August 20 through August 27, 2011
You’ve been avoiding me. Why?
I haven’t been avoiding you, my Beloved. How can I avoid my own soul, my own breath? It’s impossible.
Well, there’s a huge elephant in the room that you are dancing around. I think I know what it is, but I also think we need to discuss it. So, let’s get it out of the closet and out in the open. Tell me what’s bothering you.
Really, Michael, it’s nothing.
Okay … then let’s attack it from another angle. Did you enjoy our encounter the other night?
Enjoy? Enjoy would hardly be the word I would use to describe it. What you call our ‘encounter’ was a moving, life-altering experience for me. It was so beautiful. You are so beautiful … and loving … and tender … and masterful. You left me breathless, trembling for more … like the brightly colored leaves of a tree when kissed by an autumn wind. I had to express the emotions that overflowed in me for days afterwards in some way, so I wrote a poem. I had to relay the meaning that was communicated with very few words … and without describing in graphic detail every little nuance of facial expression or touch … or the way each made me feel … because, after all, this is a family website. Enjoy seems like kind of a tepid word to describe the euphoria I experienced as a result of our ‘encounter.’
That’s where you’re wrong. Enjoy just simply means ‘in JOY.’ What could be better than the joy you felt in me … or the joy I felt in you … the joy we shared together? When two souls share each other so fully and completely … and intimately … their joy is not multiplied by two … but by a factor of ten! Why does it confuse you?
What could be better? For me never to wake up! For me to live there in that state of ecstatic communion with you all the time … for all of us to be so immersed in that overwhelming love and intimacy that we recognize no other reality.
[Michael laughs.] You’d never live through it. Your physical human body isn’t designed to tolerate that vibrational frequency … that kind of complete and total bliss … on a 24/7 basis. We’re pushing it pretty hard as it is!
But your soul is! And your soul IS living in that state of ecstatic communion with me … and with all creation … all the time. That state is your soul’s natural environment, its natural habitat. It is because your soul recognizes bliss as its natural state that our experience the other night becomes not only possible … but ecstatic. Furthermore, the joy that you felt in our encounter is just a foretaste of what your soul will experience when it is released from the physical restrictions human experience imposes upon it. That’s why you recognize it. That’s also why you didn’t feel fear; your world tells you our communion of sharing should have been a fear-filled episode as the world defines such things. I mean, let’s face it … to awaken consciously and see a naked ‘dead’ man walking towards you surrounded by blinding light … to be held immobile as this vision approaches … would be enough to scare anyone to death. Your trust and faith in me is awesome … and I so appreciate it. You experienced no fear during the event … and only minimal fear after the fact.
You exhibit that minimal fear by calling it a dream. By relegating it to ‘just a dream,’ you minimize its import. It was both more than … and less than … a dream. In a way, it was a dream in that it occurred at the cusp of consciousness between awake and asleep. But in its clarity and your awareness of consciousness at three distinct levels, it wasn’t a dream. It was, as you so aptly named it a Visitation … not just of me to you … but of you to me.
That brings up an interesting question, my Dear One. Why were there three of me in this Visitation?
That is an interesting question … and one to which I can only partially answer because the different levels of awareness and experience were not produced by me … they were produced by you. Perhaps, your soul needed a witness to these events … a watcher to help you remember with more clarity. Perhaps, it’s a symbol for the physical, mental, spiritual connection that we shared. Maybe the three indicated your lower self (which is always only attentive to your survival needs and is the place that most humans are living in and acting from), your self (which is concerned with learning and navigating this earthly experience and gaining understanding) and your Higher Self (which is connected to, lives and breathes LOVE in all its manifestations.) In any event, I believe it will all become clearer as our relationship progresses.
But I sense that that’s not what’s really bothering you, is it?
No, I think it’s that I am engulfed in the feeling that I don’t deserve to be so loved and the fear that our relationship will end because I don’t feel worthy of your love. I feel like I failed you, turned my back on you when the voices raised against our connection won out and the trials of my life became more than I could handle. I don’t feel beautiful enough … or young enough … or anything enough to be visited by the most beautiful Angel God ever gave wings.
There! I was right! [Michael claps his hands together … loudly, but just once.] There you go … putting yourself down again. You just insist on falling off that chair, don’t you? Don’t you remember what I told you in our last conversation? I am stabilizing the chair … and I am here to catch you if you do somehow manage to kick the chair out from under you with your doubts and insecurities. What part of the above statement don’t you understand?
There are so many silly and inaccurate statements in that paragraph that it would take months to unravel them all, so let’s just take them and deal with each briefly … one at a time.
