of study are so interconnected. I was always curious and loved to research and learn. So, my relationship with all of you pushed me to investigate what was happening and broadened my outlook on life so much.

Isn’t it funny that many of us felt the same way … were curious about the same thing … wondered how we could be so deeply and irretrievably invested in a man we had never even met … investigated in the same way? And when we didn’t find the answers we needed, we brushed aside what the world was telling us was true because we just had this spiritual ‘knowing’ about you. They couldn’t shake that ‘knowing’ loose with all their ridiculous stories and ‘freakish’ meanderings. I experienced the same kind of curiosity after viewing the Bucharest Dangerous telecast. I was driven to know more … to find out who you were … there was a compulsion that I couldn’t explain at the time … and still can’t.

No, not funny! A Plan! God works in mysterious ways His wonders to perform. Without that curiosity on your part, the next part of our personal story wouldn’t have unfolded the way it did. You saved my sanity with that telegram. Things kinda went south after that until Elizabeth arrived, but your telegram in Singapore kept me breathing until she could get there. I just wanted to die of shame. I stopped eating … Elizabeth had to spoon feed me to keep me alive.

The first set of allegations happened … and something changed. Many of you started to pray for me to be strong. I FELT THAT! Our love changed from the love that a fan feels for an idol … to the love a friend feels for someone he really cares about. So many of you sent me spiritual support; I felt your prayers for me. That hyper-sensitivity to the invisible auras you were projecting made it possible for me to know somewhere deep inside me that you were there … holding me close in your hearts and in your thoughts and prayers. In your case, it was an angel to accompany me and shield me from the hatefulness that you sensed all around me.

At that point, I had to admit that a lot of you knew me. I didn’t know how that was possible, but I knew it. I mean … with all the trash they were writing about me I’m surprised anyone would take the time to investigate on their own. You had researched and found out about the hospital and orphanage visits … and you had listened to the lyrics with open hearts … and you had read Moonwalk and Dancing the Dream. You knew my heart and you knew that there was no way that I could have harmed that child or any child in the ways they were describing. You all invited me into your hearts and I knew that it wasn’t just Michael Jackson, the superstar, you cared about, then. I knew that you loved me for who I was and something in me just opened up. But everyone just kept trying to convince me that it was ‘idol worship’ … that it wasn’t real … and that fans are fickle and vacillate from love one day to hatred the next. I didn’t believe them then … and I don’t believe that now.

It was sometime between the HIStory and Invincible releases that I realized that we were sharing a ‘love consciousness’ of each other … that cosmic connection I mentioned before became more solidified. It wasn’t just a “me … me … me” thing anymore. We were actually able to sense each other, somehow. Like when you saw me pacing in my hotel room in Bangkok. There was no way you could have seen that … you were in your home in the U.S. You had never had any kind of vision or psychic experience before, but you saw me in your mind’s eye. What was so remarkable about that is that you didn’t just ignore it … you believed in it … you knew what you had seen was real … and you acted on it! You didn’t talk yourself out of it.

Ah, beloved … truth be told … I tried … but that vision would NOT leave me alone! It wouldn’t go away like an obedient little puppy. Every time I closed my eyes, it was there waiting for me. Every time I wasn’t absorbed by something else, it snuck up behind me and smacked me right between the eyes. You were incorrigible! And tenacious! Finally, I knew I had to do something when I was driving home and that slow car in front of me was annoying me so much until I read the license plate! ‘Jaxson!’ Dang, baby! That was a ‘body rush’ that would have measured 10.8 on the Richter scale! I was just stupefied … and figured somebody was trying to tell me something … and I better start listening!

[Michael laughs.] We shared a ‘soul connection’ that made you conscious of my state of mind and my need for you. And you responded with that telegram. Who could understand something like that unless they had experienced it themselves?

It was also at this time that I began to realize the importance of that ‘love consciousness’ or ‘higher consciousness’ or ‘cosmic connection’ or whatever you want to call it … how it could change the world we live in if enough of us could put ourselves fully into that awareness … to accept it and embrace it.

From that time on, I knew a new sense of purpose. I saw what the world could be if everyone was joined in the same way that we were joined. And that’s when I really became ‘dangerous’ to the forces of materialism and me-ism which hold this world in their grip. That knowledge of higher purpose took me out of the category of ‘pop star’ and ‘entertainer’ and put me into an entirely different category. I knew that we … all of you and I … were on the verge of a major break-through in human consciousness and that if we were joined together … all of us working toward a common purpose … that symphony we talked about so much in our earlier dialogs … there was nothing we couldn’t do. The world views this stuff as ‘impossible.’

It was like everyone trying to convince me that we couldn’t sell 100 million copies of the Thriller album … or accomplish the lean in Smooth Criminal … or all the things they told me were impossible. I knew what could be done. It was the same thing with our relationship. I knew. I couldn’t explain it to anyone else, but I knew … and that made all the difference in the world. From that point on, We Are One. I sang it! I danced it! I wrapped all of you around me like invisible armor … it was like I told you before. You were my foundation … my invincibility … my strength.

You told me earlier that during the trial, we were your reason for going on … that you didn’t want to disappoint us … and that you wrapped our love and prayers and faith around you every day.

Yes, that’s true. Karen and Bush would arrive early in the morning to help me get prepared. And we would all kneel down and pray for me to have the strength to get through the day. I knew that the hatred and deceit in that courtroom would make me physically ill. But I also knew that those of you who could be were already there at the courthouse waiting for us to arrive. I could feel your love reaching out to me … to lift me above what I had to listen to day in and day out.

Usually, the ride to the courthouse was a silent one. I would sit with my head back against the back of the seat and my eyes closed … and breathe in your love … and your prayers … and your faith in me … I don’t know any other way of describing it. There’s a phrase in the bible … “gird your loins” … meaning to draw strength and fortitude and determination … that’s what that time in the car was for. I would gird my loins to face what they were saying about me … push the pain away to experience later … and assume the aspect of the gentle warrior so that I could walk into that building with some dignity and hold my head up. I would pray that I wouldn’t disappoint you … that I could remain strong for you … that I would keep my dignity and not shame you. And I drew the strength that I needed to do that from all of you … those of you outside the courthouse as well as those of you watching from afar … from your prayers and your faith and your love. If you could only know how you lifted me up.

I had always known that we shared something special … some kind of very personal, spiritual connection, but until I got to this side of life, I didn’t understand it intellectually. Now, that I am here, I see it … and feel it … it is the air I breathe … my every thought and prayer. I am so grateful to all of you. God bless you!

One of my friends … and one of your friends from the HIStory Tour days … wondered how you missed seeing the deceitfulness in Gavin. She was talking about this just the other day. She says that when she saw Gavin on television, she knew immediately that he was trouble.

When I met Gavin, he was a boy who only had a few weeks to live. His parents had been told to begin making arrangements for his funeral! I met him on the phone, really and we would talk for hours. I would call him from wherever I was and encourage him to keep fighting his cancer and taught him how to visualize the cancer cells being gobbled up by the PacMan cells. When we met face-to-face, he was a very sick child in a wheelchair … bald … weak … undersized … and the effects of his chemo made him very ill. He was a sweet, open, caring, loving boy with a terminal illness. After he had visited Neverland a couple of times, he began to get better and I was so grateful.

By the time of the Bashir interview, almost two years later (which is when your friend probably saw him on television), the child had changed dramatically. For one thing, he was two years older when he had been told that he would be dead within a few weeks. He was very much more under the influence of his mother … and his mother always made me uncomfortable. There was something in her eyes that I couldn’t identify. He and his brother felt they had a right to my home and my person. His cancer had gone into remission and he had gained strength and was more the size a boy his age should be. He had kinda taken over Neverland and he and his family began to feel a sense of entitlement to being there … and to me. I saw the changes and tried to have my people deal with them more than me dealing with them myself. I didn’t want them kicked out … I just didn’t want to deal with his mother, particularly.

