October 23 through October 30, 2011
I have spent the last two weeks basically recharging my always depleted, seemingly constant and ever-expanding need to be immersed in you and, Beloved, your consistency has pretty much been blowing me away.
[Michael giggles.] What do you mean ‘my consistency?’ Are you referring to my texture or my tactile structure or my emotional weight? Am I too chewy … or lumpy … or gritty … or stringy … or doughy … or dry? Not smooth enough?
Oh, baby … I don’t really think you want to go there, do you? [Jan laughs.] No … none of those.
I’m referring to the fact that your thoughts and words, behavior and actions … public and private … as expressed through all the media at your disposal … songs, interviews, writings and public speeches … never changed over the forty plus years you spent in the public eye … and always supported your mission of spreading joy and love through music and healing the planet through the use of the gifts you were given. There is no discernible break between the character expressed in the lyrics and that shown in your body language and facial expressions in the numerous interviews throughout the years of your career. What’s more, the personality presented to the public on each occasion gelled with and always supported that character and mission. There was no disconnect. You were always quiet … soft-spoken … shy … extremely courteous … caring … generous … opting always to respond to all the changing circumstances you were confronted with in a manner which would maintain the interviewers’ dignity … even in circumstances in which the interviewer shamed herself with her forwardness and lack of tact.
A perfect example was during Oprah’s interview in 1993. “It embarrasses me to ask you this, but I’m going to ask it, anyway. (Right there, she admitted that she knew that she was far exceeding the reputable journalist’s purview.) Are you a virgin?” Your response was classic chivalry, straight out of Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table. “I’m a gentleman. I’m a gentleman.” You took what had to be the most profoundly humiliating moment in international television history and turned it into a rout for common sense and decency in three little words.
I was so embarrassed for her. There are some things that just do not belong under the jurisdiction of the media. Such a deeply personal, private subject … to me … is not to be discussed on television. I couldn’t believe she had the nerve to ask the question.
That’s what the song Privacy was about. Ain’t the pictures enough? Why do you go through so much to get the stories you need so you can bury me? You’ve got the people confused. You tell the stories you choose. You try to get me to lose the man I really am. You keep on stalkin’ me, invading my privacy. Won’t you just let me be. Your cameras can’t control the minds of those who know. Stop maliciously attacking my integrity. I need my privacy. [Michael sings.]
Everyone’s privacy deserves to be treated with respect, regardless of his profession or fame. A truly loving person would know that and would never intrude into another’s personal space in such a flagrant manner.
I agree, Dear One … always have. I was always dumbfounded that a lot of people in the world felt like you were their ‘property’ and it always surprised me when certain factions (particularly the media so-called ‘pundits’) thought (and still think, for some reason) that you were dishonest or insincere or just ‘manipulating public opinion’ when you spoke to the reporters and anchor people to whom you granted interviews. I always wondered on what basis they had founded and promoted that opinion, for opinion and gossip is all it ever was. From where I was sitting, I saw only sincerity.
For example, during the same interview, you told 90-million of your closest friends around the world that you suffered from a skin pigmentation abnormality which robbed your flesh of pigment. The exposure of this intensely private, medical condition cost you dearly; and the cost was obvious to anyone who was watching with an open heart, as I was. You closed your eyes against the tears and bowed your head for a moment. Oprah gasped and for about one day, the rest of the media paused in reflection in their interminable onslaughts. Then, it just decided to continue with the same insane story that you bleached your skin. Sixteen years later, the results of your autopsy announced that you suffered from vitiligo. In this … and in so many other examples … you were proven to have been completely honest and sincere, often, at the expense of your own privacy. And the media has completely ignored their role in misrepresenting Michael Jackson for years. It’s so frustrating.
Imagine how it felt for me! It’s a sad comment on the current cultural norms if it takes someone’s transformation for the truth to, finally, be told. I tried to tell them the truth of who I am, but they wouldn’t listen to me. They preferred their warped, twisted, farcical parody. We have wandered so far from the humanity with which we were endowed. A loving, supportive society would not be so judgmental. A human race whose beliefs are founded in love would be much more highly-evolved. The time has come to bring humanity back on track.
In another example, during Barbara Walter’s interview with you in 1997 on the occasion of Princess Diana’s death, she asked if Debbie was pregnant again. A person who was accustomed to answering dishonestly would have just said, “no” and moved on. Your actions at the question, on the other hand, were very revealing! You raised both hands to hold onto your black fedora and laughed and raised your legs toward your chest. Then, you put your hands out in front of you to block the question and said that you didn’t want to answer that and that you weren’t sure. But you couldn’t just lie to protect your privacy. Despite your desire to maintain your … and your wife’s … out-of-the-spotlight discretion, you had an actual physical reaction to the question. That part of the interview was edited out of the final televised version … at your request?