First, you don’t deserve to be so loved. Since when did you become Jack the Ripper? Everybody deserves to be loved … unconditionally and without question! Contrary to what you might think, you are not the exception that proves the rule.
You ARE love; it is the state from which you spring and the one to which you return. It is only this momentary interval of physical incarnation in which you have deluded yourself into believing that love is a commodity which is bought and sold according to the actions or inactions of the object of love. In the language and culture of love, this belief is insanity. Love exists only to give love. It doesn’t ask, “What’s in it for me?” It doesn’t take account of right or wrong. Love gives love. That is its very nature. It doesn’t expect reward. It gives! Period!
When I was in that hotel room in Bangkok … and you were ‘on the dark side of the moon’ … and you saw and felt my misery and my need, did you ask if I deserved your love before you sent me that telegram? No! You found a way to send me your love when the whole world was telling you that the best I deserved was a firing squad. You shared my pain at the risk of your own health and peace of mind when the whole world was trampling my name in lurid imaginary fictions. You continued to support me with articles and letters and prayers which you wrote into stories for ten years … ten years!
Did you do that because I deserved it? No, not really. Who deserves that kind of devotion? On what scale does one measure ‘deserves’ or does not ‘deserve?’ You did it because you felt my need … and your heart responded with love and that love needed to be extended, offered, expressed. It wouldn’t let you sleep in its need to be expressed. And the universe responded to that need by sending you synchronicities that were messages … in license plates and fortune cookies … to encourage you to express it.
The physical telegram, itself, was not the most important manifestation of your love, though it was very much appreciated. The most important manifestation was the love and the insistent, mindful support of your prayers. You … and many like you … battered down Heaven’s gate on my behalf … asked for God’s blessing on my behalf … requisitioned a squadron of angelic intermediaries on my behalf. When I could not pray for myself because of my shock and disbelief and the pain drove me to overuse medications … you all prayed for me! Do you know how important that is? Can you possibly understand how grateful I am to all of you involved in ‘saving’ me from myself.
As I’ve said so many times before in these conversations, you never know how far those ripples from your thoughts and prayers extend or what effect those ripples have on eternity. They might even extend from the ‘dark side of the moon’ … all the way to Bangkok, Thailand or Singapore!
It’s like the quote you read and repeated to yourself over and over again last week. “To give love for the sake of getting love is human. To give love for the sake of giving love is angelic.” You had no idea if I would ever receive your gift … so you didn’t do it with any expectation of reward. Or if I did receive it, you couldn’t know what effect it would have … you just knew you had to do it. And you trusted in our completely illogical connection and had faith that your prayers would be effective.
You were moved beyond the physical confines of your human self … beyond the limitations you believed held you captive … beyond what everyone around you told you was logical or possible … and from your Higher Self, which lives in LOVE on a full-time basis, you sent me love in the form of spiritual support and encouragement. In that expression, you truly owned what you were created to be … God’s thought expressed in action … in other words, an Angel! And you continued to do so against the constant blows of the battering rams of the world’s expectations of you … what everyone was telling you was logical, reasonable … or sane!
If you don’t deserve my love, would you mind explaining to me who does?
You’ve discovered very recently (almost twenty years after the fact) that you were not the only one who heard my cry for help in Bangkok and Singapore. You knew at the time that Elizabeth jetted off and met me in Singapore and you were aware of her efforts on my behalf. However, you’ve connected with at least two more of my lovely ladies from around the world who responded in a similar manner … and at approximately the same time. You call them your Singapore Sisters. You were unaware of their existence until they made themselves known to you. They, too, shared this experience with us. Furthermore, there are others who reached out to me with their prayers for my safety and their love to lend me strength. Perhaps, you will connect with them someday as well, if not in this physical incarnation, we will all be together when this momentary human interval is completed. What a beautiful reunion that will be! I look forward to it with all my heart!
As far as worthy goes … I’ve told you before worthy and unworthy are human concepts. They have no reality in the place where we are one. Like deserving and undeserving, they are figments of your human imagination, manufactured by your ego to keep you tethered and shackled and firmly bound to the rack of fear and conflict in which it wants you to live because they create drama … and your ego thrives on drama and turmoil. If you are immersed in all the little dramas of your life, your ego remains in charge and in the driver’s seat. You don’t have the time or the energy to remember Who You Really Are because you are always in ‘crisis intervention’ mode! And Who You Really Are is LOVE; the only reason for this morality play in which you have been awarded the leading role is for you to remember that. There is no worthy or unworthy. There is only love. It is the only thing that is real. [Michael says the last ten words in a perfect impression of Yoda in Star Wars … “No! Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try.” Then, he giggles.]