The difference between the two Gavins … the one that I met and the one that your friend saw on television … was night and day. He and his brother had become so much more aggressive in their dealings with my staff and with Neverland. Instead of being grateful … they saw it all as if they had a right to it. They had trashed their room a couple of times. I tried to have Frank talk to them … and they resented that I had sent Frank instead of me going myself … paying as much attention as I had paid to Gavin when he was so ill. They were very clinging … wanted me with them all the time and would get very pushy and jealous if I spent time with anyone else … never wanted to leave … and Janet would tell me she was afraid to go home because her ex was very abusive to her and the children. They enjoyed playing guilt trips on me. They had become very possessive of me and my life and my home. I didn’t want them harmed, so I allowed them to stay, but the situation often became awkward because my staff were instructed to always be kind with the children who came to visit me. And Gavin and his brother needed a stronger hand by that time.

I always wanted to see the best in people … never wanted to believe that someone could be so hurtful and deceitful to a person who had cared so deeply about them … always believed in the innate goodness of human nature. I don’t regret that. And I would never take back the healing that Gavin experienced at Neverland. He has an entire lifetime in which he could do a lot of good in the world, if he would just open his heart to the truth and allow that truth to lead him into a better life. While he is alive, the hope that will happen lives with him. I pray for that every day … not for myself, but for him. Living with that kind of deceit takes a terrible toll on the soul … and the longer the charade is played, the harder it is to recover from the lies. I pray … for his sake … that he lives the truth in the long run. Truth must win!

We pray for that day to come, too, beloved.

Good. Never give in to hate. It is so very harmful! And I don’t want to see you … any of you … hurt like that.

Jan – February 25, 2011

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Conversations – Installment #15

Week of February 13 through February 20, 2001

So, how’s the dancing coming along? Are you still working on it … or have you gotten discouraged and given up?

LOL! You know me too well! I have determined to stick with this … mostly because it’s so much fun … and … well … it’s a little better. You gotta understand that I’m not as young as I used to be. I used to love to attempt to dance. I was never all that proficient at it … my younger brother was really good  and he really reminded me of you back in  the late 70s … had the same kind of shy personality with striking good looks. He tried to teach me how to disco back in … like … 1979 or so … played Off the Wall and swung me around like I was nothing. When I married my husband, he doesn’t dance at all … ever … not even at our wedding. So, I am really, really rusty. Feel like the Tinman in the Wizard of OZ here … lookin’ for the oil can! [I love that movie!] Yeah, me too. My joints creak and pop. It wouldn’t be so bad if they at least did it in time to the music, but that would be asking for too much, I guess! [Michael giggles.]

But, I think I’m getting a little better. It’s not pretty, but I’m consistently getting four stars out of five in a couple of the easiest songs … Heal the World, Will You Be There and Streetwalker. I’ve even gotten five stars and over 10,000 points on Heal The World once! [See! That’s good, isn’t it?] Yeah, but in some of them, I don’t put all the foot and legwork in … have to adjust them … don’t fall on my knees or do the full-fledged jumping jacks and stuff … just concentrating on the arm and upper body movements  and hand positions is enough of a workout … because getting both upper and lower body coordinated enough to work together can be a little tough. I have to be careful with my knees and back at my age. So far (knock on wood), they are factory-installed original equipment and I would like to keep it that way. There seems to be an avalanche of people around me having knees and hips replaced. I guess now that the medical community has figured out how to switch out body parts, they think everyone needs to do it. It’s kinda like C-sections.

C-sections?

Yeah, when a woman is giving birth … Caesarean sections … taking the baby surgically. The medical community seems to push C-sections. I was told I was going to have to have both of my girls by that method, but I had them naturally.

I’ve tried a couple of the other songs, like Rock With You and Workin Day and Night and The Girl is Mine and BAD, but they are going to take the same kind of concentrated effort and commitment and practice to get as comfortable with them as I am with the first three. And … remember … these dances are ‘dumbed’ down a LOT from what you actually performed in the short films and even on stage! My appreciation for you and my admiration for your determination … and your talent … just grows with each breath and step I take! Trying to do this just gives me a keener understanding of how much you gave to us, beloved. It’s not that I didn’t know before; it’s the difference between knowing intellectually and knowing experientially.

Laura really likes dancing to Speed Demon, Dirty Diana and Remember the Time. This game could end up being a lifetime commitment!  There are enough songs on it so that I could work on one song every couple of weeks for the rest of my life and probably not get through them all. [Michael laughs.] I’ve spent a lot of last weekend working on it … about two hours in the afternoon on Saturday and about an hour and a half Saturday night … then, about two hours on Sunday afternoon. Laura spent the night with her mother last weekend, so I had a little extra time to play.  Two hours of any kind of physical activity for me is monumental … I never do any kind of concentrated physical stuff, but this is a lot of fun. So, there is built-in incentive. I could easily become addicted to this thing.

I want to thank you for the advice. It really does work. And the stretching before and after sessions with the game also helps, much as I hate to admit it.

It’s like anything in life. It takes time and practice, practice, practice … until you get it right … and then you practice some more until you get it beautiful! You know, that’s one of the things Schmuley and I talked about in the book you were asking me about a couple of conversations ago … going that extra mile to make it beautiful. And one of the things I always thanked God for … I mean … She created this unbelievable ecosystem called Earth to work in miraculous interconnectedness … but She also made it so beautiful! I guess He put the beauty in for inspiration.

You did the same thing, Michael, with everything you did. You made it beautiful and graceful. I hope you have a lot of patience; beautiful is gonna take me a whole lot longer to achieve than it did for you, I think. But, I promise I will keep working on it and try not to get too discouraged when I don’t achieve the beautiful part. So, have you figured out how you can try the game, Michael?

Yeah, but I’ve decided that I’ll just watch, for now. It looks like a lot of fun, but what I would have to do to actually try it … well … let’s just say that it would make me uncomfortable. [Michael kinda giggles.]

Makes you uncomfortable? Why? What would you have to do?

I feel uncomfortable even talking about it … smacks too much of the ‘occult’ … and that whole thing always made me nervous. The Jehovah Witness elders accused me of occultism over Thriller … because of the zombies and werewolves and stuff … that’s why I put that disclaimer on the film.

Yeah, I can understand that. A lot of people are uncomfortable with occultism. But now that you are living the ‘eternal side’ of your life, I’m sure that much of what the human race considers occult has become more clear and taken on new meaning and purpose.

Well, that’s true enough. We are so much more powerful than we want to admit to ourselves. We limit what we can achieve because we ignore so many of our innate senses and abilities. Shakespeare said it best : What a piece of work is man; how noble in reason; how infinite in faculties. We don’t give ourselves enough credit. And we tell ourselves from the time we are born that we are inferior creations, sinful creatures, incapable of goodness. God didn’t create any junk!

It seems to me that the term ‘occult’ has been used as a kind of ‘catchall’ phrase to refer to spiritual concepts and phenomena that don’t really have the fundamentalist ‘establishment’s’ seal of approval. In Medieval times, the establishment felt that it had to control the populace … and making things of a spiritual nature sinful was a good way to keep the people in line and donating to the church. So, priests ended up being the only acceptable intermediaries in spiritual matters and anyone else who dared to communicate with spirits … or their own higher spiritual self … was a heretic … or worse in league with the devil. Barbecue bait! Free-thinking was strictly forbidden; free-thinkers were harder to control. Unfortunately, a lot of that narrow-minded Puritanism has carried over into our own century and causes us to judge things that we don’t understand as wrong or evil.

So, you haven’t answered my question … what would you have to do to be able to try this game out?

Well, it embarrasses me to say this … because I know what you are going to do with this before I even say it … but, I would have to use your body, kinda.

Oooo! Baby! I have waited lifetimes to hear those words from you! [Jan laughs.]

See … I knew it! [Michael laughs out loud.] I hate to say it, but you are so predictable.

Well, I so dislike disappointing you! LOL! Besides, you are too much fun to tease; it’s a constant temptation. My libido died so long ago that I don’t even remember what it was like having one. That said, if there is anyone who could awaken it from the dead … kinda like the Lazarus effect … … you are that person! So, don’t get too complacent! [Michael giggles.]