Yeah! [Michael laughs.] I wanted a couple more months to enjoy the pregnancy before allowing it to be front page news. There were so alarmingly few instances in my life when I had even that much autonomy. I wanted some time to become accustomed to the news without pictures of Debbie being splashed across every tabloid in the world with the usual speculations and paternity debates. I wanted to savor the experience.
One of the signs of a dishonest person is inconsistency; an individual who is accustomed to lying does so easily, blandly, unthinkingly. He certainly doesn’t physically react in a way meant to ward off the question! Because lying becomes second nature to him, he has trouble keeping track of which lie he is living … which he has recently told to which particular person and at which particular time. Navigating the minefield of untruths is what trips them up and one of the sure fire ways of discerning between a truthful, sincere, trustworthy individual and one who claims to be honest in order to manipulate his audience for selfish reasons or personal gain.
It’s one of the giveaway symptoms of a liar. As such, it is one of the first signs that Conrad Murray is lying about the events of June 25, 2009. The multiple inconsistencies between his claims and the evidence collected, between the amounts and times and medications he administered and the circumstances of those administrations do not match up with the results of scientific analysis … or the telephone records … or the results of his actions. In addition, the fact that he failed to expose all the medications administered to emergency medical personnel and emergency room physicians indicate a total disregard for medical ethics or professional integrity in the treatment of his only patient. Delaying the call to 911 is just beyond belief. Any third grade child knows that much! To me, the inconsistencies are blatant and damning. He is obviously lying.
I’ve mentioned your consistency before in this blog many times, particularly as it relates to your music, but my activities over the past couple of weeks have brought the subject into much clearer focus. Basically, I’ve been obsessed with organizing my collection of Michael Jackson material.
As we’ve discussed previously in these conversations, I have a LOT of Michael Jackson material (print, audio and video formats) … some of which I bought in the usual way like short film compilations … some of which I taped from television broadcasts and award presentations almost twenty years ago and am in the process of preserving to digital video format … some of which were taped for me by friends in foreign countries (like the Michael and Friends … What More Can I Give Benefit Concert and the Wetten Das performance in Munich, Germany) … some of which I’ve purchased as pre-packaged (possibly bootlegged) performances from around the world … and some of which I’ve downloaded from the internet, thanks to several friends who find, create or post video material.
I must admit that downloading video material is kind of a new hobby for me. Up until last year, I didn’t realize that so much Michael Jackson stuff existed, let alone that you could look up any number of videos and watch them on line. When I did find out, I tried to figure out how I could save all this material and keep it for my collection. Through a process of talking to various friends on line and researching software, I finally figured out that you can not only watch them and save them to view on your computer … now you can also burn them onto blank DVDs to play in any DVD or Blu-Ray Player attached to a television set.
You see, Beloved, I am an addict! I freely admit it! I am a Michael Jackson Junkie! I am absolutely, totally, hopelessly, irrevocably besotted with any kind of photograph or visual of you from any era. If I see it, I have to have it. I am addicted! I’ m afraid that, with the discovery of all this Michael Jackson material, I have fallen ass over appetite ‘off the wagon.’ I just turned around and kissed my twelve-step recovery program goodbye.
[Michael giggles. Twelve-step recovery program! That’s funny.]
Yeah, I was surprised myself that all this stuff is out there. [Michael giggles.] Travis and I used to play with finding stuff on his computer. It always shocked me that he could just click a button on his keyboard and pull up any performance I wanted to see! I suppose there’s no way to control it, but I am surprised so much is shared. At first, I had some major issues with the ‘piracy’ thing, but now I’m happy that so much is available so freely for those who care enough to search for the truth.
Well, I was like a kid in a candy store. I started downloading everything I could get my hands on. If it had your face or your name, I wanted it … interviews, performances, fan videos, award presentations, tributes, documentaries. I went a little crazy!
Unfortunately, I didn’t think the thing through with any real common sense and I ended up with like twelve DVDs (each containing approximately two hours of performances and fan videos and documentaries and interviews and behind the scenes and making ofs and awards presentations) that I had burned myself, but no way to find a specific clip if my life depended on it. I had them all jumbled up together. And while I tried to create labels for the DVDs that listed the contents, searching for one particular clip was a nightmare.