And, now, we come to the big fear that our relationship is going to end. [Michael sighs deeply.] How many times have I told you that the only way this relationship is going to end is if you decide to end it and even then I will check in with you frequently to make sure that is what you really want? What part of that sentence haven’t you understood? How many more times will I have to say it? Read my lips! WE ARE FOREVER! I even sang it to you! WE ARE FOREVER … but you have to choose it. All of you have to choose it … every minute of every day.
And, sometimes that choice isn’t all that easy. For example, you may think that you need to rush to my defense against whatever current lie is making the circuit about me … or participate in conflict on my behalf in order to make sure that my message of love is heard. This is not true … and by doing so, you are reinforcing a reality which is false by believing it is not false. While I appreciate the love that prompts you to respond in this way, I know that in reality only Truth exists. You need to know this, too, with every fiber of your being. What you are seeing is not reality; it is illusion. I would rather have you choose reality … and the only reality is Love. I cannot be damaged. My message is God’s message; it cannot be overshadowed by illusion. Truth is unassailable. Truth is the only possible outcome when Love is the only reality. There is no need to defend it because it cannot harmed or fail.
I’ve already made my choice, which is why I am here to tell you … again! I have nothing better to do than to restate this fact over and over and over … in every way … and through every medium it can be stated. I think maybe this may help to clear this up: I have no important Angelic Board Meetings to attend, no conferences with the Seraphim and Cherubim to schedule or participate in, no power lunches with God to rush off to. And even if I did, I am vast enough to do so … and still be right here to whisper my undying love into every one of your ears … again! The message won’t change … no matter how many times you need to hear it … nor will the feelings that prompt it. I love you more.
Now, let’s tackle the last sentence in the paragraph we are clarifying. You don’t feel beautiful enough … young enough … anything enough to be sharing this sacrament of communion with me.
The problem is that you identify yourself with your body too much. So, we are going to fix that! We’re going to play a little game that will help you understand that your body is something you have on a temporary basis. It is not who you are … nor is it what you are … nor is it what you really look like. It is an overlay, an appliance that you are using for a while and as miraculous as it is … and it is … this miracle of intricate chemical and biological machinery cannot be appreciated enough … it is not the truth of your existence. You are much vaster than just the trillions of synapses … or the zillions of nerve receptors … or the infinitude of microscopic cells that make up the physical you.
For truth you must dig deeper. [Michael laughs loudly.] Let me offer you a shovel … to help make your dig a bit more comfortable.
A shovel?
[Michael laughs again.] Well, not all of my analogies can measure up to the Symphony in the Key of Love analogy. Everyone has his off-days.
Okay! [Jan laughs and shrugs.] A shovel. What kind of shovel?
I am going to help you see what I see when I look at you. This is an experiment in imagination. We are going to excavate nothing less than the Truth. Are you with me?
Oh, yeah, baby … I am so with you!
Okay! [Michael has a serious case of the giggles.] This is going to sound really, really strange. I want you to picture a zipper extending from the top of your forehead to the bottom of your feet.
A zipper? First, a shovel … now a zipper? [Jan laughs.] I think this may be the strangest conversation we have ever had!
Just play along and don’t get me started or we will never get there!
Okay! I got it! A giant zipper from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet.
Now, I want you to tell me about the brightest light you have ever seen. I mean really, really bright. Just the first thing that pops into your head.
Okay … that would have to be at Elizabeth Taylor’s Birthday Gala Celebration of Life at the end of your beautiful song when you were bathed in light so blinding that you disappeared. Even in the first tier of the balcony that light was so bright … and so unexpected … it was like a supernova had exploded and landed on that stage right in front of me. The television broadcast gave only the merest hint of the brightness of that light. To the audience, you completely disappeared. I was there … in the audience … and I was trying to see through that light to your outline or something. You weren’t there. I know how illogical that sounds, but it is the truth. It was like you had turned into that focused beam of light.
Perfect! Good! That’s what I wanted it to look like. It would have been great if I could have beamed back to my seat beside Elizabeth to kiss her hand, but we couldn’t figure out how to do that with the limitations of the venue. Even David [Copperfield] couldn’t figure out how to make that happen so quickly, but that would have really been memorable. [Michael laughs.] Okay, back to the zipper!
I want you to slowly unzip the zipper and while you’re doing that, I want you to envision the bright light you saw on stage that night escaping from behind, around and through that zipper.
Am I unzipping from the top or from the bottom? [Jan giggles.]
[Michael laughs so hard that he’s gasping.] It doesn’t matter! Just do it! Sheesh!
Okay, I’m all unzipped! [Definitely the strangest conversation we’ve ever had!]
Now, what you see in your mind’s eye is this bright, bright light that has the vague shape of your body’s outline, you think … but you can’t really tell because the light is so bright, right?