So, how would something like that work? I mean … would you have to take me over completely … possess me (be still my beating heart!) … to make this thing happen … or what?

You are so funny! No, I wouldn’t have to possess you. You would still be alert and very much in control. I would just kinda share, if you see what I mean.

Share, huh?

Yeah, share. [Michael giggles.]

My body, right? Well, okay … but … I would have to do some major housecleaning first … dust and vacuum the cobwebs … and years of fat … out of the attic and basement before we tried this. I mean this old carcass is good enough for me, but I don’t often invite special guests. [Michael laughs.] But, whoa! Imagine the scores we would get on the game! Jeez, baby … we would burn that disc – o – out! Aoooww! Darn thing would just explode! There is no category for twelve stars, baby! Why are we still talkin’ about it, I’m ready when you are. What would I have to do? Click my heels together three times and say, “There’s no dancer like Michael. There’s no dancer like Michael?”Let’s go!

Everyday, create your HIStory. Every path you take you're leaving your legacy.

[Michael laughs.] Yeah, well, don’t get too excited. We aren’t going to do this without thinking it through thoroughly. I can’t believe that you trust me enough to even consider it. I mean … it doesn’t get any more intimate than sharing a body!

Not trust you? How could I not trust you? Of course, I trust you … with my life, my heart, my soul; you’ve been sharing them for a little less than twenty years, particularly in the last nineteen months or so!

Well, that’s true, I guess. For now, though, I’ll just dance with you … and maybe give you pointers occasionally as you progress with the game.

Dang! You are no fun at all, baby. Here, you get me all excited … and, then, you crash me into a wall! But seriously, Michael … all teasing aside (even though you are so much fun to tease!) You are always welcome … my heart and my mind and my soul are already yours to do with as you will … you’re already there … might as well take the rest! There’s not much left, but what there is … is yours!

God bless you! You gotta know; I love you more.

Okay … as long as we’re straight on that … back to the teasing … since you are going to be a prude about sharing my body (Aooww!) [Michael laughs out loud.] … can we talk about … um … politics?

Politics? Would you mind explaining how we got to politics?

Well, I’ve got some questions to ask you, but I don’t know exactly how to word them … and they fall kinda under the general heading of politics.

Only you could go from sex to politics without skipping a beat!

Oh, we weren’t talkin’ about sex, honey … we were talking about sharing my body … not the same thing at all. I told you … I was just teasing you. Believe me, when we get to talking about sex, you’ll know it! Did you know  that there’s an old joke about that … that the two are not really as different as some people would think because they are both just different ways of getting scr*w*d? LOL!

[Michael laughs out loud.]

Okay … so … about the politics. Did you know that you were going to end up being such a politically-relevant lobbyist for change? I mean, for someone who always claimed to be apolitical, you impacted this planet politically more than many heads of state or church leaders. Was that part of your plan … your mission?

I think you are giving me way more credit than I deserve. I entertained people. That was my job. I tried to lift people up; give them hope and purpose … united them by sharing my love of song and dance and performance. And I loved people, especially children and the planet … channeled pure L.O.V.E. to heal the world … that, too, was my job. I didn’t get involved in politics.

It was all coincidence, then?

I don’t believe in coincidences, you know that. Was what all coincidence?

Well, let me see if I can state my hypothesis clearly. When you came on the music scene, we all lived in a different political climate. Racial inequality was the norm in the U.S. Suburban householders regularly used the n-word with little or no compunction whatsoever; my stepfather used the word around the house all the time. Martin Luther King was out there marching and protesting and making inspiring speeches, but from what I could see people in suburban America weren’t listening unless they were black … and there weren’t too many of them living in the suburbs … at least, not in my suburb.

Then, along came five African American brothers led by a beautiful, little ball of energy who did more to bring African Americans into every living room in America with his effervescent, bubbly personality and a voice that could stop time than all the protesters and orators who had marched and carried picket signs for years. Please understand, beloved, I am not discounting Dr. King’s contributions … or the protesters and Civil Rights leaders of the 1960s … they all played their part … but so did you!

All of us … Caucasian, African American, Oriental, Native American … were glued to our television sets watching you sing I’ll Be There. And we all fell in love with that little African American boy regardless of race or creed or ideology. Even at nine-years-old, you were a force to be reckoned with. Period. It began, but it certainly didn’t end there. You may not have been out there marching at Kent State or Haight Ashbury, but you were changing hearts and minds with the power of L.O.V.E. before your contemporaries were out of 5^th grade! As a result, four decades later the United States of America could proudly boast an African American president! Only four decades later, the habits and attitudes of hundreds of years of segregation and degradation were overturned! That was something that young people couldn’t even imagine when I was nine-years-old. It’s staggering … huge! Was that a coincidence?

No, it was a Plan! I just happened to be in the right place at the right time. It wasn’t part of my mission. It just kinda happened alongside it. But the example you mention does prove that we never know how our actions and thoughts affect the world around us. So, we should be mindful that our every thought, word and action affects history. “Every day create your history. Every path you take you’re leaving your legacy.” [Singing!] It’s a ripple effect … like a stone thrown into a quiet pond. Can you count all the ripples that occur after the pebble hits the surface of the water? Can you trace them as they travel from the central point all the way to the shore of the pond? I had nothing to do with the way racial tensions and segregation changed in the 60’s and 70’s in this country.  My contributions in that area were very small.

Ah, baby, I hope you don’t mind if I disagree. Look at the timing. You were the pebble God threw into the quiet pond! Without the pebble … the ripple don’t happen! I think God sent you at just the right time to effect change in this … as in so many other political situations. I think your modesty precludes you from claiming responsibility, but anyone with eyes can see that you sparked the change that swept this country. But wait … there is more!

What other political situations?

I’m getting there … hold your horses! In your late teens, after singing about unity and harmony and bringing the whole world together with your brothers for a decade, you branched out on your own. And your first solo album made people sit up and take notice. We all watched that beautiful young man Rock With Us and he didn’t Stop Until He Got Enough! And we all fell in love all over again! I mean who could help it? You were gorgeous, breathtaking! More and more of us were paying attention … and not just in this country … all around the world! Young Caucasian and Oriental and African American and Native American women were buying your records in droves and hanging posters of an African American male on their bedroom walls … something that wouldn’t have been acceptable even twenty years earlier. Parents would have been outraged at the inter-racial implications! But, by this time, or very shortly after … most of the parents were listening to your records, too! LOL!

Then, you changed into a werewolf and seriously went on the prowl, gobbling up all the barriers set in your path voraciously. In the U.S., you brought out the big guns with short films … and moonwalked through the color barrier on American television; it was never the same. With those films, you further cemented your rightful place in all our hearts. The Motown 25 performance of Billie Jean roped in every demographic, regardless of arbitrary divisions … those divisions just didn’t matter when it came to Michael Jackson … and made it possible for you to gather all your friends in the music industry together to make history with music, achieving something that had never been done before.  You took members of the most egotistical industry in the world and made them all leave their egos at the door, united them in a cause far beyond their own glorification. For Africa, you sang We Are the World and fed Ethiopia … literally!

Abroad, you became the first ‘global phenomenon!’ All over the world, young people of every nationality, creed, language and demographic were singing Thriller and Beat It and Billie Jean. The words ‘Michael Jackson’ were the first English words many people around the world ever learned. Your dream of bringing all the colors of the world together to sing in harmony … which you had sung about with your brothers all those years … came true in concert ‘love-ins’ across  the globe. The atmosphere of L.O.V.E. generated at those concerts had to affect the political weather in those countries; when that much L.O.V.E. is gathered together in one place, the atmosphere changes. It charges the electrons or protons or quarks or something! There is scientific research being conducted about the effects of the generation of concentrated, motivated energy … otherwise known as prayer. While you were up there singing and dancing your heart out … your audiences … often numbering over a hundred thousand people… were generating enough love energy to change the political climate! And that’s not even counting the love and healing energy you broadcast at all the hospitals and orphanages you visited on those tours before going on stage.