So, being true to my career path in this lifetime, I decided that this was a situation that had to be remedied immediately. I have spent the last two weeks figuring out how to organize my (download) video collection … putting all the performances on one DVD … all the interviews on another DVD. I still have to do all the fan videos on one, all the documentaries on another, all the tributes on another, all the spiritual material on another, etc. It will make so much more sense and be so much easier to find a particular clip when it is finished.
[Michael laughs.] Aren’t you going to alphabetize them or, better yet, put them in chronological order?
Oh, geez … there’s an idea! Baby! Don’t tempt me like that! [Jan laughs.] You know me too well. I could happily spend the rest of my life doing just that, but this is a very laborious and time-consuming process because I don’t have a professional grade digital video recorder that will copy from a DVD to a DVD. I have to dub the material from the DVD I burned on my computer to a VHS tape in the order in which I want to play it … then, I have to turn around and copy the VHS tape back onto a blank DVD and after each clip is placed, I have to edit the index (or menu) entry and picture for that clip. The interview DVD alone took four nights last week and the performance DVD has very nearly four hours of material on it. That one took most of the weekend to complete. This is going to be a wonderful winter project for when I’m closed up in the house to avoid the rain and slush and sleet and snow … and don’t forget the ice storms … this area is prone to during the winter months.
Michael just laughs.
But, and this is how this whole discussion started … the major thing that has impressed me throughout my little project is how utterly consistent you are … not just in the message you convey with your music and short films and performances (which we’ve discussed previously in these conversations), but in your interviews, speeches and mannerisms. That kind of consistency over a four-decade span only comes from absolute honesty. It really is quite fascinating to watch all these interviews together.
[Jan’s note: Woohoooh, chronological order would be awesome! Dayum, Michael! Why’d you put that idea into my head? [Michael laughs. Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough!] No! No! No! I am not going to go there! That would just be obsessive-compulsive and beyond the pale!]
Another thing that impressed me during the completion of the interview DVD was the fact that the entire time the media was calling you a weird, eccentric recluse … you were so available. The word recluse is defined in Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary as: a person who leads a secluded or solitary life and marked by a withdrawal from society. Far from withdrawing from society, you shaped it. For a recluse, you sure got around, Michael! A partial listing of the examples of your so-called seclusion follows.
In 1984 or so, Michael Jackson Unauthorized, filmed at the fountain in the Hayvenhurst grounds, came out and it is the first time I, personally, heard you express the idea that “I can’t really take credit for the songs I write. They’re all up there somewhere and just came through to me.” The theme has been repeated again and again in almost every interview. It was also the first time I had heard you sing unaccompanied and I remember remarking at the time at your beautiful, perfectly-pitched voice. “Dancing on a cloud. Soaring up so high. Watch me now! Watch me now! I’m Peter Pan. I can do anything.” Your voice is so pure … clear … filled with such breathless wonder!
In 1984 on the occasion of The Victory Tour, you were interviewed by Molly Meldrum from Australia … and again in 1987 for a 60-Minutes segment on the BAD Tour … and again in 1997 for the HIStory Tour. In every instance, while the circumstances changed (very informal became much more regimented and matters of security became a bit more complicated, for example) … and your appearance changed (from the large afro to the long, curly locks of hair escaping your black fedora) … your soft-spoken, gracious responses and your shy mannerisms never changed.
In about 1980 or 1981, you were interviewed by Sylvia Chase … in 1993, Oprah Winfrey … in 1996, Diane Sawyer … and in 1997, Barbara Walters. Again, with the exception of superficialities like appearance and major topics discussed, the similarities between these interviews far outnumber the differences. You were the same shy, excessively polite, playful, humble person Molly Meldrum met during the Victory Tour.
In 1987, you were interviewed by Darrell somebody for Ebony on the occasion of the release of the BAD Album and the announcement of the BAD World Tour. In 1993, MTV visited you and conducted a brief interview at Neverland called Weekend at Neverland to announce the winners of a video contest … in 1996, Bill Bellamy interviewed you for MTV entitled, “Michael Jackson Changes HIStory” and in 1999, MTV again interviewed you for their 100 Greatest Videos presentation.
In 2001, you called into his radio show and spoke to Steve Harvey. Of course, in 2003, Martin Bashir filed his ‘cut and paste manifesto’ and you filmed your Take Two version, Thank the Good Lord. Oh, I almost forget Ed Bradley in 2003 for 60 Minutes on the occasion of your arrest. In 2005, Geraldo Rivera visited Neverland and your recording studio and you talked with Jesse Jackson on his radio show. In 2007, Access Hollywood was invited to be a ‘fly on the wall’ at your recording studio in Ireland. The only one I don’t have is the interview with Jesse Jackson.