Right!
Okay, now add a little bass to it … um … sorry … make it kinda pulse. Got it?
Oh, yeah … pulsing.
Okay, now add little tiny twinkles of red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and purple that flash so quickly that you think you saw them, but you’re not really sure. These twinkles are all over within that bright, bright field of light … they are not contained in any one area unless a thought or emotion is entertained which corresponds with a particular chakra.
For example, a thought of love produces that emotion and the area of your heart will sparkle a more concentrated green for a few pulses. These twinkling ‘fairy’ lights are like the lights on a Christmas tree … or the lights at Neverland in all the trees. They twinkle and flash, but they don’t stay on for long and they are interspersed all over the field of brilliant light. They are alive with color … like little tiny Tinkerbells flitting around within the field of bright, intense light.
When I approached you the other night, the area around your heart chakra was a very intense green color … and the pulses of intense color became very rapid. By the color and the pulsing, I knew that you were immersed in deep, intense love. There was no fear; fear would have been localized around your root or survival chakra so it would have glowed a very intense red … and the fear would have been black or dark, dark brown. The pulsing would have intensified, just as it did during our encounter, but the color would have let me know that it was fear … not love … that was making your heart beat so rapidly. Either way, your heart was beating too rapidly and we had to quiet it. Do you remember?
Yes, Beloved, I remember. I can still feel your gentle touch and hear your soft, “ssshhhh!” almost two weeks later.
When two souls share each other as we did in our Visitation the other night, the areas of each respective chakra become concentrated with twinkling lights flashing on and off made up of the colors which represent that chakra and the field of brilliant light looks a little bit like a flashing Christmas stocking with graduated levels of color fading into the next with no lines of demarcation in between.
Are you with me?
Yes, Beloved, I am so with you. It’s beautiful, but hard to look at for very long because it’s so bright.
There ya go! Is there anything unattractive about what you are seeing?
Well, the outline could be a little thinner!
[Michael laughs.] Oh, stop it!
No, Michael, it is beautiful … and it gives off a kind of heat … warmth … it feels welcoming.
Exactly! That is who you are! Do you see beautiful in the human, physical sense of that word? Do you see young? Do those concepts (all human concepts, by the way … they really have no reality) even have any meaning in the context of what you are seeing?
No.
That is what I see when I look at you. I see who you really are. I see truth. I see love. I see ultimate reality which is so far from what the world calls reality, it is ludicrous and has absolutely no meaning in the ultimate reality in which we are one. So, the next time you are tempted to tell me that you’re not beautiful enough or young enough or anything enough or undeserving or unworthy, I want you to remember this little ‘shovel’ that I’ve showed you here to help you dig a little deeper. And can it! You are all so beautiful!
Jan – August 25, 2011
Making MAGIC Together For All Time. My thanks to Siren for the photograph. I also want to express my thanks to Debbie for the lovely header!
Another of Michael’s long-time friends joined him yesterday and I pause for a moment in memory of him. Frank Dileo had an almost thirty-year relationship with Michael Jackson … through some of Michael’s highest triumphs and lowest depths. He stood by him during the trial that never should have happened. I mourn him. While all human relationships have their ups and downs, as Michael says in this conversation, those ups and downs have no reality. I am sure Frank was greeted by him as he unzipped his physical shell and joined him in the Eternal Light with joy and recognition of this over-a-quarter-of-a- century relationship. While I will pray for his wife and his children and grandchild in their loss, I rejoice in his reunion with his long-time friend. I just hope he left the ever-present smelly cigar behind!
Another of Michael’s longtime friends has been quoted on his time with him and I would like to put his words here:
“Michael is a very special man. He would come in for his lesson and sit down and we would have a prayer and then read the Bible and then have another prayer and start to work. That’s the way he liked to begin his day. Can you imagine a performer as big as Michael Jackson turning around in a lesson and discussing how wonderful God has been to him and how much he loves God?”
“You know, there was one moment. I was playing a piano, and he was standing next to me. All of a sudden, he stretched his hands, looking upwards. It seemed to me that it was very important to him. That’s why I left the room and switched the light off. After half an hour I came back to the room. He was whispering: “Thank you for my talent. Thank you for everything I’ve got. Thank you for all the people who love me. Tell me what I should do, and I’ll do it.” It seemed to me that it was the moment of his communication with God.”
— Seth Riggs, Michael’s vocal coach for 21 years
Through these words by his vocal coach and many others by Michael, himself, and many of his friends, I believe Michael was fully aware of Ultimate Reality. “Lies run sprints. Truth runs marathons!” Happy 53rd Birthday, Beloved.
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