One day soon, scientists are going to be making wonderful discoveries … maybe they should more appropriately be called ‘rememberings’ … about how musical notes and rhythms affect the atoms and molecules in plants and animals … and people. There is so much yet to be ‘remembered’ by the human race. These things are not new; they are things that we already know … we come into the world from the world of spirit knowing these things … but don’t remember that we know them. These ‘rememberings’ are going to change the world. It’s an exciting time.

And we’re back to occultism, aren’t we? I love it! [Michael giggles.] Your voice entered into all the closed, barred and hidden places, wedging itself into every crack and crevice, leaving the doors ajar for new openness and global community. A visitor to the Soviet Union in the late 1980’s commented that his car was stopped at a checkpoint with a very grim-looking Soviet guard standing with rifle poised at his side. The visitor’s car was blasting the Thriller album and as the car approached the guard, a huge grin replaced his very serious mien and he started nodding his head in time to the music. When the car stopped and rolled down the window, the guard said “Michael Jackson” with a huge smile plastered across his face. Was that openness to new thought a coincidence? Shortly after that there was no more totalitarian regime in Russia and the countries that comprised the Soviet Union were independent territories with autonomous populations. Can you honestly say that your presence in the homes and hearts of the young people in those countries had nothing to do with that?

The children of Sarajevo regularly received airlifted medical supplies and food from the United Nations, but the packages they really looked forward to were the ones marked ‘Heal The World’ because they contained better food products, blankets and TOYS … someone had remember that there were children who needed to play … even in a war zone! Those children will always remember that … no matter what they go on to do in life, they will remember that someone thought of them … that they were important to someone by the name of Michael Jackson. Was that a coincidence?

When you whizzed into town to perform, the arenas filled everywhere you went. You performed in West Germany on one side of the Berlin Wall in 1987 … and by 1989 … little more than two years later … there was no east or west … or wall … there was just oneness! Was that a coincidence?

Whoa! I was not responsible for any of that! Those kinds of things are not the creations of one single event or person. Those kinds of things build up. The people become ready over time for change. Jimmy Jam once said that in an interview. I can’t remember his exact words, but it was around the HIStory release. He said that an artist can do the best he can on the music and then release it … I think he was referring to Billie Jean and that the short film broke black artists into MTV … but he said that that was just something that happened. I agree. No one could have predicted that. No one can create that. It’s not something that you aim for. It was just the circumstances that surrounded that release. God’s plan is all-inclusive … even broad enough to encompass the most insignificant of Her children and only God can trace all the ripples that radiate out from the pebble.

That’s true, Michael. I agree. But, then, something has to come along and ignite that fire … spark that plug … activate that switch … be the catalyst that produces transformation. And in all the cases I mentioned above, you were that spark. You were the havoc that God wreaked upon this generation! I mean … look at the timing … the Berlin Wall was taken apart … stone-by-stone … by the very people it had separated for forty years … little more than two years after you played on one side of it. She gave you a voice that couldn’t help but get our attention. She gave you a body that responded to Music with beauty and grace as well as igniting fires of passionate desire in a lot of us … a mind that plucked and transcribed music from the very air we all breathe … and a knack for performance that will never be equaled.

God’s Plan included you. She placed you … with your musical abilities and talents … and with your consent … and with your great love smack in the middle of these circumstances … and in so doing … changed them. You were the catalyst … the spark that ignited the chains of events in each of the above political situations … that resulted in change for the better. You sang, “He say someday you will see this face in world history.” It is my fervent prayer that history will recognize your many contributions to our global family soon. God cannot ignore … nor will She allow us to ignore … such a fine example of living Her plan for long! That day will be a blessing for this world! I pray that I live to see it!

Aww! God bless you!

Jan – February 18, 2011

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Conversations – Installment #14

Week of February 5 through February 12, 2011

Okay … you can stop laughing now!

[Michael’s laugh just crescendos.] I’m not laughing at you … I’m laughing with you. I am sorry … but I gotta ask … how does the tongue thing help?

Huh? What are you talkin’ about?

[Still giggling.] Well, when you are doing this, your tongue is stickin’ out the corner of your mouth. It reminds me of Berry’s tongue when we were recording … he used to kinda chew on it and stick it in his cheek. It showed he was concentrating really, really hard. Thinking! The worst thing a dancer can do … dancing is feeling! How many times did you hear me tell you that? And there is this pained look on your face … like someone is sticking needles in you … or you are about to hurl! I hope my face didn’t look like that when I was out on stage. [Oh, stop fishing for compliments … you know you were absolutely beautiful … gorgeous … stunning out there!] [Michael giggles, again!] This is supposed to be fun … not rocket science!

Girl, close your eyes. Let that rhythm get into you. Don’t try to fight it. There aint nothin’ that you can do. Relax your mind. Lay back and groove with mine. [Singing!] [I just love these private concerts! Okay two different images just flashed through my mind … one following the other very quickly. When you started singing, I saw you standing really close in front of me and gazing down into my eyes … and it feels like your voice is in your fingertips … and I can feel them caressing my arms slowly and gently … sensually … and your body is doing that wavy movement that starts in your hips and just works its way all the way up to your shoulders and neck! Woohoo! Thank you! What a beautiful feeling and visualization! God, be still my beating heart! Baby, it’s a good thing you didn’t do that to me in your physical life because your beautiful bones woulda got jumped right then and there! [Michael giggles.] But God bless you for giving me that gift now; the hairs on my arms and neck are standing straight up in the air and waving at me! The next image is you performing Rock With You in Yokohama, first leg of the BAD Tour … you did the same move that John Travolta did in that movie … I call it ‘buttoning his shirt sleeves’ [I know just the one you mean.] … what was the name of it … Saturday Night Fever … that’s it … only you just slid right into the movement and your hips were so much more fluid and you were so much more beautiful doing it! When I saw SNF, I thought he was pretty cool … then I saw you doing it and thought “Jeez, Travolta isn’t even in the same church … let alone the same pew!”

[Michael laughs.] The music was phenomenal in Saturday Night Fever … BeeGees … I love ‘em! And John did a great job in that movie; he could really dance! Yeah, I agree … great music! And John Travolta was okay until you came along; he is NOT Michael Jackson. There is no comparison!

It might as well be rocket science to me! You were born with a modicum of rhythm. Actually, that’s not true … you got it all! When God was giving out rhythm, I was so not paying attention!  She gave you mine and about 6 million other people’s!

Beloved, I gotta tell you … trying to move like Michael Jackson just makes us all appreciate your beauty and grace all the more. If just any ‘Joe Bloe’ off the street could do this on the first try, you wouldn’t have been the special human being you are! I’ve tried dancing to a couple of these songs … only the ones marked ‘Easy,’ mind you … but you … are …  amazing! The fact that you sang at the same time is just mind-blowing. How did you do that? I wouldn’t even attempt that … nor have I even attempted the ones marked “Medium” … or “Hard” … and let’s just forget the one rated “Inhuman!”

There’s one rated “Inhuman?”

Yeah, Thriller is marked Hard for the backup dancers … but under your icon it says, ‘Inhuman’ … LOL!

Inhuman, that’s funny! [Chuckles.]

Okay, for my readers, I better explain what we are laughing about. At the end of Installment #13, I asked if Michael would help me out with some of the dances on my new Wii version of Michael Jackson: The Experience. For those of you out there who haven’t seen this thing, yet … let me just say that it is phenomenal! The graphics are beautifully designed … they have Michael’s moves down pat (even the neck snaps and shoulder and head movements) … and, of course, you can’t beat the music!  The one drawback is that you don’t really see his face … not a lot of detail in his face, but if done properly, these movements could definitely be a work out, so I bought the system and game as an investment in my overall health and well-being!

Yeah, right … I am so not buying that for a second! [Michael’s laugh just bubbles out of him!]