The above listing does not take into account all the award show acceptance speeches … or your speech to announce the Heal the Kids initiative … or your speech at Oxford University. Or the countless times you opened your gates to host Dreamstreet and Make-a-Wish and inner city children at Neverland.
I do believe that you should receive another Guinness World Record for being the Most Interviewed Recluse in history! I think the 1999 interview is my absolute favorite. It’s not very long (about half an hour) and the only topic discussed is your music and short films, but you are so doggone beautiful (with your five-o’clock-shadow and doe eyes) in that interview it makes my heart ache! Those eyes could stop traffic! [Michael giggles.]
The only time the shy, retiring, self-effacing, gently-spoken human being went into hiding was when you mounted a stage to perform. Then, somehow, you magically turned into an irresistible, unstoppable force of nature; your personality emitted confidence, self-assurance, almost defiance. You took us all with you into a land called ‘someplace else.’
I told you … Jekyll and Hyde. One minute I would be standing there preparing to go on, emptying my mind and looking over the stage to make sure that everything was ready … and inviting God into the room … the next, some power just took over and sang and danced me into exhaustion. It filled me with joy and freedom, lifted my energy level, made my feet itch and my spine tingle. It was such a beautiful feeling that I wanted to share it with the entire world.
And you did just that, baby! You did just that!
On the performance DVD I just completed, I have included performances from as far back as 1971 on the Sonny and Cher show and 1975 in Mexico City and 1976 or so on American Bandstand and Soul Train. There are a couple of performances that I don’t know the shows they came from but the songs are Good Times and Even Though You’re Gone and Dreamer and they’re from roughly the same period. I also included 1984 the Victory Tour and 1987 the BAD Tour and 1996 and 1997, the HIStory Tour and Michael and Friends: What More Can I Give in Seoul Korea.
While I love every stage represented, those teenage years of the Mexico City performances … Music and Me, One Day In Your Life, Happy, Never Can Say Goodbye and the American Bandstand performance of Push Me Away … to me … are so special.
Just a year or so later, The Jackson Five television series debuted, but I remember how you said in Moonwalk that you didn’t like doing the series because you didn’t have time to perfect everything to the degree that you wanted. I have all twelve of those episodes, too, but my version is condensed down into just the musical performances (omitting the skits). How much more perfect could they have been? Every single episode is a study in vocal and dance perfection.
I have a performance in which I can watch the transformation between shy, retiring, humble Michael Jackson and dynamic, supercharged, take-no-prisoners Michael Jackson occur; slow motion is perfect for viewing this short clip. I believe it is the HIStory World Tour performance in Copenhagen, August 29, 1997. It shows you wiping your brow with a black towel and kidding around with the audience and Michael Bush because the spotlight is going on and off. You point to the spotlight and say, “Ah, okay.” Then, you turn around to hand the towel to someone in the darkness and say, “The spotlight keeps coming on. I’m on-stage,” spreading your arms and shrugging. Then, you turn toward the audience, become very serious, rip open the Velcro closures on your jacket and a look of concentration passes over your face. The beat for Stranger in Moscow begins and you are off into the song. It’s just the briefest of moments, but that look of concentration is priceless to me.
Whenever I watch this particular performance, I feel a bit like a voyeur … like I’m intruding on a very personal, private moment … the moment when the Spirit of Music embraces and seduces her favorite son.
Yeah! That’s what it felt like. But you have to understand … it wasn’t just me that got seduced … it wasn’t exclusive to one person. What fun would that be? It was a shared experience and all of us contributed to it. We all got taken over … all the dancers and back-up singers and band members … all the road crew and technical people … all the members of the audience in the stadiums and all the people watching at home on their television sets.
That’s what the months and months of rehearsals were all about … encouraging each and every one to give their very best to this shared sacrament of union. And when the band and singers and crew and technical people and I were all bonded in our love of the music and the audience and as close to perfection as we could possibly be, we connected in that spirit and it moved through everyone in the countless stadiums we played.
What’s even more mind-blowing is we all still get taken over whenever we watch and allow that spirit to enter our hearts. So, while you are watching the interviews and performances (even decades later) and putting them in order and copying them to discs, you are taken over (again) by the same spirit that ‘hit you like a ton of bricks’ in 1992.
It was like a told Oprah: All art has as its ultimate goal the union between the spiritual and the physical, the human and the divine. That is the reason for the very existence of art.
And you never wavered from that mission. You shared everything you had been given … all the joy … and all the pain. Thank you, Beloved. By your grace, we are reborn.
Aww, God bless you! Now, go organize something!
Jan – October 28, 2011