Okay, so maybe I just couldn’t stand that there was something out there ‘Michael Jackson’ that I didn’t have! I will admit that was partial motivation for the considerable investment. But, it would be a wonderful fringe benefit if I was motivated to learn the dances … and lost a little weight into the bargain!

When I first brought the system home, I ran through all the songs … just watching each song to see what the designers thought of as ‘easy’ and what they thought of as ‘medium’ or ‘hard’. The ‘easy’ ones are plenty hard enough for me … at least to start out with. Even Heal the World … [Oh, come on now … how hard could Heal the World be?] [Jan laughs. You’d be surprised! I am the most sedentary human being on the face of this planet. For me, at my age and the way I’ve abused my body for 61 years … walking up the stairs at work is hard!] I’ve done about four or five of them … and they are fun to try to keep up with the moves. The designers have ‘dumbed’ the dances down a bit, so that us poor, old, less-coordinated fools could at least attempt to keep up. Otherwise, it would just be a joke!

They’ve used the short films as starting points, but then they’ve modified the dance routines to make them a little easier and you can choose if you want to follow Michael or his back-up dancers (which in a few songs can be a little easier.) And there is a Dance School feature in which Travis Payne and a couple of other dancers go through specific songs and explain how to do them step-by-step … and then show you the moves to the music.

So, Michael … tell me … what am I doing wrong?

[Michael laughs again.] You are not doing anything wrong. You are new to this … it takes practice, practice, practice! And it takes a little while for your body to get used to moving in this way. It is not natural for you. I can tell you what would help, if you want.

Yes, please!

Okay … first of all … you need to relax! It isn’t the end of the world if you miss a move or you’re not exactly on the beat the first few times. No one is watching you (unless you count a dead man) … [Oh my God, you’re watching me? The world’s most accomplished dancer … and the love of my life, my heart, my soul’s truest friend? And I am making a total fool of myself? Great!] Don’t be silly! My love for you has nothing to do with your dancing ability. I would be totally hopeless operating that thing you call a laptop! If it makes you uncomfortable, I won’t watch! [If you expect me to send you away because I don’t want you watching me try to dance like Michael Jackson, you can just think again! I will never send you away. I might never get you back! (I’ve been there before and I didn’t like it!) I’ll put up with you watching me … if you’ll try not to hurt yourself too badly laughing! Deal?]

Deal! And a great lead in for my next helpful tip … I love it when a plan comes together, don’t you? [Michael seems to have a serious case of the giggles.] Um … those training videos with Travis and Maryssa are there for a reason. You know the ones I mean … what do the experts say?

They recommend stretching your back and legs and neck and shoulders before attempting any exercise program to loosen them up. Boring.

But necessary! You are going to hurt yourself if you don’t follow their recommendation … especially with the neck and shoulders and back and legs. Do I need to be blunt? You are not starting out at five-years-old, like I did. I always warmed up my body … as well as my voice. Those ligaments and tendons need to be stretched gently before you attempt to move them with the force and pace that you are going to be moving them. Just gentle stretches … a little yoga … or tai chi … will help limber you up so much. It will also help with the movements and transitions.

Third, you have to work on a little bit at a time (sometimes just one movement) until it becomes you … and once you’ve got that part to feel good and natural … then, you move on to another little bit. What you are doing is dancing to one song and then choosing another song without allowing your body to settle in … become accustomed … to the movements and rhythms of the first song. It would be really good if there were a way to pause the game after one movement to practice it until you get it right, but in most of the songs the movements (or series of movements) are repeated several times, which is the same thing, I guess.

I think you would probably be better off working on one of the easiest songs … like Heal The World … consistently until the mechanics of it have become natural to you and you don’t even have to watch the screen to do it correctly … and then, you put the feeling or emotion into it!  In this, I had an advantage over you. I was able to see a move or series of moves once and I was able to do it perfectly … my body kinda remembered what it saw without having to watch it over and over. I remember … during The Wiz, Diana took me aside and told me I was embarrassing her because I was learning the dance routines too quickly. [Michael giggles.] So, I didn’t have to watch them more than once. I can see that you weren’t blessed with that particular kind of ‘body memory’ (for lack of a better word) for dance. So, maybe just work on a small part of the song … one group of movements … so that they have a chance to sink into you. Then, move on to the next part of the song … and the next … until you can put it all together. Once the first song is in the bag, you move on and try another song.

What you are doing is just playing around, which is OK (and can be a lot of fun) as far as it goes. But, if you really want to serious up with the dancing as well as the workout,  you’ll work on one song … get it down so that you feel comfortable and able to keep up … and then move on to the next song. [Serious up?] Yeah, like get serious. [I knew what you meant, baby!] I also think you will find that perfecting one song at a time will also help you with the other songs, because the movements are all pretty much the same. You just put them together differently for different songs, if you see what I mean.

And last, you need to put your whole self into it. Nothin good ever comes easy. All good things come in due time. You’ve gotta have something to believe in. I’m tellin you to open your mind. You gotta put your heart on the line if you wanna make it right; you’ve gotta reach out and try. Gotta put your heart on the line if you wanna get it right. Gotta put it all on the line. [Singing again.] You are moving your arms to the arm movements … that movement needs to come from your heart and chest and back … put more of your heart and soul into it, kinda. It’s hard to explain what I mean. It can’t just be one isolated part of your body. Like a neck roll can’t just be your neck rolling. You will hurt it that way. It needs to start in the middle of your back … between your shoulder blades … and rise up to the neck roll. Your leg movements have to start in your middle and descend into your legs and feet, kinda. I’m not explaining what I mean very well, am I? [I think you’re marvelous. Imagine me … getting dance advice from Michael Jackson. This is rich! Jan laughs … with Michael joining in, of course!]

Okay! That’s really good advice! Thanks! But I gotta tell you, beloved … and I hate to sound like a broken record, here … but you made it look so easy! When you were up there dancing … regardless of how many backup dancers were up there with you … we could always tell which one you were. And it wasn’t just because of your costume or the lighting. You made the other dancers look almost like amateurs. And I don’t mean to sound critical … Lord knows, they are wonderful dancers. But, like the percussionist said in the Special Features of the This Is It double disc DVD, it looked like they were taking a clinic … and you were the master teacher.

Let me see if I can explain what I mean. You moved so easily and freely from one movement to another … there was no hesitation … you flowed with liquidity … like water flowing in a quiet pond or a river with no rapids or rocks. Your body was so beautiful when you danced … so incredibly graceful … so natural! Your backup dancers were very energetic and wonderful dancers, but their movements were more pronounced and choppier … there was too much effort visible in their movements … more like that same water tumbling over rocks and logs and currents in their way. Where you flowed around the movements without needing to dominate or overcome them  … like a Zen garden where the sand is raked around the rocks and trees or a stream that parts to flow around an impediment … Travis and the others flowed over them … conquered them … dominated them … bent them to their will.  You became them … flowed into, around and through them … joined with them and became one! It’s the difference between making love … and having sex … they are not the same thing at all. You made love to the movements … and the song … and the audience. Your backup dancers had sex with the movements … and the audience. I think the difference must be L.O.V.E.

Aww! God bless you! That is such a beautiful way to describe something like dancing. Zen garden … I love that! There was an almost meditative, Zen-like quality to it, sometimes. But it was a lot of hard work, too, to get it to that point  … don’t get me wrong, I loved it … I always loved to dance. I couldn’t be around music without some part of my body moving in time … my foot tapping … or my fingers or my neck snapping. I know you noticed that in the depositions in Mexico City about The Girl is Mine … but it was a lot of hard work … and practice, practice, practice … to get it just right … perfect.

Yeah, well … I can tell you right now … I will never be ‘perfect’ at this … the way you moved is a gift … it can never be duplicated!

There, you see? Lesson number one: Never go into something with the idea that you are incapable of achieving perfection because you create that as your reality … you will be incapable of achieving perfection because you have doomed yourself to that fate from the very beginning. You have a very low opinion of yourself … low self-esteem. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about this for some time. This is as good a time as any.

You recently saw a picture … and read a quote … that really made you stop and pay attention. Would you do me a favor … and put that quote right here, please?

Sure, beloved. Is this the one?

“No matter what, the most powerful thing in the world is the human mind … and prayer … and belief in yourself … and confidence … and perseverance. No matter how many times you do it, you do it again until it is right … and always believe in yourself … and no matter who’s around you that’s being negative or blasting negative energy at you – totally block it off … because whatever you believe you become” – MJ

Yup, that’s the one. Now will you please take the last six words … and YELL THEM!

BECAUSE WHATEVER YOU BELIEVE, YOU BECOME!!!

Very good … end of lesson one. [Michael giggles.] I want you to find a place that you will see every day … at eye level … and hang these words there. I want you to read these words to yourself … out loud, if you have to … every day … as often as you see them! But don’t just read them and forget them … I want you to read them and internalize them … make them yours! Whatever you believe, you become!

When we were in the studio recording Thriller, I had a goal to sell 100 million records. I wrote it on my mirror with Janet’s lipstick and I would talk to Q and Bruce about it in the studio. And they were always like, “can’t be done” or “we don’t want you to be disappointed” or “no one has ever done that with one record” or “be realistic” or any number of other things. It has always been my opinion that their ‘reality’ is way over-rated! It would literally bring tears to my eyes because they didn’t realize that they were chaining my legs to the ground … when I wanted to soar! They were trying to be helpful … they didn’t want me to be disappointed if it didn’t happen. But they didn’t realize that what they shoulda been saying is, “Then, let’s go for it!” or “What are we waiting for?” When Thriller hit the 100 million records mark, I just sat down and cried tears of  joy and gratitude … and thanked God, of course, for making my dream come true! It took a while, but … it happened … and that’s where that word that you ‘know how to spell and that’s all that should be required of you’ comes in! Thriller sold over 100 million records … and it’s still selling. It’s a beast! If I had listened to them … believed them … internalized their doubt … I would have sabotaged that and Thriller wouldn’t have happened. And the short film for Thriller wouldn’t have happened. “It’s time you opened up … have some faith!” [Michael sings this line.]

It was the same thing with the lean in Smooth Criminal. Everyone wanted to explain to me how it couldn’t be done … they didn’t want me getting my hopes up only to be dashed … because what I wanted to do went against the physical laws of gravity and physics … and all the time they were trying to talk me out of it, I was imagining how it could be done and what it would take to make it happen and thinking about the mechanics of it and how to overcome them … and make it look natural and fluid and graceful. Again, their physical laws are way over-rated, in my opinion. If I had let them shake my faith in my ability and drive, Smooth Criminal wouldn’t have happened. I would have sabotaged it from the ‘get go.’ In Ghosts, Stan would come up to me and say things like, “there’s no way to film that and get it just the way you are describing it,” or “it can’t be done” … and I would say, “Oh, yes there is!” and “Oh, yes, it can!”  With so many of my projects, I was the only one who saw what I wanted to create as possible. But I wouldn’t let them talk me out of my belief in myself … and my knowledge that the impossible just takes a little longer … and involves a lot more effort … and dedication … and drive … and FAITH! When everyone around you says, “No!” … you say, “Yes, yes, yes!” and “Thank you, God, for helping me achieve this.”

Now, I am not saying that you need to become the next ‘Michael Jackson’ here … or be absolutely perfect at these dances … but if you are going to spend some of your valuable time (which … let’s face it … you don’t have a whole lot of) playing this game, you want to go into it with an attitude of: with a reasonable expense of time and effort, I can do this! I can do anything I dream because what I believe, I become. And I can lose weight and have fun while I’m doing it! Have some faith in yourself! Dedicate a little time and a little effort. Be the dream!

Beloved, you are so inspiring and I love you so much. [I love you more!]

Okay, I took your advice and worked on just one song for a while … Heal the World … it’s pretty easy … as a matter of fact, I think it’s probably the easiest song on this game because there aren’t any real complicated lower body movements, but there are lots of arm and shoulder movements … and I got myself up to 8000 points … four stars out of five. It may have been a fluke, because I only got that high once out of maybe ten or twelve attempts. Generally, three stars and more than 7000 points is my average for that song. That’s good! See? Keep workin’ it until you feel confident enough to be able to do it without watching the screen. You’ll get there! But I wouldn’t worry too much about the points … have fun with it … put some laughter and fire into it! But I gotta tell you, my shoulders and arms and neck and back are SORE from the unaccustomed activity. [Gentle stretches before attempting any exercise to which you are unaccustomed. Boring. [Michael is mimicking me! And then he giggles.] And … don’t forget … a cool-down period with a few more stretches would be a good idea so that those muscles don’t freeze up or tense and give you trouble later!] Sheesh, baby … this is beginning to sound like some kind of personal training program! [Yup … personal training in Dancing … and Having Faith in Yourself 101! I love it!]

Laura says that I get better scores, but she ‘looks cooler’ doing it! She’s undoubtedly right!

She’s so cute! One of these evenings, I want to try it. I love video games! Would you let me try it?

Absolutely! Of course, I would let you try it! Can you do that, Michael? How would you do that?

I don’t know, not sure, but it would be fun. I’ll get back to you on that.

Jan – February 11, 2011

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Conversations – Installment #13

Week of January 29 through February 5, 2011

Beloved, have you switched from butterflies to robins?

What? What are you talkin’ about? [Michael giggles.]

Well, last week on Friday afternoon, I left the building for my break and there were literally about a hundred red-breasted robins looking for food on the ground outside the building I work in. Now, you have to understand. I live in a part of the country where robins are seen as harbingers of Spring! It’s the end of January … and they are predicting between twelve and fifteen inches of snow for today and tomorrow! No self-respecting robin would be caught dead around here at this time of the year unless their timeshare on the gulf coast went bust!  [Michael laughs.] And when I walked out of the building, one of them with a big, fat, red breast (dressed to kill … just like one of those amazing vests you wore during the trial) … cocked his head and stared at me!

Now, I know you’re not going to accuse me of attacking you with robins, right? [Michael laughs again.] Butterflies are very suggestible, but robins are pretty hard to influence. Now, I’m the robin-whisperer?

I swear … this one robin just sat there and stared at me!

Sounds to me like he was very confused. [Michael giggles.] Actually, there is a much more likely explanation. Nature has her secrets; the robins probably sensed the snow coming and decided to get all the food they could while they could, so that they could survive the snow. The animal kingdom has some pretty uncanny senses … like birds and animals take cover just before a violent storm hits, for example. This was probably just a manifestation of those “secrets and magic of nature” I mentioned. This kind of stuff fascinated me in life … I just loved to read about and speculate about such things … totally curious and loved to learn.

Okay … I’ll cut you some slack on the robins … not because I don’t think you could do it … but because I am not as sure about the robins as I am about the butterflies. That one you can’t deny! I know that was you! The robins could just be a little confused … or their uncanny sense of the secrets and magic of nature may have compelled them to gather food … I’ll grant you that.

Will you talk to me, my heart, about Rabbi Schmuley and his book?

Of course, what do you want to know?

Well, first of all, did you intend for your conversations with him to be put in the public domain?

Yes, that was always the intention. We were writing a book together about childhood. When I was re-born, I had not signed a formal agreement regarding the book, but it was always our intention to make these conversations and transcripts into a book for people to be able to read my thoughts about children and the International Children’s Day. So, although there was no formal agreement in place, we had discussed what we wanted to happen with the tapes on an informal basis.

A lot of us were upset when the Rabbi published his first book based on these conversations because it came out after you had departed … and we felt that these conversations were private ones between a man and his spiritual confessor, sort of … and should not have been published without your prior approval and knowledge. Many of us also felt that the good Rabbi was taking advantage of your re-birth to make the almighty dollar. We didn’t like the timing of the thing. I, personally, also didn’t like some of the comments he made while promoting the book … his anger at you, for example. He was angry about your re-birth. Where the rest of us were sad, heartbroken … he was angry! I didn’t like that.

Different people express grief in different ways. We were very good friends … until he began to think that he could dictate who I am … convert me to his way of thinking, kinda, you know? [Yes, baby, I know.] But it was always our intention to make these views public. In this he did nothing against my wishes … and the timing was perfect … my departure added impact that would otherwise not have occurred … just like with the roughly-filmed and edited rehearsal footage. I wanted the world to begin to take stock of the way it was treating its children … as throwaways … burdens. I wanted children to be given the respect they deserve … because children today are pushed to the side. I remember … I once was in a meeting with a whole bunch of people … lawyers and business executives … and a child entered the room. Everyone just totally ignored the child’s presence. I made them all stop and say ‘hello’ to the child … to acknowledge the Child’s presence as if God had just walked into the room … because He had!

Children in our culture are not respected! They and their presence are ignored. We talk over them or around them … rather than to them. They are given no importance. Society has told adults that they have to work … it’s the expectation that society has placed on them … and they get so totally invested in their jobs … they become identified with them working long hours … and when they get home from work, they’re tired and just want to relax and try to find a little peace … but in all this busyness, their children are ignored and their needs for companionship and love and acknowledgment and role-modeling are neglected.

I so get what you are saying, beloved. I know you know that I am raising my granddaughter. [Yes, I know … I was here the night of the Memorial Service and watched you check on her with tears rolling down your face. God bless you for doing that!] Thank you, my heart, but you have to know … it’s hard … being 61-years-old and raising an 8-year-old is not easy. I work a full-time, eight-hour-a-day job (with the commute it’s closer to 10-hours a day) … and, then, I come home and help with homework … and prepare her meals … and get her bathed and ready for school the next day and in bed by 8:30 (which gives me exactly three hours from the time I get home to the time she has to be tucked in) so that she gets enough rest to enable her to get through her days at school. I don’t care how you slice it, baby … that’s fourteen hour days every day! [Yes, my mother is doing the same thing, now … and she is 80-years-old. I’m sure she understands exactly where you’re coming from. But, she has help … people to help her keep the house clean and do the laundry and even take care of the kids. You don’t have that kind of help. I know how exhausting it is. I took care of my three babies as often as I could … but I was younger when I was doing it and I had the same kind of help … people to take care of the grounds and keep house and cook meals and do laundry! You are doing it all by yourself and I know it’s not easy! My mother cared for ten of us … ten! (Counting my father, that is.) I don’t know how she did it!]

Well, there are times (particularly, when we are rolling along with these Conversations) when I just want to be left alone … not be bothered with the ordinary, humdrum necessities of life … and to dive head first into our chats … and she needs some attention or wants to play a game or wants me to read her a bedtime story … and I have to be very careful about how I respond to her needs … to not be short with her and brush her aside. Yeah, I know … I had the same problem … involved in working out a dance routine … or recording a song … and Prince or Paris or Blanket would want me to do something with them. We have to be so careful to not make them feel less important than the ‘oh, so important’ grown-up things that we are involved in and committed to … to give them the feeling that they are the most important thing in our lives. They keep our hearts open to the magic of life … innocence and love.

She has to be your first priority! She is more important than anything! Please, never neglect her needs to complete something that we are working on. She’s the most important thing you have to do … your most important job. I can wait! Heaven can wait! The universe can wait! That’s how important her needs are to me. If we need to stop and return to it later, just let me know … and I will hold that thought! We are forever! I know you feel that in your heart. It is true!

Thank you, beloved … I do appreciate that.

And you have to remember to take time to rest and regroup, sometimes … it’s important for your overall health and well-being that you just drift, occasionally, do nothing but relax. Don’t forget that!

You are my heart and soul’s rest, beloved! You know that. [God bless you. You have to know … I love you more!] There is nothing more restful for me than to sit with my laptop on my knees and talk to you … and feel your presence … and know that you are still here. You are my joy … my best of joy … our love’s a sacred thing … just like you sang in that beautiful song. Did you know that you would be expressing US so beautifully and accurately when you recorded Best of Joy?

No, I thought I was expressing me! But I’m glad it worked out so well for us both. I love it when a plan comes together, don’t you? [Michael laughs out loud!]

Okay … stop distracting me … back to the subject of Rabbi Schmuley! When his first book was published, he went on Dateline and talked about it and played some of the tapes with your voice talking about your childhood. One of those discussions centered on your description of some of the beatings you received from Joseph … and I determined right then and there that I would not buy the book.

Why? I don’t understand.

Okay … let me see if I can explain. While I love hearing your beautiful voice in whatever context it may appear, my own childhood was less than ideal, perhaps, not to the same extent as yours … but less than ideal in some of the same ways. Hearing your voice talk about the cruelty you endured … put me back there, in a way … it knotted my stomach and my heart raced … it placed me in that fear and darkness again … just like I felt when my own step-father was still around and still had that kind of power over me. I couldn’t go there again … couldn’t live from that place again. I couldn’t bear to think of you being treated with such cold-hearted brutality and pre-meditated cruelty! It hurt me! I KNEW that you were afraid and battered intellectually … but I couldn’t EXPERIENCE it by reading words taped from your own mouth. I had to turn Dateline off … couldn’t even watch the entire thing … my empathy for your suffering was too great!

Yes, I understand. Thank you and God bless you! This is how I felt when I would see all the children from the inner city come to Neverland. I could see in their eyes how beaten down by their lives they were and it gave me such a sense of God’s approval knowing that when they left their smiles actually had replaced that look of being hunted and battered by life … the look in their eyes said it all! They didn’t have to say a word.

Yes … you do understand, don’t you? Well, I didn’t buy the Rabbi’s book for that reason … and because I kind of agreed with the money angle previously stated … didn’t want him to make money from your re-birth. But, this past week, one of my dear friends and internet colleagues sent me an electronic copy of his second book … in which you talk about childhood and your views on remaining childlike … and I read it. I was so moved by your descriptions of the attributes of children.

You really feel that God expresses Himself/Herself through children, don’t you?

I absolutely know it! Remember, I have a wider-angle view than you do, now! I’ve been embraced within Her LOVE, now. She is playful, sweet, humble and has a great sense of humor. She views Her creation with the awe and wonder of a baby, especially us! Her love for us is boundless, passionate, empathic. She forgives as easily as a child. She loves openly and freely and Her love heals us and the world we inhabit as well as the pains we inflict upon each other … if we just open ourselves to it and allow that healing to occur.

He is not vengeful, jealous or mean like humans have depicted Him for centuries. Mankind’s definition of love is a dim reflection of the Love of God … as the moon is a dim reflection of the brilliance of the sun … no comparison! As beautiful as human love is, we can have no idea of the passionate, all-encompassing LOVE of our Creator!

Look at a child who has been abused or neglected. You can see his fear and torment clearly depicted in his eyes … yet he runs to his parent who abuses him … he protects him … he makes excuses for him … he defends him … he loves him although he doesn’t understand why his abuser treats him so meanly, he forgives him and remains loving. That is God in a nutshell.

I’ve told you before in these Conversations … God is a victim of bad press! After millennia of being misrepresented by His human children … of having his motives questioned and human motivations applied to Him which he could never even begin to encompass … of being accused of being jealous and vengeful and anxious to throw His children into the fiery pit and endless torture … He still tries to make Himself known to us … by giving us our children … and gifting us with their clarity and purity and selfless innocence.

"No matter what, the most powerful thing in the world is the human mind & prayer & belief in yourself & confidence & perseverance. No matter how many times you do it, you do it again until it is right & always believe in yourself, & no matter whose around you that's being negative or blasting negative energy at you - totally block it off because whatever you believe you become" - MJ

My heart, are you aware of how the above beautiful description of God could easily … and without any stretch of the imagination … also be a description of your life?

Awww! God bless you! But, please, don’t compare me to God … there is no comparison!

I disagree, beloved. As unpopular (and, even, blasphemous) as that view may be, I maintain my right to hold it. (I have always known that I would have been barbecued a couple of hundred years ago. It doesn’t bother me, anymore!) [Michael giggles.]

In the Oprah interview, you said that you tried to be God-like in your heart. I think you succeeded admirably and with great style.  I believe that you embodied what She always intended for us to be … you exemplified innocence, generosity, humility, forgiveness and the kind of unconditional LOVE that we often hear about, but seldom, if ever, experience. You adamantly refused to allow this world to turn you from your childlike innocence … or make you hate those who persecuted you.  And you addressed this very directly with the Rabbi (at least, as your words are reported by him.) You questioned why the world felt the need to be so cruel to you, didn’t understand how a reporter could be so mean … but you told him that you never wanted to hate back … that you didn’t have that in you … because you never wanted to lose your ability to be innocent.

God bless you! Yes, that’s true. Nothing kills innocence faster than hatred. I wanted to remain innocent and trusting like a child … even when that trust landed me in circumstances that caused me great pain or, even,  irreparable harm. I would rather err on the side of trust and love and innocence … than on the side of safety and suspicion and hardness of the heart. It was a conscious decision on my part. Some are claiming that it was the result of physical damage when I was a child, but that is not true. It was who I chose to be … what I wanted to remain.

You’ve also maintained in these conversations that we were never kicked out of the Garden of Eden … that with our own callous disregard for ourselves and our beautiful planet … by allowing hatred and fear to enter our hearts and make a home for themselves there … we have relegated the Garden to the same status that we have assigned to a child’s dreams and imagination … that somehow such things are not … um … how do I want to say this? … REAL … not cool … not mature … not ‘street smart’ enough for the adult world we all inhabit. That such things are childish and beneath our ‘oh, so, sophisticated’ sensibilities. I believe that God awaits our return to the Garden of Eden when we are done playing with our dangerous toys … fear and anger and hatred … if Her beautiful garden survives those dangerous games.

By the way, baby … thanks for coming to visit me.

What? What are you talkin’ about, now?

Well, I just took a little break from our Conversation … because I am at home today. The Midwest is pretty much closed down today. They are predicting the worst blizzard in twenty-five years for my area. But I have power and water and food and it is snowing to beat the band out there and I don’t have to go anywhere … God is good! Laura has been asking to watch Moonwalker for the last couple of days, so I thought it would be good to relax and watch for a while. As we sat and watched, I smelled you … your cologne … it was like you came to visit and gave me a big hug! Thank you.

Are you sure? It could have just been left over from the last time you wore my cologne? Or maybe you left the top of the bottle a little bit off?

No way, beloved … I am sure … you were here … right next to me! I am absolutely sure!

Good! Very good! You felt it … you sensed it … you smelled it … it is REAL! That is the kind of surety you need to create your reality … as you are doing every second of every day! Now, you have the tools to create the reality you want to inhabit! You don’t need me anymore! [Please, baby … never say that … my need for you in my life is infinite … it will never stop! Just like my love for you is infinite.]

While I was watching Moonwalker, I was impressed … again … with the short film for Smooth Criminal. What a masterpiece it is! And I was reminded again of my reaction to the film after having not seen it for a long time shortly after your re-birth. I had somehow lost track of my videotapes and some of them disappeared during that time when I was not paying attention. I found it on one of the online sites and bought it and viewed it immediately upon receiving it in the mail. Smooth Criminal is such a telling film. Actually, the whole thing is incredible … but Smooth Criminal tells us everything we need to know about you and children.

You are the protector of children in the film as in real life … as you’ve stated in speeches,  ‘the voice of the voiceless’ … and you left the children in the film after destroying the drug dealer (played by Joe Pesci) … but when Katy wished for your return, you came back. When that scene played … after I hadn’t watched it for so long … and after you had been reborn … I just broke down and sobbed uncontrollably and said in my heart with Katy in the film, ‘I wish you would come back’ like you do in the film. [And here I am! Just like in the film, through the smoke and mirrors … I am here. These Conversations are proof of that.]

You said something to the Rabbi as well as to several other interviewers. You said that if you were told you couldn’t see children … help children … be with children … you would kill yourself because the world would have nothing more to show you. The Rabbi was very respectful of those words in this second book, which I think is going to be entitled, Honoring the Child Spirit.

In the Introduction, he postulates that that is exactly what happened … that the constant barrage of suspicion and mistrust and misrepresentation destroyed the public’s faith in you which made it impossible for you to continue to reach out to the children. He proposes that this so wounded your spirit that you were unable to recover from that wound.

Yes, as I told you in one of our earlier Conversations (I think it was in the first installment) … my effectiveness was affected. They had stolen the world’s faith in me … and even my good friends wouldn’t allow me to go to the children … not because they, too, had lost faith in me … but to protect me from any further negative comment from the media and paparazzi … to shield me from the harmfulness of others. When it reached that point, there was nowhere left to go. I could no longer do the work that I knew it had been given me to do. Half of my mission was destroyed and I couldn’t continue with only half of my soul being expressed in the world. I still had the other half … the performing half … but it had always been fed by the half that was most comfortable surrounded by children … just as the performing part nourished it, if that makes any sense.

Yes, beloved … it makes perfect sense! Most of us are getting by expressing only half … if that … of our souls. But, that was never enough for you … and that fact is obvious in all that you did while you were among us! Thank you for that example … for showing us how to put our entire selves into everything we do … just as you did.

When you were out there … and that power was rushing through you … did it hurt you?

Not usually. It felt a little like a warm, fragrant wind blowing through me. Sometimes, it was like a breeze … other times it was like a more violent storm or like a jolt of lightning flashing within my body, but Music was always very gentle with me … very solicitous. There were times, especially after 1996 when that bridge came crashing down with me on it … when my back hurt … and I would stand at the side of the stage and wonder how I was ever going to get through the show. She would just take over and it would be like my back was fine again. After the shows, it would ache miserably because of the pace and force of the performances and I would have a hard time sleeping because of the pain, but during the show, I was fine.

I have several concerts on DVD … and occasionally it sounds like your voice has given out … like in Korea during the J5 numbers when you go to sing I’ll Be There, your voice sounds scratchy and hoarse.

Yeah, that happened a lot … but the audiences didn’t seem to notice it all that much … or if they did, they didn’t seem to mind. Music found a way to compensate for my physical limitations, kinda, you know?

No, what do you mean?

Well, it would be during those shows that something unusual would happen … or I would pour more of myself into the dancing … or something. Something always made those shows more memorable, somehow. For example, at the show you mentioned in Korea … there was a guy who ran up the cherry picker arm during Earth Song. Scared the bejeezus out of me to see him coming at me as the crane was rising toward its peak … and I wondered, “What the heck is happenin’ here?” When he reached the cage, I put my arm around him and held him in place so that he wouldn’t be hurt and continued the performance, but it was pretty scary. The crowd loved it, though … and the guy seemed to love it … didn’t want to let go of me when the crane reached the stage … security had to pull him away. [Michael giggles.] I hope they weren’t too rough with him. I was so blessed that no one was really ever seriously injured in the crushes and crowds as they entered and left the arenas! Thankfully, it all turned out okay, but that could have been major, if you know what I mean. What if he had fallen from that crane and broken his neck?

Yeah … that would not have been good. Okay, beloved, one last question before we end this session, please.

Shoot!

Well, I just couldn’t stand that there was something ‘Michael Jackson’ out there that I didn’t have … so, I went out and bought the Wii console and Michael Jackson The Experience game for it. Now, there were multiple reasons for me getting this thing not the least of which is that I thought that maybe I could actually lose a little weight while trying to learn how to dance. But, I’m going to need a little encouragement, here, baby … not to play it … because the graphics are phenomenal and very enjoyable to just watch … you would love this thing … but to actually get up off my booty and shake it so that I can lose some weight. So, you gonna teach me to dance?

[Michael laughs! A little too long and hard!]

Cruel! You are just plain cruel!

(Note: Special thanks to Be God’s Glow at Major Love Prayer for the use of the beautiful photograph and caption. It’s all for L.O.V.E.)

Jan – February 4, 2011

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